


Humans are Weird: Shorts

by thewildwaffle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aliens, Gen, Humans Are Weird, Humans are space orcs, Space Australians - Freeform, humans are space aussies, space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2021-04-06
Packaged: 2021-04-19 19:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 64,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewildwaffle/pseuds/thewildwaffle
Summary: What if when we get to space and we find out that all our movies, stories, etc. where humans are weak and (honestly) pathetic compared to most of the species in the galaxy, were wrong. What if we are actually the strong ones? The crazy ones? The hard-to-kill ones? The dangerous ones? Or maybe even the adorably cute ones? The ones that will out-progress most other species because we take seemingly too big/stupid risks and it pays off? Or we are very good at looking at problems from different perspectives. etc. You get the point.
Comments: 189
Kudos: 821





	1. Pranks

It was a record. There were now seven humans on the ESS Maywing. The most aboard any ship in the Galactic Confederation. And Geetree was sure that three of them were up to something.

Humans Carlton, Kylee, and Vern, as well as Bookas Vern and Minra had been missing most of the rotation. They’d last been seen slinking off after their shift, whispering and laughing as they went.

Normally, that’d be fine, odd behavior maybe, but fine. Unless humans were involved. Then it was potentially concerning.

Geetree skittered down the corridor, careful of other crewmates she passed. As a kreechen, it was way to be overlooked and stepped on if others were distracted. She kept to the sides of the walls as an extra precaution.

As she passed by a partially closed door panel, she finally heard what she’d been searching for. Peeking in, she saw the three humans and two Bookas in question.

But, what the frewan were they doing in Human Chris and Ricardo’s bunk room? Not only that, but why were they wrapping everything in brightly colored papers?

Where did they even get that much paper?!

As she leaned more into the room to figure out just what was going on, the door creaked quietly. It was enough to get the humans and Bookas to freeze in their spots. They all turned towards the door, finally seeiing her as they looked down. As soon as they recognized her, they smiled at her, looking relieved and then continued with their work of wrapping everything in paper.

“By all things bright and shining, would anyone mind telling me what is going on in here?” Getree’s high voice sounded loud compared to the whispers and crinkling paper.

Without looking up from wrapping a comb that belonged to Ricardo, Human Vern whispered, “It’s April Fool’s Day.” As if that explained everything.

Her confusion must have been apparent. Booka Vern tried to explain further, also whispering, “It’s a holiday back on Earth where humans participate in pranks and jokes on each other.”

“I had some extra wrapping paper sent to me before Christmas,” explained Kylee, wrapping pens and markers and returning them to their original place. “We thought we’d prank Ricardo. We have lots of paper, so we’re getting Chris too.”

"So this is some sort of initiation ritual?” chirped Geetree. Human Ricardo was the newest human to join the crew. “Those are supposed to be cleared with the captain in order to avoid…”

“No, no, no,” Carlton interrupted. The human’s dark fingers were covered in bits of tape, which he handed to Kylee as she moved on from wrapping pens to wrapping small tech devices left out on the desktop. “It’s not like that. Ricky started it this morning by dying our breakfasts green. We’re just getting him back.”

"It’s all in good fun,” Human Vern chimed in. “But if you’d like to help, you could stand look out for us, or you could wrap their pillows.” He held out a roll of the colorful paper.

Declining, Geetree returned to the corridor. Before she did, she saw Booka Vern and Minra take the paper and jump up on the beds. Those booka had been hanging out with the humans too much. They were picking up their weird and irrational behavior.

April Fool’s Day. Really. What was the good of that? Still, she supposed wrapping personal items up in paper was at least keeping them busy and out of trouble on their down time.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Humans Ricardo and Chris walking in the opposite direction. She gaped at them. Human Chris was covered in tiny, shiny bits of material.

They noticed her staring. “Terri booby trapped the lab with a glitter bomb.”

Uh, what?! That sounds dangerous! A bomb?!?

And yet, the humans just grinned and laughed as they continued on their way toward their room, making plans to get back at Terri.

Geetree hoped that this “April Fool’s Day” would be over soon.


	2. Earth Report 0147 - Doors

I accompanied Human Aaron to the grocery store today. While there, I noticed a fascinating human creation. It’s quite an ingenious contraption, really. Doors that detect your approach and open automatically for you. Quite practical, actually - especially coming from humans, who are not always known for having the most practical inventions.

Now, I’ll admit, doors, even self-opening doors- are not the most exciting thing to report on. No, what’s really interesting about these doors are many of the humans’ reactions to them. While most of them just walk through without a second thought, I noticed Human Aaron wave his arm in front of his body while approaching the entrance. It was a small movement, really, but as Aaron gathered the food supplies for the week, I watched and noticed several other humans make the same sign before they entered or exited the automatic doors. 

I quickly realized it had nothing to do with actually opening the door. There were numerous humans who did not make such a sign and the doors opened fine for them. I then began to suspect if perhaps it was some sort of code - a token of some secret fellowship perhaps.

Upon questioning Aaron after we left the grocery store, he merely laughed at me and said it was something some people just do for fun. I did not understand and asked him to elaborate. He said that some people like to pretend that they’re opening the door themselves using ‘the force.’

I am not sure what ‘the force’ is, and frankly at this point, I’m a little scared to ask.


	3. Interrogation Methods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was written as a screenplay script, as it was (is) something I wanted to shoot.
> 
> UPDATE!  
I likely won't be able to shoot this, so instead, I made an animatic of it that you can watch [here](https://youtu.be/nD6DG0MI1h0)

INT. DARK ROOM

On screen, we see half the face of a dark figure. His face is lit with the blue light from a window he is facing. Over his shoulder, two guards haul in a stumbling, struggling figure.

GUARD 1  
Sir, we’ve brought the prisoner

Alien leader continues to stand, slightly hunched over, staring out the window menacingly.

HUMAN  
Who are you? What do you want with me? Where is my crew?

ALIEN LEADER  
Your crew is safe, captain. For now.

HUMAN  
Wha-what is this? Where is my crew? So help me if your goons have done anythi-

Alien leader whips around quickly, slapping the captain in the face.

ALIEN LEADER  
Don’t mock me! And don’t play stupid.

The alien leader straightens himself up and sneers.

ALIEN LEADER  
Where is it.

The captain has his head bent down from the slap, he doesn’t look up. His breathing is getting heavy from anger. It takes a while for him to speak again.

HUMAN  
You’re not going to get it. You’ll have no help from me, I’m afraid.

ALIEN LEADER  
Oh, I think I will, captain. You’re very concerned for you crew. I’ve found that the bonds you humans form make you easy to manipulate.

The captain looks up, suddenly worried.

HUMAN  
Why you dirty-

ALIEN LEADER  
Your crew is above us now.

The alien leader turns back toward the window.

ALIEN LEADER  
Outside this window is a vat of liquid chlorine and dihydrogen monoxide. My best guards have your crew standing on the precipice as we speak. One word from me can either kill them or save them.

The alien leader turns back toward the human captain.

ALIEN LEADER  
You will help me find what I’m after, or your crew will be taking a little swim.

The captain stares in silence for a moment, stunned and confused.

HUMAN  
Chlorine? Dihydroge- wait, what? [laughs] You’ve got to be kidding me!

ALIEN LEADER  
Believe you me, captain, I kid not.

Alien leader pulls out a communication device.

ALIEN LEADER  
Push half the human crew in!

Through the window, people are seen falling into the pool. As soon as they enter the water, the alien leader turns back to face the captain.

ALIEN LEADER  
Now, captain, you can still save the other half of your crew. Once I’m in possession of the-

The alien leader is distracted by the guards who are staring out the window.

GUARD 1  
Uh, sir? The… the humans! They, they aren’t…

The alien leader whips back around to look out the window.

ALIEN LEADER  
What now?!

The humans have all surfaced and are now swimming around, doing flips in the water, playing, splashing, etc. Another human from the side of the pool jumps into join them. Then more join in too. The alien leader walks up closer, nearly pressing his face against the glass. He looks for a while, confused, shaking his head.

ALIEN LEADER  
Well. That’s not what I was expecting at all.

CUT TO BLACK.

Credits roll. The scene reappears with the alien leader still looking out the window, the humans in the pool now have swim noodles and pool toys.

ALIEN LEADER  
Where did those even come from?!

CUT TO BLACK.


	4. Cuddly But Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a story I read that helped to inspire this. It was about “human therapy” and the spas and clinics that started popping up after humanity joined the galactic community. Based off a story from @starr-fall-knight-rise called Oxytocin. Check it out, it’s great!

“And you’re sure you used enough tranquilizers?” Gnet prodded the massive alien form cautiously with the butt of his blaster.

“Listen, we hit that thing with at least three shots between all of us, it’s down and it’s going to stay down for a looooong time,” Wrun hardly looked up as she helped the others pack up and stow the hunting equipment. Many hands make light work, and soon all five of them stood surrounding and admiring their quarry - a human.

It was rare to see humans out this far from their home solar system, unless of course they were part of a crew or expedition. But they’d found one on its own. They’d picked up on their ships signal, tracing it back to this planet, studied it’s movements and finally, today, they had struck. As the human phrase goes, they’d struck gold.

Humans had been introduced to the Galactic community several standard solar orbits ago, and while they’d become part of the Galactic Alliance, there were still many planets full of races clamoring for access to them. Human-mania was a real thing. Everything about them was in high demand - their music, stories, technology, toys, artifacts, anything! Including humans themselves.

Was what they were doing illegal? Well, Gnet figured that depended on who you asked. And if you asked him, it was only illegal if they got caught.

“Hey Gnet! Take my picture with them?” Fent, the youngest on their crew, tossed him a field comm kit. It was equipped with a camera, among many other useful tools. Gnett caught it and huffed his displeasure. Fent had crouched down next to the human and was trying to move its long arms. “Do you think you can get a shot of me where I look like they’re holding me? That would be hilarious!”

“No,” Gnet cut them off, passing back the comm kit, “Absolutely not. The last thing we need is evidence getting out and getting us all in trouble.” Fent looked like they might object, but Gnett stopped them, “I don’t care how cute they are, no. Now help load up.”

“Has anyone checked out the human’s ship yet? I’m sure there’s got to be a few somethings there that will be worth its weight in kwint credits!” the largest in their group, Semp eyed the small ship, barely visible in the distance.

Gnet tossed his head in excitement, “If not, there’s got to at least be plenty of supplies for it. That might help boost prices. Or perhaps some earth media or info stashed on the computers?”

Oh yes, they’d certainly struck gold today.

The ship had indeed been full of goodies. The ship itself, however, was basically only good for scrap at this point. How the human they’d caught been able to land that thing on that planet in one piece was a mystery to everyone.

Humans accomplishing near-impossible, incredibly dangerous feats? Yeah, sounds like their MO.

Gnet wandered the halls of their ship. He eyed each smuggler’s compartment as he went by them. The most precious/most illegal contraband items were stored amongst them. His wandering eventually led him to the suite where the human was being kept.

The lights in the room were dimmed and the platform the human was resting on was cushioned with blankets and anything soft they could find on the ship. They’d done their research. Between all that and the tranquilizers, the human likely would sleep until after the delivery. Gnet smiled smugly. It’d been so easy. And here they’d heard so many stories and reports of how tough humans were, how resourceful. Bah, he though, more like tall tales! Still, it was widely accepted among the galactic community that the earthlings were adorable. Cute in spite of their alleged ferociousness. He had to admit, it was pretty cute, asleep on its side, sides rising and falling slowly with each breath.

Over the past few years, there’d been claims of calming effects humans could have on a rather wide range of species. Cuddling. Human therapy, they called it. Granted, the calming effect wasn’t universal among humans. Some could be incredibly irritable or irritating. Nonetheless, there had been a rise in demand for hiring humans in upscale “therapeutic spas” around the galaxy.

Gnet stepped closer to the sleeping human. He poked its arm gently. Nothing. No, of course not. It would probably be out for another standard solar cycle or two at least. Still, this was a dumb idea. He knew it. he was gentle and slow as he carefully lifted the top arm of the human. It was heavy. The arm alone from shoulder to fingertips was almost as long as he was tall. He managed to lift the arm enough for him to clear enough room to snuggle into the space between the arms. With his back to the human’s chest, he kept his arms ready and available to move the top arm again quickly if need be.

Soon, however, he felt himself loosen up. Ever so slowly, he wriggled down enough to be able to use the human’s lower arm as a pillow. By the void! Those quacks at the therapeutic spas were on to something! It felt like all the tension he didn’t even realize he’d been holding in his body was melting away. The warmth the human was radiating was starting to pull him into a sleepy haze.

Frewan, he though. As much as he hated the idea of moving, he couldn’t fall asleep here and now. The others would wonder where he’d gone off to and come looking. It took a while for his mind to convince his body to move. Eventually, he decided that after this whole job was done, he’d use part of his earnings to go visit one of those spas - get the full package! The best his money could buy!

With that helping to finally convince himself, he slowly started to lift the human’s arm again to get up. Before he’d moved it more than half a mirte, the human’s position shifted slightly. The arm he’d been lifting pressed back down firmly, the other arm underneath him coming up and around him. He was trapped! He pushed against the arms, but they didn’t budge. He tried wriggling out, but the arms only seemed to hold him tighter. Tighter? What in tronkus was going on?!

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop squirming.” The voice murmured quietly next to his ear. It was awake!? By all things bright and shining, how was it awake!?!?! The seeming impossibility of it all almost made him forget the fact that he was now being held tightly in the arms of a powerful alien that had every right to be ticked.

He stopped trying to break free. Maybe it could be reasoned with? Maybe he could distract it long enough from killing him that the rest of his crew would notice his absence and come find him? Worth a shot.

“How are you even awake? We shot you with three doses of hydrag serum.” Frewan. That’s definitely the wrong thing to say to start off with in this situation. It just came out. He was panicking.

“Those darts? Yeah, those wore off while you all were setting up my little room here. The bed looked so soft, I thought I’d stay for a while, get a good nap in.” The human squeezed Gnet tighter and he could feel the human arching their back and stretching as they slowly started sitting up.

“Gotta admit, I’m not loving the idea of our current destination though. I’ve got better stuff to do than muck around in the black markets of Tenbos 5. Tell you what though,” the human stood up off the makeshift bed. They took a few steps to balance themselves properly, Ghet still being held firmly in their arms, the ground seemed so far away from here. “Since I’m feeling so generous after my nice little nap, I’ll drop you and your little friends off there before I go back to doing what I was doing before our little meetup, huh? I think I’ll be able to get everything done much faster now that I’ve got a ship that doesn’t belong in a junkyard.”

What had they done?

They’d brought a monster on board. That’s what they had done.


	5. Other Humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a thought more than an actual story

The idea of parallel evolution is very familiar on Earth. Two creatures could come from complete opposite sides of the planet, never having anything to do with each other, but to suit their needs, they develop traits that are very similar to each other. For instance, the sugar glider- a marsupial from Australia, and the flying squirrel- a placental mammal from North America, are not related, but they look like they are. They both fill the same niches, have very similar coloring, and have both evolved with similar adaptations.  
Even humans have shown examples of parallel evolution. On the Solomon Islands, some people have a gene that causes blonde hair. This gene is unrelated to the gene that causes blonde hair in people of European descent.

What if, when humans get to space, we meet more humans? Unrelated to us in any way, but so dang similar to us! There might be differences, sure, but WOW they look human! -Or we look like them? It’s uncanny, that’s for sure!

What if there are more than just to two of us? What if several planets produced creatures that were very human-like? But, when all put together, the differences become pretty clear to everyone. 

Skitnee ‘humans’ are smaller, hairy, and have amazing night vision. They’re very reserved and nervous, like all the time, very jumpy as a whole. Their teeth are pretty sharp too. Unlike the other ‘human’ species, they do not pack bond easily. They’ll tolerate others out of necessity, but typically, a Skitnee ‘human’ is most comfortable alone.

Maung 4 ‘humans’ are dumb as bricks, like they’re a sentient race, but man! Just try having a conversation with one - you will probably end up banging your head on a nearby wall! Their arms are very long and powerful, and with the extra fingers, they’ve got great dexterity. Trying to teach them anything new is… frustrating. Not only are they pretty thick-headed sometimes, they are very much creatures of habit and tradition.

Earth ‘humans’ are… well they’re a handful! You think you’ve figured them out and they’ll go ahead and surprise you. They’re extremely curious and will try to befriend anyone… or anything. Their physical endurance and pain tolerances are outrageously high, which is good because they get themselves into trouble. A lot.

BONUS WHAT-IF:  
The galactic community has been in contact with Earth humans for quite some time. They’ve started to accept the fact that these creatures are basically crazy space orcs. Curious, snuggly, friendly, let’s-see-how-many-rockets-we-can-strap-to-the-ship-to-make-it-go-faster, space orcs.  
Thankfully, the earthlings are more than willing to make alliances, trade technology and culture, and explore space rather than attack and conquer. 

Then they find out there are more humans.


	6. Two Trips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aboard the ESS Maywing once more.

“Human Vern, are you sure you can carry all those bags? I worry the weight might start cutting off circulation!” Karrig looked up at them nervously. They and Booka Vern had both managed to lift and carry two of the smaller bags of supplies from the shuttle, but the human insisted on picking up bag after bag of supplies until the cargo hold of the shuttle was empty.

“I hate making two trips Karrig. I can get theeeeese,” Human Vern struggled to move some the straps around on their arm to a more comfortable position, “juuuuuust fine.”

“I really don’t think this is a good idea. You do realize we have to carry these all the way to the kitchens.“

“Yeah, that’s a far trip, I don’t want to have to make it twice,” Vern huffed as he started for the door. His arms draped out and down in a most uncomfortable-looking position as he walked.

Karrig looked half-exasperated, half-desperately at their other crew member, Booka Vern. She didn’t seem to share Karrig’s reaction. Instead, she had a goofy, wide-eyed grin on her face. Her fur flickered a warm yellow and orange color. She started after Human Vern with her much-smaller load, but looked back at Karrig as she passed him. “I didn’t know humans were so strong! I wonder how much they can lift.”

Karrig really didn’t like the mischevious look in Booka Vern’s eyes. She looked like she was already plotting multiple antics. From what was known of both humans and bookas and the trouble they often got into, it would probably be a good idea to keep the two Verns separated during leisure times.


	7. Dangerous Foods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ESS Maywing once again

“Well Kahpi, I suppose if you have no further questions, I’ll let you get on with your duties unless you wish to stop by the cafeteria for a quick meal?”

“Thank you, captain, I believe I will go ahead and be as efficient as possible,” Kahpi bowed low in respect, “and will do both.”

It was her first day on the job, her first day aboard the ESS Maywing, one of the Galactic Confederation’s newest and finest ship. It was fully equipped with all the newest tech, and with one of the most diverse crew. Nearly every species in the alliance was represented aboard the ship. An amazing feat and a show of diplomacy to be sure, but it required a lot of additional maintenance and care.

It led to the creation of many new jobs. Her job, for instance, was to ensure each species was safe from potential poisons or contaminants in food that could harm members of another race. As one of the humans (a newer race to the Confederations) put it, she was the “kitchen inspector.” An over-simplified description of her duties, but to be fair, it was pretty accurate.

She found the cafeteria easily enough. There was a number of crew members already there. Some eating silently on their own, as was typical of their species behavior, while others were huddled around, talking and laughing while they ate. She noticed a small group of humans, booka, and squifra were particularly noisy. Curious, she wandered closer.

“Carlton, you can’t be serious! Please tell me you’re not really going to eat that?”

“Why not Booka Vern? Do you have any idea how hard it was to get ahold of a fresh one?” The human designated as ‘Carlton’ laughed and looked around the group. “Anyone else want some, I’ve almost got it all cut up.”

Kahpi watched as the two of the other three humans in the group all raised their hands, excited smiles on their faces. She shuddered. It was hard to get used to how humans bared their teeth like that when they smiled. She took a calming breath before she took another step forward, trying to get a look at the strange food the human Carlton was cutting up.

“Okay, Human Vern,” Carlton handed a slice of a light-colored juicy fruit to the human next to him, “and Kylee, here you go. Ricardo, you don’t want any?”

“No man, my mouth’s been really sensitive after what happened last week. That stuff’d tear my mouth apart right now.”

Uh, what?!?

Kahpi tried getting a scan on the strange fruit the humans were spreading out amongst themselves and a few brave squifra. Her heart nearly froze when she read the analysis on her device.

“Put it down!” All eyes stared her, shocked and confused. She rushed forward, pulling out a biohazard container bag and attempted to remove the threat in question. She was stunned when the humans she took the fruit from protested loudly.

“Whoa, what the heck are you doing?! That’s our pineapple! What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me?! Where did you get this?” The humans began trying to argue and get their “pineapple” back, but she cut them off and continued with her own argument. “Do you realize it contains bromelain? Bromelain! I’d heard rumors of how crazy and reckless your kind could be, but this is ridiculous. It will break down your flesh and digest you! Why in all that is bright and steady would you ever consider trying to eat something that could eat you?”

The squifras that had taken a slice promptly dropped the pineapple bits. The humans looked at each other and back to Kahpi. She must be new.

“It can’t hurt us. Not if we eat it first.”


	8. Salted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is actually one of my favorite shorts because it is somewhat based on true events that happened to my grandad and my mom when she was a little girl, trying to bake alone for the first time.

Garchi took another look at the instructions, or the recipe, as he had heard the humans on the crew refer to the collection of thick, white, handwritten cards they kept in the food preparation bay. The instructions seemed to be rather easy to put together, the ingredients easy to find, etc.

Garchi had heard the humans on the crew talking about cake. From what he’d heard, it had to be the pinnacle of human cuisine. One human in particular, Vera, seemed to love it. It was for this reason that Garchi decided to try his hand at this “baking” It was perfect - sweet, fluffy, and chocolatey. It was because of that last aspect that he hadn’t tried any. He shook his head as he finished up frosting his creation. Chocolate. Humans and their love of poisonous foods, really!

“Hey Garchi, what’s smelling so good in here?” Vera walked into the food preparation bay with a huge smile spreading across her face. “Wow! Chocolate cake, huh? I thought you couldn’t eat chocolate.”

Garchi’s heart was beating faster, he tried to not let it show that his hands were shaking as he placed the frosting spatula in the sink with the mixing bowl. “Uh, no, I can’t, but I know humans seem to love it, and I’d heard it was a favorite of yours, so I thought I’d try making it for you.”

Garchi didn’t think Vera’s smile could get any bigger, but he was wrong. It spread and broke into a beautifully musical laugh. “For me? Garchi- Wow! I don’t know what to say!” She pulled out a fork and knife from a drawer and pointed to the cake with it, “May I?”

“Yes, of course, let me get you a plate.”

Vera cut herself a large piece of cake and put it on the plate and took a bite. Her face froze. After a moment, a shaky smile returned, and she took another bite.

“Do you like it?” Garchi asked nervously.

“Hmmm,” she nodded, and took another bite, finishing off the cake piece quickly. She put the plate and silverware in the sink, got a drink of water and left.

Well, that was not the response he’d been expecting. He had little time to process what had just happened when more humans entered the room.

“Garchi, is that chocolate cake I smell? What’s the occasion?” Humans Chris and Terri eyed the cake with hopeful smiles.

“Uh, yes. Yes, I made it for you humans. I’m pretty sure your kind are the only ones here who can eat the stuff. I thought you enjoyed it, but Vera just came in and ate a slice. I’m not sure if she liked it though. Would you mind trying some and letting me know what you think?”

Not needing any further invitation, Chris and Terri cut some cake and took a bite. Like Vera, their faces froze, but unlike Vera, they did not take another bite. In fact, they spit the cake out and ran for the sink.

“Garchi? What the heck? How much salt did you put in there?!”

“What? I don’t understand, I followed the instructions exactly. Let me see,” he lifted up the card with the recipe. “Ah, here, salt. It says three plus four tablespoons of salt.”

“Three plus-? Let me see… No, it says three fourths tablespoons of salt. You added seven tablespoons of salt?”

Garchi looked again at the recipe and then handed it to the humans, pointing at the particular instruction in question. “Does this symbol not mean ‘plus’ to you?”

Terri, after having downed another cup of water, looked and started laughing. “No, that’s division. It means it’s a fraction. Three divided by four, not plus!”

Chris looked over Terri’s shoulder at the recipe card and Garchi’s face, which was starting to look like a combination of confusion and horror. “Wait? You said Vera ate a slice already?” Garchi nodded. “That whole slice?”

Realization dawned on Garchi’s face. “Oh flarg, she ate the whole thing!” Garchi dropped everything, grabbed the two humans by the arms and started for the door, “We need to find her and get her to the medical bay before she dies of sodium overload! This is all my fault! I… I just wanted to impress her with my culinary skills! It was supposed to be a happy gift, I swear, and now… and now… ohhhhhhhh…..”

He had managed to pull the humans a few steps, but once they started laughing, Garchi could no longer get them to move another vloog further. “Why are you laughing?! PLEASE - we need to save her!”

“Garchi, she’ll be fine. Humans can eat a LOT of salt before anything bad happens,” Terri finally managed to say as her laughter died down. “But she really ate that whole piece of salt cake?”

Garchi’s mind struggled to process everything. Vera was going to be okay? Yes, he guessed that made sense. Humans were crazy, but surely she wouldn’t have willingly eaten the whole thing if it would have harmed her? -Or at least harmed her and not have even tasted good? “Yes,” His voice cracked a little. “Yes, she ate the whole thing, got a drink and left.”

The two humans stared at him a bit, then at the cake with three missing slices, each other, and then back at him before they broke into twin smiles.

“I don’t even think my dog would try to eat this if you gave him some,” Chris chuckled. “I mean, good thing though, chocolate is poisonous to dogs, so…”

Of course it is, thought Garchi glumly.

“…Vera must really like you if she ate that whole thing.”

Garchi’s heart lurched. What?

The two humans laughed again and walked past Garchi towards the door. “Well, good luck with the rest of the cake, bud!” “It was a sweet gesture anyway!”

Garchi couldn’t move. After a moment, he looked at his salty cake. Seven ‘tablespoons’ of salt and the only reaction was to drink a bit of water? Oh, humans are weird. But, he smiled, she ate it anyway. She… likes me? Maybe I’ll try another recipe.


	9. Strange Pet

Human playing with their new pet snake. Alien crewmate walks in and notices that it is.. a different kind of “pet” that the other humans on the ship have requested.

Alien: Ohhh… is.. is that your new, uh, pet?

Human: Yes, I’ve named him Bananagrams. Isn’t he cute?

Alien: I’m going to assume that it is “cute” by human standards, so, yes? It seems different. The other humans I’ve seen all seemed to pick animals from their homeworld that are of a… fluffier variety.

Human: Oh yeah, they’re cute. I know Carter just got a beagle puppy. It’s cute and all, but I’ve always been interested in reptiles, so when I saw that snakes were on the list of approved companion animals, I knew that’s what I wanted.

Alien: Aaaand, does it normally wrap around your fingers like that? It looks very flexible.

Human: Yeah, snakes do that. Bananagrams was just telling me about his day, weren’t you Banana?

Bananagrams: …

Human: Hmmm… yes, same.

Alien: Ooookay… *backs out of the room* Well, have fun with your new pet.


	10. Holidays with Humans

“Soooooooo,” Kabby drawled while examing the ship’s rec room, “the lights?”

“Humans,” was the simple response from the lieutenant. After a moment, he did add, “They can’t seem to resist bright colors or flashy lights or anything else they think is pretty.”

“Okay. And the foliage?”

“I’m told it’s part of their rituals. The packages underneath are gifts they’ve prepared to give to others. I think there’s actually one under there for you somewhere.”

Kabby quirked her head, her horns joustled a low-hanging sprig of plants.

“Oh careful,” the lieutenant started forward to steady the bundle of leaves and berries. “You might want to avoid standing under this when the humans are around.”

“Oh my,” Kabby sighed tiredly, “How long will all this be going on for?”

“I believe they’re celebrating tonight and tomorrow. They’re off making food and treats now.”

“Ah. Do you think any of those will be safe to eat?”

“I’ve looked into it. Some will be, some won’t be. If you plan on joining their festivities, just be sure you avoid anything with chocolate, nuts, peppermint, or anything having to do with egg nog. If you aren’t sure, ask. Or better yet just bring your own food, you know how humans can be.”

It was just then that the door opened and two of the humans walked in. “How can humans be?” Nick, the taller of the two smiled. “You two talkin’ smack about us in here?” He nodded in a way that Kabby had learned was indicative friendly teasing. “You better be careful not to end up on the naughty list, not when we’re so close!”

Sam, the second human, whose hands were very full of bowls and various goodies stopped by Kabby’s side and looked up. “You’re under the mistletoe.” And before Kabby could even begin to process what that sentence meant, Sam leaned down and pressed their lips to the top of Kabby’s head between her horns and pulled away with a large, overly-dramatic smacking sound.

The humans laughed, exchanged a few pleasentries, and continued with their holiday preparations. Kabby rubbed the spot where she had been “kissed” and gave the lieutenant a confused look. She knew of the human gesture and knew it was one of affection, but was unsure why it was given to her and what relation it had with the “missle toe” plant above her (why would the humans name a plant that? Did it have something to do with bomb production?)

The Lieutenant merely dipped his head. “ Like I said, you know how humans can be.” He paused and looked at the time display. “It’s near time. I suppose I should alert the rest of the crew who want to join in the festivities to review the human handbook and get down here.”

“I think I might want to review it as well real quick,” Kabby murmured to herself.


	11. The Gardener

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More to come on this?

Nipti was the only living soul for depfeebs, and that was the way he liked it. No annoying neighbors, no having to socialize with other garbons, just himself, his modest house, and his gardens as far as the eye could see in any direction.

He was quite fond of his gardens. They made up the largest collection of plants and fungi from across the galaxy. Taking care of them was no small task, plants from different planets required different nutrients, amounts of water or sunshine, soil composition, pruning, some were soft to the touch, others required extensive protective gear just to be near, etc. However, Nipti enjoyed the work. Not only did it keep him (very) busy, but also had a tendency to offer no small entertainment.

News spread of the amazing diversity of plant-life to be seen in the gardens, and they often attracted curious site-seers or the likes. At first, Nipti didn’t mind, but after a while, they became more and more annoying, oftentimes downright insufferable as they would pester him with questions, try to pick and take things that didn’t belong to them, or walk off stone paths and through his precious daykee bushes!

He’d had enough! After a while, when people would show up (uninvited and unannounced) to view his gardens, Nipti would begin recommending that visitors start with the garden farthest to the east of his property. Many called it “The Green Garden.” Most of the plants in this particular garden were covered in a variety of lush, beautiful green leafs. Visitors would thank Nipti and hurry on over to the Green Garden, often stepping on Mardarian purple lichen on their way.

“Watch your ste- oh! Watch it!” Nipti would yell. No matter. They’d be gone soon anyway. Running and screaming.

The Green Garden was made up entirely of plants from the well-known death planet, Earth.


	12. Injuries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was actually my first humans are weird short. This is what got me started down this genre

Captain Kar’rim scuttled down the corridor as fast as he could. He had just got word that Kate, one of the three humans on the crew, had sustained major head injuries. 

From the brief report he had been sent, Human Kate, as well as one of the other humans, Vincent, had been spending their allotted recreation time playing what they called “baseball.” It was something they often did. It consisted of the two of them throwing a small white ball back and forth at each other at high velocity. It didn’t see like it was much of a game, but the humans assured Kar’rim that an actual game of this baseball was a favorite past-time among their kind.

Typical that such a dangerous activity would be considered a human past-time, he thought, clicking his mandibles in a mixture of annoyance and anxiety.

According to the report, there had been a slight miscalculation on Kate’s part of the trajectory of the ball. Instead of landing in her glove, it hit her in her face. HER FACE! Kar’rim had not yet lost a member of his crew on any voyage. A fact he was very proud of. He was not going to lose that record because of a human game of all things!

Kar’rim reached the medical bay. He spotted Demfar, the crew’s medic trying, unsuccessfully trying to use whatever tentacles could be spared to shoo an effyn and two humans away from a hospital bed.

“Demfar, how is she?” He could see the answer to his question as soon as he asked it. Human Kate lay on the bed, her face looked almost unrecognizable. Her cheekbone and brow were so swollen, he couldn’t even see her left eye. Alarming shades of blue and purple were spreading across the left side of her face. Demfar passed a small bag of ice to Kate, who moved it slowly across her injury.

“By all things bright and…Human Kate! Stay with us, you’re going to pull through!” Kar’rim wasn’t really sure about that last part, but it seemed like the right thing to say. It was positive. Reassuring. To both Kate and himself. It was a lie, nonetheless. He looked at Demfar, who was applying a copious amount of pungent oils to the human’s darkening skin. 

How long does she have left to live? Kar’rim tried to send the question to Demfar silently, mentally willing the question to the medic’s brain. He didn’t want to ask aloud. It was rude to speak about death in front of the dying.

Neither Kar’rim nor Demfar possessed telepathic abilities, but Demfar seemed to pick up the question anyway.

“The humans have explained the situation to me. Human Kate will make a full recovery. As soon as I am finished checking for signs of a concussion, I will mend a few of the ruptured capillaries, and she will be free to go. The contusions and swelling should be gone in a day or two.” Having finished applying the oils, Demfar used a free tentacle to replace the lids to the oil vials and placed them in Kate’s hands. “Apply more of this whenever you get a chance until the ‘bruises’ fade.”

Kar’rim wasn’t sure if he heard the medic correctly. A day or two? Full recovery? Free to go? Had Demfar LOOKED at the patient?! He knew humans were hardy, but surely… these wounds?! The head trauma!? The report said the ball the humans had been “playing” with had been traveling an estimated 86 glatts per segment. An injury like that would have killed most species!

“What… what about her eye? Will she be able to see out of it again?”

“Ha, if not, it probably won’t affect her game any!” Laughed Vincent. Kar’rim turned toward him with surprise. “What happened to you being the starting catcher back home? You can’t even keep your eye on the ball!”

“You shouldn’t have thrown it if I wasn’t looking, ya’ chucklehead!” complained Kate as Demfar held a small humming machine up to the darkest part of her face. “I was distracted, Bett was on fire!”

“Bett is a booka, they’re almost always on fire,” laughed Vincent. 

Demfar finished with the humming machine and straightened up. The darkest parts of Kate’s face were considerably lighter now. “You check out, you’re free to go.” Kate sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. “Don’t forget to apply the oils.”

“No prob, thanks Doc!” Kate called back as she left with her group. Kar’rim watched as they went, amazed. He knew humans were tough, their reputation was what had led him to eventually hire three onto his crew. What would have been a traumatic, life-threatening injury to many, humans seemed to see as just an inconvenience. With a sigh of relief, he muttered a phrase which had become very popular since the humans had joined the Galactic Alliance, “I’m glad they’re on our side.”


	13. Draft Horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had a gif of a huge Blue Roan Ardennes Draft horse trotting towards the camera. It was just so BIG and majestic!  
https://thewildwaffle.tumblr.com/post/190040187526/zambit-alien-human-katie-where-are-we-going

Zambit (Alien): human Katie, where are we going? What is it that you wanted me to see?

Katie: Well, this is where I grew up. I wanted to show you around my family’s farm.

Zambit: Ah yes, so this is some sort of bonding experience for us, how exciting! I would love to see your familial home!

Katie: Oh hey, before we go in, let’s go around back, I want you to meet my horses.

Zambit (following Katie around the house toward the fields in the back): I would love an introduction with your… uh, horses. Are they not inside with the rest of your family?

Katie: What? Oh no, they wouldn’t fit in there. We’ve got a few draft horses too. Heh, they really wouldn’t fit.

Zambit: I… I must not completely understand human terms for family relations. Are they not family members? Like cousins or great-parents?

Kaite: I think you mean grandparents, and no. Horses aren’t family, well, not in the way you’re thinking. I mean, they’re kind of part of our family, but they’re not human. They’re, well, they’re horses!

Zamibt: Oh, I think I understand. So it’s more of a pet situa-OH MY STARS!! LOOK OUT, IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!!!

Zambit grabs Katie’s arm and tries to backpedal as fast as possible away from the fence that the behemoth of a creature is trotting up to them.

Kaite: Hey, calm down, it’s okay! That’s one of our horses. This is Asher, he’s one of our most friendly horses. He just wants to say hello.

It takes some time and coaxing, but eventually, Katie is able to get Zambit up to the fence to pet Asher’s nose and neck. All the while, Zambit is super tense and shocked. This Earth creature is huge. It looks like it is made of pure strength. If it wanted, it could kill them with just one of its huge “hoofs.”

It all made sense though, Zambit thought, why Katie and the other humans always seemed so fearless of native fauna no matter how big or scary. Why they always wanted to “pet” any colossal monsters they could get close to. It’s not just because humans are brave, it’s because colossal monsters are what they’re used to.

Thankfully, this “Asher” horse does seem quite docile and nice. Humans really will pack bond with anything, won’t they?

Katie: See? I think he likes you. I bet he wants a treat. I’ll have to bring him an apple or something. Maybe mom’s got some in the fridge or something. Let’s go in. Oh, I will warn you though, we have a few dogs. They know not to jump up on people, but they might get a little excited to meeting you at first. Just let them sniff you and scratch their ears and they’ll love you.

Zambit: Uh. What?


	14. Earth Report 0122 - Fables and Fairy Tales

To preface this report, Human Aaron invited me to share an evening meal with him and his family. I was quite excited, this is, as far as I have thus far studied, an important meal and their willingness to share it with me indicates that they have pack-bonded with me and consider me a friend.  
Upon arrival, I was introduced to his wife Gina and their two young daughters Isabelle and Mari. -Human young are an interesting study, and I have considered beginning a sub-study on them. Though perhaps that would be a bit overwhelming. The humans have a saying that warns against “biting off more than you can chew” which I must say would be quite wise in my case.  
Anyways, I digress.  
The meal was enjoyable. Though humans are omnivorous and capable of consuming materials found on the Galactic Lethal Materials Index, Human Aaron and his family had carefully prepared foods that were well within safety parameters. (More information about human diets, food, and related topics can be read in reports 0023-0071).  
After the meal was finished and cleaned up, we spent several Earth hours recounting memories and stories. Many such stories could have been pulled up on archives, but the way humans tell stories is uniquely enthralling. There were many times I felt like I was there on the missions with Human Aaron as he was narrating, even though they were of missions that had occurred before we met.  
As Earth’s sun set below the horizon, the two young humans began displaying symptoms of weariness. After they were prepared for slumber, they returned to the main room where we had spent our after-meal time and began pleading with Human Aaron for a “bed-time story.”  
Human Aaron began with an animated story of a family of bears. I was a bit confused with this- from my studies of Earth, I had thought that bears were non-sentient creatures, not capable of living in a “cute little house in the woods,” sleeping in beds, and certainly not cooking and eating a food called “porridge.” After an inquiry, Human Aaron informed me that the story is a fable - a story where animals are given human-like qualities in order to tell a story with a moral at the end.  
It’s a strange method, I’ll admit, but not unheard of among all the storytellers that exist in the galaxy.  
After that was cleared up, the story continued. It was quite entertaining. A small human with golden curly hair, aptly named Goldilocks, entered their house, consumed their food, and slept in their beds, only to be caught when the bears returned. I figured this was indeed a good moral - the young humans could relate to the girl in the story and they could see how breaking and entering homes was unwise. An odd lesson, but with humans, things usually are odd.  
Young Anabelle and Mari, however, were not pacified by the story and begged for another. Human Aaron began another story about two young children lost in the woods after their trail of bread crumbs was eaten. - I would like to interject here that many of these stories happen in these “woods.” I’m not sure why humans keep wandering through them if they know they so often get lost there.  
Hungry, the children in the story come across a house of gingerbread (see Report 0032 on Dangerous Baked Goods) and meet a witch who invites them into her home and tries to eat them!  
At this point, I was understandably alarmed! I was unaware that humans were cannibalistic! This is not something that has been in any reports to the Galactic Guide, or at least not that I’m aware of! Omnivores are one thing, but sentient cannibalism is not something smiled on in the Galactic community! This… this could change things!  
Seeing I was upset, Human Aaron paused his story and inquired if I was okay. I most certainly was not. After 122 reports, I thought I knew humans!  
Human Aaron assured me that the children would be okay, that they would escape without getting eaten, and most importantly, that cannibalism was not a widely-practiced custom, that there were a few instances through human history of it occurring, but that to most of the world, it was abhorrent and unacceptable. That’s why the witch was the villain of the story, after all.  
He continued with the story, but I’m not sure if I can clearly recall the rest of it. I was quite shaken up. And all this was in a children’s “bed-time story?”  
The young humans seemed completely unaffected by the story, other than what must have been a happy ending, and went to bed.  
I believe I have been given some insight as to why, or rather how humans are capable of remaining so calm to alarming and terrifying situations as adults. They are trained from a young age.


	15. Hockey

“Come on, Bakk, this is going to be fun! Jackson’s bringing the goals and Kyrie’s family has a bunch of hockey sticks of all different sizes.”

“From what I understand, this is a sport you play on ice? You know my species doesn’t do well in the cold.”

“Oh no no, it’s fine, we’re playing street hockey, no ice. We just run around with the sticks. And we just use an old tennis ball. One of these times, we’ll actually get one of those weighted balls, but for the most part, it works fine.”

“Street hockey? Marcy, did you not hear me? I just said that my species doesn’t do well in cold. It is winter. I will stay here where it’s warm.”

“It’s street hockey because we’re not on ice. We moved it inside to a gym for the winter. We just tape socks to the ends of the sticks so we don’t mess up the hardwood floors. You’ll be fine, it will be warm, especially once we all start playing and running around.”

It was true. Humans could generate quite a bit of heat when they got going. After a bit more convincing, Bakk relented. They had come to learn more about Earth culture after all, and sports seemed to be a very big part of that.

They arrived and divided up into teams. Bakk wasn’t sure how the teams were divided or how anyone was able to tell teams apart - didn’t sports usually have colored clothings for that very reason? The other team took advantage of Bakk’s confusion and called out that they were open during the first time Bakk had chased after and retrieved the old “tennis” ball they were playing with. Not realizing they were on the other team, Bakk hit the ball towards them. 

Thankfully, Bakk wasn’t quite used to the short hockey stick and the ball only rolled a few lengths away and was intercepted by Marcy.

“Wrong team Bakk, we’re going this way!”

Bakk sighed and took note of the humans that were trying to get the ball to the netted goal in question.

Bakk was faster than the humans and whenever the ball was hit or rolled away from other players, they were the first one to chase it down. However, the humans were quick to jump in and steal it away. They were quite adept and coordinated with those sticks!

It also didn’t help that when the other team came to steal the ball, they ran at Bakk at full speed. They panicked. Any sensible being would if they saw a human or two charging right at them!

Thankfully, they tried to not run into Bakk too hard. In fact, despite stealing the ball, they seemed to be trying to be gentle around them. Well, at first, it didn’t seem all that gentle, but after seeing how rough the opposing teams were with each other, Bakk’s treatment started seeming more and more tame.

That was especially true after seeing an especially wild altercation. One of the humans on Bakk’s team was chasing the ball into a corner and was fighting over it with another team using their sticks. Bakk didn’t get a clear view of what happened, but the next thing they knew, the human on the other team was on the floor holding their face. They felt a rush of alarm as they spotted red liquid leaking through the human’s fingers!

The game paused for a moment in the game as the injured human left the gym and another human from Bakk’s team stepped out of the playing zone until the other returned, tissues stuffed into the previously bleeding nostril.

One might think everyone would be a little more careful after such an injury had just occurred right in front of them, but no! The game continued on just as before! What the everliving frewan?!

There were a few more injuries during the course of the game, though the humans brushed them off and continued playing. They mixed up teams half-way through, which threw Bakk for a loop - they’d only just figured out and gotten used to who was on their team.

Finally, and not a moment too soon, the game was over and all the equipment was gathered up while the humans, who had just spent well over an hour and a half of Earth time fighting each other, talked and laughed with each other. As terrifying as the “game” had been, Bakk felt impressed by the humans’ ability to put the game’s rivalries aside so soon.

They stood next to Marcy as they waited for her to finish up her conversation so they could go home. As she talked, Bakk noticed several dark spots forming on Marcy’s arms.

“Marcy, you’ve been injured!”

“What?” She looked down at where Bakk was pointing. “Oh, I’ve added a few more bruises to my collection.”

“Nice,” Her companion laughed. “I can already feel a few new ones forming on my legs. Though at least I didn’t get it as bad as Brett, RIGHT BRETT?” They yelled that last part.

The human who had been bleeding from the nose earlier looked up, laughed, and made a gesture that Bakk was pretty sure was considered rude in human customs.

And then the conversation went back to normal like their injuries were nothing. Bakk stood in the middle of them all, surrounded by formidable aliens who, by all accounts here, don’t appear to feel pain.


	16. Musicals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that this, as with most of my humans are weird stories, takes place in the future. Albeit, not too far in the future.

Bex grimaced as he worked. He had to keep telling himself all day that the humans would eventually run out of material and stop. Surely they couldn’t do this all day?  
“Who cares what they're wearing On Main Street, Or Saville Row,” Humans Carrie and Evan trilled, “It's what you wear from ear to ear And not from head to toe That maaaaaaaatters…”  
Humans were one of the largest species that worked on the crew, besides biets like himself and a few others, but Bex could swear that they must have the largest body-to-lung ratio, because they had been singing for hours and unfortunately, there was no end in sight. There wasn’t really anything he could do about it either, as the humans were still managing to accomplish their tasks as they sang. Their multi-tasking skills were not as appreciated as they normally were in this particular circumstance.  
“So senator, so janitor, step out for a while. Remember you’re never fully dressed, though you may look your best! You’re never fully dressed without a smiiiiiiiiiiiile!”  
He sighed and stepped back to file the report on the piping he had just serviced for the ship’s hydro-cooling system. As he entered the information, he noticed another figure came around the corner.  
“Hey Bex!” A cheery voice made him look up. It was the other human on the crew, Momo, or at least, that’s what everyone called her. She caught sight of the other humans and greeted them just as cheerily as she approached Bex.  
“I’ve got a couple things for you from level three that Marb wanted sent up. As well as this,” She handed over a datapad that, to Bex’s chagrin, was full of lists of more projects that needed his and his team’s prompt attention. Fantastic. More time he got to spend with the melodious duo. He took the tools and packages Marb had sent with a resigned thanks to Momo. He supposed he should try to consider himself lucky that the songs, as strange and weird as they may be to him, had helped keep the humans focused and working at high-efficiency. Still.  
“Sorry for the noise,” he gruffed to Momo. “Hope they haven’t been bothering anyone nearby.”  
“Oh, what? The singing?” Momo laughed. “Not to worry, I don’t think anyone’s really minded.” She turned to address Carrie and Evan. “I think I recognize the song though. It’s from a musical, right?”  
“Yeah, from Annie!” Carrie piped up. “You’ve seen it?”  
Momo’s smile spread across her face and exposed her shiny teeth. Bex held back a slight shiver and mentally reminded himself that it was a friendly and happy gesture among humans. “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.”  
“Did you ever watch the new one?” Evan asked.  
“New?” Momo shook her head. “That movie’s almost as old as me. I haven’t seen that one. I’ve seen the older ones. I like the one with Carol Burnette as Miss Hannigan.”  
“Ooh, that one’s my favorite!” Carrie squealed. She stepped back from her work and pulled her arms close to her like she was trying to avoid touching something revolting. “Little girls, little girls, everywhere I look I can see them,” she sang in a withered, warbled voice.   
Momo laughed and responded with a dramatic flare, “Some women are drippin’ with DIA-monds! Some women are drippin’ with pearls!”  
Then they all three sang. “Lucky me, lucky me, look at what I’m drippin’ with - LIIIIIIITTTLE GIIIIIIIIIIRLS!!!!” and then all three burst into laughter at what must have been some inside joke among humans before they started in on some other song.  
Bex sighed. The words, “Lucky me, lucky me,” certainly seemed to hit a chord with him right about now.


	17. Love Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Found a 'prompt' on tumblr from user recklessfiction: 
> 
> "A collection of love letters written by a human in love with the idea of aliens. They’re meant to be silly things, a way for them to express their overwhelming emotions at the thought of others living out there in the universe (you know we all have those emotions.) No one was meant to read them.  
Except aliens invade. And one of them finds the letters. They’re flattered of course. "

“Can someone please tell me why the dagmar we haven’t decimated that city yet? Who’s in charge around here? ME! I gave the order, so why wasn’t it followed through!” Commander Payot stormed into the weapons hull.

“I’m sorry sir,” one gunner piped up sheepishly, “We… we can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!” Payot rounded on the poor gunner, channeling all his anger and frustration on them. This leg of the campaign was supposed to be quick and easy. Bomb a major city. That’s it. Step 4 of planetary conquest, bomb a city to show superior might. Right after steps 1, 2, and 3 being to find a planet with desirable resources, access databases and intel of said planet, and find a major city or metropolis, respectively.

“We…” the gunner quaked under the angry stare of the commander, but she pressed on to explain themselves, “We just can’t sir. It just wouldn’t be right.”

“It wouldn’t be…” Commander Payot couldn’t even bring himself to finish the blasted sentence. His fur raised and his jowls trembled and he managed to keep his voice dangerously low to address all in the hull, “Are you all drained of your senses? Can you not hear the orders I give you through your chalky skulls?” He whirled around to address all in the room. “When I give an order, I expect it to be followed immediately and in the most effective manner possible, as has been the case planet after planet. Why of all times would any of you think it wise to stop following such procedures?”

All in the room lowered their eyes and bowed their heads to him. ‘Good,’ Commander Payot thought to himself, ‘Whatever’s gotten into them, it must have just needed me coming down to shake it out of them.’ He puffed his chest and flared the crest on the back of his head imposingly. Even a well-oiled war machine such as this one needed to be reminded who was in charge around here from time to time.

“Now,” he turned grandly back toward the entrance he had thundered in through before, “I expect that city to be nothing but ashes by the time I have returned to the bridge.” He strode to the door, but before he left, he noticed something. No one was moving. He stopped. Turned back around and growled.

“What. Did. I. Just. Get. Done. Saying?”

The gunners and ammunitionists looked at each other uneasily. Finally, one stepped forward. The belt around his midsection told Commander Payot that this was the highest-ranking officer stationed in the room.

“Sir,” the officer’s voice was slightly more confident sounding that his body language portrayed, “We have all agreed that we cannot bomb this city. We can’t harm these… humans. Not after what came out in the last intel reports.”

“The last…” Commander Payot frowned deeply. He’d read many of the reports. All of them pointed that this planet was a perfect candidate for the Sundovian Campaign - the resources were more than plentiful, it was rich in minerals and life, and though there was sentient life, it was not technologically advanced enough to be any serious threat if they acted steps 4 through 8 quickly enough. There’d been a few more reports that had trickled in from recon and intel teams, but the Commander had read enough to know what he needed to do.

When he didn’t immediately yell or threaten them, the officer took a bit more courage and continued on. “Sir, the last report? The… the letters? Have you read them? It’s unlike anything we’ve ever come across, it’s unlike anything we’ve ever heard of before, except in maybe, the great love ballads of old. We cannot follow through with the campaign as it stands. We cannot, it would be… it would be… oh I don’t know,” He looked around at the others around her for help. “What’s a word for something that would be like a sin against all that is good and beautiful in the galaxy?”

“A catastrophe?” One gunner offered.

“A tragedy for hopes?” called out another. “A travesty!” “A depravation of love.” “A betrayal!”

“Yes, all of them. And more,” the officer couldn’t pick out just one of the many options echoing around the hull - they all seemed to fit the emotion they all felt stirring in their hearts. The room fell silent again. “We cannot attack. It would be too similar to that of a betrayal of a loved one.”

Commander Payot stood dumbfounded. Love? He looked around at the faces of his subordinates in the room. They all stared back, resolute in their decision. He was… at a loss. In all his years, he had never seen this before. This defiance. Not on this level. If it had just been a few, he could take care of the problem. But the entirety of the weapons unit?

At his continued silence the first gunner the Commander had yelled at piped up. “Sir, have you… have you read the latest report on Earth?” Commander Payot returned his sharp glare to the poor gunner, who’s fins dropped to the side of her body, but she swallowed and added. “The letters sir? Have you read the love letters from the human?”

Feeling a mixture of anger and indigence, but too proud to admit he had not read any such letters from the latest report, Commander Payot left without another word. He stormed back up to the bridge to catch up and understand what had gotten into his fearsome warriors. What could possibly have been written by these humans to bring the mighty hand of the Sundovian Fleet to pause their heretofore unstoppable Campaign across the galaxy?

As the commander’s footsteps disappeared down the hall, the entirety of the weapons hull occupants sighed with relief. The officer in charge rested his long hand over where his heart was still beating rapidly. That went much better than had been feared. As soon as his limbs no longer felt like they were made of guyobo slime, he wandered nearer to the large viewports of the city below. Somewhere down there, whether in that city or somewhere else on this fascinating planet, was a human, or humans, who had borne their love so freely and so movingly. Wherever they were, they had touched the hearts of this crew. The officer’s heart began beating quickly again, though for different reasons this time.

Down there somewhere was a being among beings capable of loving so deeply and purely, they could soften the hearts of visitors they had no idea even existed yet.


	18. The Pet Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans domesticated cats? Well, that depends on who you ask.

Rosem was on to the Earthling’s scam. She wasn’t sure just how far all this went, how high up the chain they had influenced leadership around here, but she knew- she KNEW- she couldn’t be the only one who saw what was going on, right?  
It all started a few partecs ago. Captain Heer, in order to help curb the crew’s humans impulse to pet every dangerous fauna they came across on missions, sent an acquisition for domesticated animals from Earth that were widely considered pets. It took a while to decide which ones, as apparently, humans have domesticated, or tried to domesticate, many animals on their planet. Very few seemed to be viable options for pets aboard an intergalactic space cruiser. However, after some input from the humans on the crew as well as research by the captain, three different species of animals were ordered.  
The first two that Rosem observed made sense as pets. One were small fat rodents that Human Rocky called gerbils. They were, even to Rosem, somewhat cute. They fit all the requirements the Captain had made for pets- low maintenance, small, safe, quiet, and didn’t consume much food or have a specialized diet. They seemed like they were ideal pets, and fit all the aspects of an animal being considered a “pet”.  
The next type of pet did as well - what Human Katarina called a “betta” fish.  
Rosem didn’t know what must have made “betta” fish better pets than the implied “alpha” fish, but the small, iridescent fish seemed to make Human Katarina happy.  
Now these two pets made sense as pets. Humans had obviously domesticated them for companionship (they certainly didn’t domesticate them for food or as work animals), and with that understanding, they made sense.  
What didn’t make sense was the small carnivorous Earth creature that showed up next: the cat. Unlike the other two, shewas not kept in a cage. No, in fact, the creature seemed to be given access to all the communal areas around the ship.  
Not only that, the cat was provided with several toys, rope-covered poles, tunnels, boxes, and even a few additional shelves were added to walls so that the cat - that all the humans had voted on calling “Moose” - would jump up and stare down at everyone from their perch.  
That was all well and fine to Rosem, a bit odd, but if that’s what this pet needed, then whatever. However, Rosem’s suspicions started growing as she observed the humans’ actions around Moose.  
When Moose entered the room, all humans were immediately at attention to her every action. The humans cooed and aww’d at everything the cat did. Moose jumps up on them while they were sitting? What a blessing. Moose starts kneading her claws in the lap of Human Arianna? Adorable. Moose then falls asleep on Arianna’s lap? She can no longer move or do anything to disturb Moose.  
When Moose meows, a human will follow them to their food bowl, which the human will add food to, even if it’s not mealtime. When Moose sits by a closed door, a human will jump up to open the door, only for Moose to stare indifferently at them and then walk off in the opposite direction. If Moose paws at a human’s leg, she gets a treat or a pet on the head. If a human is not petting Moose enough, Moose will complain or stick her massive head into the human’s face until she get more strokes and scratches.  
Sure, the humans try to “train” Moose to do small tricks, or stay out of off-limits areas, but Rosem has seen enough to know which Earthling has trained whom.  
These were no mere “pets.” Compared to the fish and the rodent, Moose was intelligent. A little too intelligent, if you asked Rosem.  
The cat knew what it was doing, and playing as a dumb animal to live the comfy life. As their humans spread across the galaxy, so would they. They’d taken over their planet, and the rest of the galaxy was next, with their domesticated humans doing all the grunt work for them. And the Captain had helped them by bringing the Earthling aboard to help their spread. What Rosem couldn’t figure out was, what was their end goal? What did they ultimately want?  
Whenever she tried to bring up her theory to anyone else, especially the humans, they laughed her off. So it was a conspiracy then. One that the humans were either unaware of, or just refused to completely come to terms with.  
Fine. She’d figure this out before it was too late, by herself.  
That’s what brought her out into the commons so late. The lights were dimmed to conserve energy since most of the crew were resting now, but she could still see well enough to find who she was looking for.  
Moose.  
The cat was curled up in a pile of shirts the humans had left out on Moose’s favorite resting shelf as an offering to their fluffy master. Moose opened one golden eye as she entered the room and stood in front of the shelf. Her tail twitched slowly and her lips curled into a smug, satisfied grin.  
She stood there, staring at the Earthling. Moose stared back. It was totally silent besides the ambient sounds of the faraway engines and operating systems around the ship. As more time passed, it became clear that the cat was trying to pull a power move by having Rosem speak first. Fine. If that’s the way it wanted to play…  
“What are you up to, huh?”  
Moose’s eyes opened slightly at the sound of her voice. Good, she had its full attention.  
“You think you can get away with this, don’t you? You’ve conquered your planet from the shadows, haven’t you? You and your kind?!” Rosem could tell she was starting to get worked up. All the frustration from the moment the cat had arrived on the ship was coming out now. She tried to keep her voice down, but it was getting harder and harder. Yet Moose still showed no expression.  
“Well, what’s next then? Was Earth not enough? How far will you spread? Huh?! You think you can get away with this just because you act like a dumb pet, don’t you?! Well, you might have scammed the humans. You might have scammed Captain Heer and the rest of the crew, but you can’t tie the blindfold over my eyes. I will expose you for what you are! You’re so used to everyone buying your ruse, aren’t you? You’ll mess up! You’ll mess up and when you do, I’ll be there! I’ll expose you and all your kind to the entire galaxy!”  
“Rosem?” Human Rocky flipped on the light and stood staring at his crewmate. “What’s going on? Why are you up so late, and yelling at Moose?”  
Rosem said nothing as she blinked her eyes to slowly adjusted to the light. She looked to Rocky. He must have gotten up for water or what the humans would call a “mid-night snack.” She sighed. Rocky had dismissed her before when she tried to bring up the cat thing before. She knew he would again until she had proof, which she had failed to get tonight. She glared back at Moose, who had now sat up and wrapped her bushy tail around her paws.  
“We’re not done here,” She muttered at the feline. “Not even close.” She turned on the spot and headed down the hall to her personal quarters without another word. Rocky sighed, walked to Moose and gave her a quick scratch under the chin while he shook his head and headed back to bed, turning the bright lights back down as he went.  
Moose sat there for another few moments, tail tip flicking irritably. She looked at the hall where the pesky alien had disappeared down. She’d have to do something about that one. Somehow, it knew too much.


	19. Unknown Powers

Entry Log Post Crash: Day 1

In all honesty, I am surprised by the number of our unit that survived the crash. Thank the stars, though. It could have been worse, it could have been so much worse. When the ship’s engines took damage yesterday and we started falling from the planet’s orbit, I thought we were all goners.

I suppose our survival is largely thanks to Human Fatima who risked her life and grabbed everyone and yanked as many as she could reach into the nearest closet. Between her and Human James and Biet Kuhir bracing the walls, we made it out with relatively minor injuries. I mean, we were all hurting, our medic is busy as frewan, but we're all alive.

The humans showed us how to construct some "lean-tos" out of parts of the ship to sleep in tonight. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. Apparently survival training in the wilderness is part of human upbringing? Or part of their required disciplines? I’m not sure. Before, I would have said that such requirements would have been a bit excessive, but now? I and every other survivor are very thankful for their preparedness.

Hopefully tomorrow we can figure out the rest of what we need: clean water, safe food sources, etc. I'm just glad we have scanners. They could very well be lifesavers for those tasks.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 3

I said earlier that no one in our unit had sustained too serious of injuries. That's not to say anyone's in great condition, but we're hobbling around as best we can. The humans seem to be recovering remarkably fast. I know, I know, that may sound like their typical MO, but even medic Kippari Sefra seemed a bit taken back by their recovery and improved mobility. All's for the best, I suppose, the rest of the unit seems to barely be in commission. The humans have managed to forage and gather food and have been carrying water from a spring they found not too far from our site. They even gathered wood and started two fires in our camp yesterday. They left Kuhir and I and a few others to tend to them on shifts as they continue to gather supplies or construct better shelters. I don't know where they've found this newfound energy of theirs, but may the stars bless them.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 8

Humans are weird, but I don’t think even they are supposed to be this weird.

Our camp has transformed into a nearly proper little village with all the work the humans have put into it. And it’s just the two of them! They are tireless, I swear! But not in the way they usually are, no. Everyone knows humans have ridiculous levels of endurance. This goes way beyond that. They move as if their blood’s been replaced with trimethylxanthine, or as they fondly call it, caffeine. Our scanners have not found any trace of the poison in the air or in any of the plants we’ve been consuming, so it’s not caffeine. Even if it was, their levels of energy still go beyond that. I’ve seen a human on caffeine plenty of times, they took out a third of an enemy boarding party on their own with nothing but a bent pipe. They’re crazy energetic, but then they always crash and need extra sleep.

Humans Fatima and James just keep going though, at even higher and higher levels of energy. Medic Kippari has been monitoring them, but they seem fine. They keep telling us to stop worrying and that they’ve never felt better.

But that’s not even the weirdest part.

Since the camp has been coming along so well, and since I’ve been able to get some rest and healing, I volunteered to go out with Human Fatima to help gather food. There are a lot of trees nearby and many have fruits that our scanners have confirmed are safe for everyone to eat. We were gathering up as many foods as we could in the baskets we had woven from some sturdy grasses when Fatima spied some fruits. They were ones we had found early on to be safe and they were so good we had eaten as many as we could until they started becoming scarce in our immediate area. These were the first ones we had found in a few days. The problem was, they were at the top of a very tall tree. Humans, turriets, and even a few of the larger skeeps are pretty decent at climbing trees, but this tree had no good holds or branches low enough to reach.

Did that stop Human Fatima? IT SHOULD HAVE?!?!?!

She put down her basket, braced herself, and jumped. And I mean jumped. Like, five times her own height!

Now, I can’t say that I’m a human expert by any means, but even I know that’s not normal! What in the shining light is going on around here?!!?!

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 9

Okay, still pretty freaked out from yesterday. No one knows how Fatima can jump like that, the gravity on this planet is normal. I suppose that’s a bit lighter than gravity on their home planet, but not by much. Certainly not enough for a 50 crute jump straight up! After we got back to the camp and informed everyone, especially Medic Kippari, who is getting more and more overwhelmed with trying to figure out all the strange behaviors and changes of our humans. As soon as Human James found out what Fatima did, he tried doing the same. The humans have gotten stuck in the tops of trees three times today alone.

The most confounding thing is that no one else in our unit seems to be experiencing the same changes. 

No one’s sure how to feel about this. Whatever’s going on with the humans, they still seem to be in a stable condition. Granted, it’s a weird and unprecedented condition as far as anyone here’s concerned, but it’s stable. Even if it wasn’t, it’s not like we can really do anything about it in our situation. 

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 13

We were attacked today. Wild creatures native to this planet were passing through and must not have liked that we were in their territory. They showed no signs of advanced intelligence or sentience, just feral hunger and viciousness. We could hear them braying long before we saw them. I’ll be honest, I was very tempted to hide myself in the rough shelters with the wounded - the beasts were terrifying! - but I knew I could never live with myself after such cowardice. I grabbed what weapons I could and waited. When the pack of them came into our little clearing, I started praying my last rites. I was sure this would be it.

The creatures were huge, hairy, and had wicked tusks and sharp claws on the end of each of their six legs. What really got me were the pale eyes though. Looking into them, I thought my soul would liquify into my toes. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, just hoping beyond a hope that they would leave us be. They didn’t though, the breeze shifted towards them and they started approaching and snarling with what I’m sure must have been hunger.

Before they could get too far, Fatima and James jumped at them, yelling and screaming. This startled everyone, but the monsters seemed to recover quicker and weren’t happy. I know a lot of crews like having humans around because of their reckless bravery and fierce protective instincts for those they bond with, but in that moment, I cursed them. I thought for sure they would be ripped to shreds in front of our eyes.

Instead, as the beasts lept, the humans would grab them right out of the air and toss them across the clearing like they were a pack of gooji fruits. Their numbers swarmed the humans, but beyond any scrap of logic or understanding, the humans kept fighting, punching, scratching, throwing, etc.

I’m not sure how long it all went on, I was too numb from shock to correctly account for time, but eventually, the pack of creatures retreated, squealing in fear of the strange monsters that kept them from what should have been an easy meal.

We checked them over and couldn’t believe what we saw. They weren’t hurt at all. Those beasts had been all over them, cutting, slashing and biting, but the humans’ skin looked like they’d hardly been touched.

I don’t… I don’t know what’s going on. I… something is wrong, or… hhhhhhrrrrr… this is weird. This is weird and I feel sick with worry. What is going on with our humans?!?!

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 16

Okay. I’m going to be honest with you, entry log and whoever finds this. Things just keep getting weirder and weirder, and I fear I’m just starting to get to a point where I can no longer be shocked. That may just be a defense mechanism, after all, if I continued to freak out over everything that’s been going on with Humans Fatima and James, I think I would mentally break down.

I just… I guess this is just happening.  
…  
Anyway.

Developments with the humans since we crashed on the planet’s surface include: rapid healing, increased strength and endurance, nearly impenetrable skin (as far as we dare test), extremely high jumping, night vision, increased speed and agility, super-keen hearing, and apparently the radiation of the sun doesn’t bother their skin in the slightest (this is apparently a problem on their home planet), in fact being in the sun all day, hard at work I might add) they seem to end up all the more radiant and full of energy.  
*sigh*  
Well, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started flying or whatever next.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 20

The humans can now fly.  
Well, not properly fly, fly. More like when they reach the zenith of their jumps, they can hover a bit and control their descent. Do you want to know what my reaction was when I saw that for the first time? I just said, “Sure. This might as well happen.” Because that’s basically where I’m at now. No one knows what the frewan is going on. Hopefully, the Glip Unit will have some insight.

Oh yea, I forgot to mention, we got a transmitter to work from the ship’s wreckage. Um, yeah, that probably should have been, like, the first thing I said, but honestly, humans are flying now so…

Anyway, we made contact with the Glip Unit, apparently, they were able to survive as well. They suffered a few casualties and had more injured than our unit, but considering their unit is larger, the probability of that being the case was high. The section of the ship they were in must have broke off from ours when we fell. They’ve got some humans in their unit, so maybe they have some insight for us. They’re bringing their tech too, so hopefully, we can build a transmitter strong enough to send an SOS off-world.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 25

The Glip Unit arrived today. They have four humans in their group. That’s how they were able to pack over what must have basically been half the wreckage from their part of the ship. As well as their injured, supplies, and important resources from near their crash site. Everyone carried as much as they could, but they, or I mean the humans, carried the vast bulk. They crashed over 40 PS units away from us. So obviously their humans are experiencing the same changes ours are. 

The ship’s chief science officer was with them though, and they did have a few interesting theories as to what caused these impossible changes. The most widely believed ones have to do with radiation. We’re not sure from what though, or why it’s not affecting anyone else. Human James brought it up that it was from the sun’s radiation. This planet is orbiting a blue giant. I think he was jesting because he also went on to explain about some “super man” who was from a planet with a red giant of a star who came to Earth and the yellow star’s radiation gave him incredible (and I mean that literally that they surely cannot be credible) superpowers like super strength, x-ray and heat vision, super speed, and flight. Okay, that last one really made me stop and consider for a second. Well, those last two points actually.

But… no. That story is preposterous and obviously fictional. I’m pretty sure I even heard something about a “comic book.” From what I understand of human culture, I believe that means it’s just a fictional story made for entertainment or propaganda. Even the other humans, although more willing to entertain the idea, surely have taken it as a joke the way they are laughing and going on about it.

There must be some other reason. A logical explanation.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 38

I realize it’s been a while since my last entry. I had to share my “bunk” as it were with some of the newcomers from the other unit and somehow misplaced my comm device in the shuffle. I’ve spent the better part of two days looking for this flargin’ thing. Turns out I had left it by the meal preparation fire spot. How did I find it? I didn’t. Human Rafael of the Glip Unit did. How? Apparently, when he found out I had lost it, he tracked it down through scent.

I’ve read the human handbook. I know that humans don’t have the greatest sense of smell, especially not in comparison to my own. And yet, I couldn’t track down my own comm device, but a human could. I’ve added this to the very long and still-growing list of new and improved abilities the humans have exhibited since arriving.

Well, um, also there’s been a bit of activity in the past twelve days while my comm was missing. Like I said, the Glip Unit moved in. Everything has been very smooth with combining forces and resources. We managed to set up a transmitter that’s been sending out a signal and how to find us this last week. We haven’t had any feedback from it yet, but it’s only been a few days.

We had a few more native creatures visit our camp. None as scary as the first beasts that attacked us, though there was a flock of small flying reptiles that took to dive-bombing and biting at us. Once they were scared off, we later found that Humans James, Mae, and Boris had caught a few and were attempting to keep them as pets. We had them release their “tiny dragons” as they called them.

They weren’t happy but listened and followed. Honestly, at this point, I’m just glad the humans are still respecting the established line of authority. This is a wild planet, after all. We’re surrounded by nature’s laws of the strongest doing as they please, and honestly, the humans are without a doubt the strongest here. I don’t think they’ll do anything, stars forbid if they decided to mutiny. I do believe in our bonds though. I have faith in their loyalty and our friendships. Humans, even before all the weirdness this planet has added to them, have always been renowned for their legendary familial ties and pack bonding. I don’t think these new powers can strip them of that.

And honestly, I hope that my faith is accurately placed because if not, we are in trouble.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 44

I hope that our signal will be found, but no one knows how long that will take for it to heard and then send a response and for them to arrive to save us. It could be tomorrow, it could be… well it could be a long time from tomorrow.

The humans are concerned about food supplies. At first, many of us were confused at why. There’s plenty of fruit in the trees, roots in the ground, and non-poisonous wildlife to hunt. It was pointed out by some in my unit that such supplies could change. Their home planets, as well as the human’s planet experience what are known as seasons. It could be warm and plentiful for a space of time now, but it could rotate through times of cold barrenness that we are not currently prepared for.

We don’t know enough about the orbital path and tilt of this planet to know if such seasons could affect us.

Even though we’re not sure, the humans have been arguing that we should prepare for “winter.” They want to do this by reinforcing our huts for possible cold weather, gathering extra wood and storing it for fires, gathering soft plant fibers or tanning hides from some of the beasts that the humans and biets have killed for food, saying that they could make extra clothes with them to keep warm. For the most part, these actions seem pretty harmless, they are using the resources or byproducts of resources we’re already using. On some, the preparations are a bit time-consuming, but honestly, if it’s keeping the humans busy and occupied in their “spare time,” all the better.

The only real qualms some have with their preparations are the human’s requests to start planting seeds from the fruits and plants we’ve gathered for food. That would make sense in the long-run, but I had to voice my concerns with everyone - I know enough about human cultures to know that if they begin cultivating crops, the rest of humanity might view this planet as a human colony. It wouldn’t matter if the humans had only planted the crops for survival. Or if those humans were crew members of a Galactic Confederation crew. Similar things have happened with planets in the past, and the political disputes are still going on. I just… I don’t want to go there. The humans have argued that if they don’t do something to stock up for winter, we won’t even be around for such future disputes. I argued that we don’t even know if this planet will have a winter.

Acting Lieutenant Greetch decided that we would not allow crops to be planted. The humans weren’t happy, and honestly, I’m a little nervous. Not just because the humans are upset with the decision, but also because, what if they’re right? What if winter comes and we starve?

By the stars, I hope we’re found soon.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 50

We received a response to our SOS signal! It’s from a Galactic Confederation ship. They’re coming for us! We’re getting out of here!

Everyone’s thrilled. We’re preparing a party of sorts - lots of food and games. Might as well use up the resources we’ve gathered, we’ve got plenty and will be gone soon anyway. We’ll even have left-overs to bring aboard the ship when it arrives, barring no one aboard has any allergies to our local fruits.

Entry Log, Post Crash Day 61

We saw the ship hovering in the sky this morning, high up in the atmosphere. By midday, several shuttles had been launched down to ferry us and our supplies aboard.

The Captain of the ship, Captain Benga, and a few officers and medics came down to survey our condition. They were impressed by our camp and even more so with the means of how it was put together. They’re just as baffled with the humans’ current condition as we are, though their medic did agree that some form of radiation did seem a possible cause. Captain Benga has asked that I turn in my entry logs once we get settled on the ESS Chickar. 

I thought the humans would be happy to leave. However, I noticed they were the last ones to board the shuttles. They wandered forlornly through the huts that we were leaving behind, claiming that they were going to give the place “one last check to make sure nothing important is left behind.” Human Fatima had to be ordered to her seat after the second “all aboard” call was given.

I have a sneaking suspicion, or rather, maybe more of a foreboding feeling, that humanity is not done with the planet that they now insist on naming Krypton.

***

End Entry Log.   
Recording uploaded Galactic Stardate 208.147.4.2601  
Data stored and copied aboard ESS Chickar.

Additional Notes:

Chief Medical Officer Squifra Gharti under Captain Liutan Benga.  
Concerning the humans found and rescued from the planet Tarsi 6 (Krypton) among Units Glip and Sen of the former ESS Luxena.

The six humans in question were found possessing awe-inspiring capabilites. From the included Entry Log, as well as from our own testing, we have listed their abilities to include prolonged stamina, vastly increased strength, agility, hearing, vision, smell, and speed. Healing speeds have been recorded up to 62 times more rapid than usual with certain injuries, though more serious wounds are unknown and will remain untested for obvious ethical reasons. Muscular structure appears to have remained largely unchanged from control group (humans assigned to ESS Chickar, as well as human anatomical information sources) and yet and capable of feats such as jumps over 67 standard miets, and are able to hover at the peak of their jump for up to a recorded two moortiks.  
Since the rescue, the limits of their new-found capabilities seem to be waning, albeit slowly. Time and additional study will be needed to know if the effects from the still-unknown source any of these changes on the planet will be permanent, or cause any additional side-effects in the future.  
Recommendation will include additional study as soon as we arrive at an appropriate facility. In the meantime, we are keeping the humans quarantined from our own crew’s humans in case any residual radiation affects them.

Many of the Luxena humans have shared insights that their changes were pleasant and wish to return to the planet. I would recommend keeping the information of all this within the Galactic Confederation confidentials for now. We do not need rogue humans or Earth agencies traveling to Krypton and then wreaking havoc on the rest of the galaxy.


	20. The Prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found this old story I wrote forever ago and finished it. I didn't do much editing, so I hope it reads well.

Garn had not been overly enthused when he found out he was scheduled for yet another shift. As much as it annoyed him, he had his suspicions that it would not be his last. He sighed as he loaded up in the transport. That’s what he signed up for, he supposed, after all, when you’re working for the Trinn-Harrup Syndicate, one of the galaxy’s biggest, most notorious criminal organizations, you just have to work until the jobs get done. It paid the bills though. Hopefully he’d be able to afford to get out of this gleng-hole soon.  
The pickup was during the night cycle, which was, on their current planet Karbrin, especially dark. Garn, as well as four more guards and a driver, arrived on location and waited for the drop-off. The prisoner they were to escort to the Syndicate’s Headquarters must be a high-profile enemy, or so Garn thought. It wasn’t his position to be in the know. It was his position to make sure prisoners of the Trinn-Har’rup Syndicate were intimidated and unable to try anything stupid while they were being transported.  
A beam of light lit up the abandoned lot where they were waiting. Garn shielded his eyes with one of his massive forearms.  
“Dang Nebbilins, not only are they late, but they apparently feel the need to alert anyone within a quadrant of our whereabouts!” Garn heard the guard to his left murmur. He agreed. Dealing with Nebbilins was never an enjoyable ordeal. Their poor hearing and eyesight (especially at night) made any interactions with them incredibly noisy and conspicuous affairs. Not to mention that their quill-covered, opaque, multi-limbed bodies were hideous to most other creatures in the galaxy. Nevertheless, they were good at what they did, and what they did was catch and incapacitate prey. Especially when that prey had a bounty on its head.  
The first two Nebbilins crept out of the ship, checking to make sure the coast was clear. They spotted the Syndicate guards, still somewhat blinded by the many floodlights from the newcomer’s ship. One of the Nebbilin scouts reared back its head and let out a series of loud squawking cries. Soon more Nebbilins trotted out of the ship, one half-carrying, half-dragging a bound figure. Nebbilin slime has a compound that paralyzes many species, which led them to be such good bounty-hunters. Certain quills can inject the slime into their prey’s bloodstream, if the slime that oozes from their skin doesn’t get to them first that is. Though their catch tonight looked like the slime had taken a toll on them, they seemed to still be in control of quite a few of their motor functions.  
Impressive, thought Garn, This must be a particularly powerful prisoner. That would explain the high-security tonight. The Nebbilins brought the prisoner to the Syndicate guards where Garn recognized the creature. It’s a human! I’ve only heard stories about them!  
And what stories they were! Garn struggled to keep his calm. He had to look the part as an intimidating guard, but honestly, he wanted to get closer, get a better look. He wanted to know if any of the amazing stories about humans were true. Could they really survive being struck by lightning? Were their ancestors really hunter-gatherers that could pursue prey for days until it gave in to exhaustion? Could their punches really shatter Kartian bones?  
He kept his questions to himself, however, as the other guards (who seemed substantially less curious about their prisoner) exchanged the bounty for the human and gruffly returned to the transport shuttle, prisoner in tow. Garn followed quietly, making sure to keep the human in view from behind the hulking masses of the fellow guards.  
The transport ship was a bit cramped with all the guards and the human. Garn figured this was likely because the close quarters would increase the intimidation factor for any creature unfortunate enough to find themselves the enemies of the Syndicate. One guard sat upfront with the driver, two in the seat closest to the door, and one on either side of the prisoner in the back. There was no chance of anything fighting its way out, in case any notion of doing so was even still possible to any unfortunate enough to be in such a position.  
Garn, to his silent delight, had been assigned as one of the guards to sit next to the human. The other guard, Arun sat on the other side of the bench and didn’t speak, as was protocol, but neither did he object when after a few moments, Garn quietly began pestering the human prisoner with questions.  
“I’m not supposed to speak to you, but I’ve never met a human before. My name is Garn, what’s yours?”  
“Porter. My name’s Porter Stone.”  
That was an odd name to Garn, but who was he to judge alien names. “Have you ever been struck by lightning?”  
Porterstone looked at him curiously. “Uhh… no.”  
“Do you know any other humans who have ever been struck by lightning?”  
The human stared at him in the darkness. After a moment, his mouth stretched across his face and he made a short breathy noise that must have been some sort of laugh. “No. Not personally.”  
“But there are humans who have been struck by lightning? And they lived?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Wow, that’s amazing!” Garn straightened back up as one of the guards at the door turned back to check on them. He waited for a while before leaning back over to speak to the human again, “Porterstone, I’ve never met a human before. I have so many questions. I wish we had met in better circumstances so we could ask them.”  
“You and me both,” Porterstone chuckled.  
Garn straightened up and sat silently for a bit. He reprimanded himself mentally. He meets a human and the first thing he asks is the lightning question? Really? His mind raced as he tried to pick another question, a better question. Who knew when he’d meet another human after all.  
“Do you know to… uh… how to snap? I mean, snap your fingers?” Garn did his best to imitate the motion with his own large fingers. He’d heard humans could make an insanely wide range of noises, with their mouths, with their bodies, etc. They were supposedly one of the greatest mimics of the galaxy. Garn could think of so many situations where that skill would be so useful, or even dangerous.  
The human next to him just stared, an amused look of perplexion clear on his face. Finally he smiled and shook his head, his white teeth exposed and catching what little light there was around them.  
“You know, of all the criminals or lawmen alike that have questioned me, you’ve definitely got the most unique style.”  
“He’s just too curious for his own flargin’ good,” Arun grumbled from the other side of the bench. “It’s gonna get him killed in the end if he keeps it up.” Garn caught the sidelong glance he was shot and took it for the warning that it was.  
They were silent again for a while as Garn grumpily stewed in his life to this point. He couldn’t wait to get out of here, away from the Syndicate, start his own life, have his own adventures. Instead, he was stuck doing the grunt and dirty work of the Trinn and Harrup crime lords. It was not pleasant work and often he would wake from night terrors after having to relive something he saw or had been ordered to do. He hated it. He hated all of it, but he had to stay. It was the only way he was ever going to ever be able to afford to leave. He’d get out of here. Very few ever did, but he was going to make it. He had to.  
Garn was pulled out of his dreaming when he felt a gentle nudge to his arm. He looked down at Porterstone who had a sideways conspiratory grin on his face. He moved his tied up arms to draw Garn’s attention, the fingers on one hand-held together oddly. With a quick move, his fingers made a soft snap sound.  
“Oh, dang, hold on, that wasn’t a very good snap at all.” He readjusted his fingers and did it again, this time making a clear loud snapping sound. He chuckled at Garn’s awed reaction and snapped his fingers again in rapid succession.  
“You both need to quiet down,” grumbled Arun. “You’re in enough trouble as it is, human. We’ll be arriving soon, and you’ll find there will be nothing to laugh about there.”  
That stopped the talking for a while, but Garn felt more and more questions bubbling up inside him again. He had so much he wanted to say to Porter. After a few minutes of silence, he dared to risk whispering again.  
“I’ve only heard stories about humans. Most of them seem too amazing to be true, but here you are, still able to move and speak after coming into contact with Nebbilin toxin. Are the rest of the stories true?”  
Porterstone smiled broadly in the dim cabin light but said nothing. Garn straightened up again as another guard checked on them, announcing that they were just about to arrive at the Syndicate headquarters before returning to their seat. The silence seemed heavier than usual to Garn. He had worked for the Trinn-Harrup for over three solar cycles now, and he had never felt such pity for a prisoner. He dreaded the idea of what would happen to this human. He looked sideways at Porterstone. The human’s smile had faded slightly, replaced now with a relaxed, almost smug expression. Garn did a double-take. How was the human so calm? Maybe he didn’t understand the full extent and breadth of what was going to happen once they reached the Syndicate?  
“Garn, I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but you remind me of a stuffed toy I had as a kid.” Garn turned his head sharply at Porterstone’s voice. His mind had been wandering off to the future that lay in store for this near-flippant creature at his side. When Garn didn’t respond, Porter went on, “It was one my aunt had won for me at a county fair when I was very young. It was a strange toy, we never really figured out what animal it was supposed to look like, but I loved that thing… named it fluffy, creative name, I know. I carried it wherever I went. I kept that thing for years, it’s probably still sitting somewhere in my parent’s attic for all I know.” Porter paused and sighed quietly with a smile. “Well anyway, I hope you don’t mind me saying, but I guess you just look like a friend to me.”  
Garn felt a mix of feelings. It seemed an odd thing to say, especially coming from a bound and tied prisoner he was guarding. He was supposed to be intimidating and scary, after all! No prisoner had ever dared speak to him like this. As a matter of fact, no prisoner had ever dared speak to him at all, beyond maybe scared whimpering. A part of Garn felt indignant at the human’s words, and yet, a small part of him felt thrilled beyond measure. And yet, a larger part of him felt overwhelmingly thrilled and surprised. He’d heard that humans could pack bond with anyone or anything given the right circumstances. Here and now seemed like the complete opposite of “right circumstances,” and yet, he couldn’t shake his feeling of joy at being considered a human’s friend. Which only made the human’s fate seem even more tragic and personal to Garn.  
It certainly was a double-edged sword in so many ways.  
The transport ship lurched to a stop. The doors were opened by waiting Syndicate guards outside. The guards by the door jumped out, weapons at the ready as Arun and Garn escorted Porter out. Almost as soon as Porter’s feet hit the ground, the guards made the mistake of momentarily letting go of his bonds. He swept the legs out from under two of the surrounding guards. Quick to react, the remaining guards reached to grab him again, but Porterstone smacked one’s hand away and looped their bound hands around the guard's neck and pulled down. As the guard bent down with the human’s strong pull, their face was met with Porterstone’s rapidly rising knee. There was a disturbingly loud crunch sound as something or several somethings broke and the guard went down hard.  
The human crouched down and backed up hard into a guard behind him, knocking them back before he swung his elbow hard into the side of their head. Another guard down.  
The guards he had first knocked down were back up and grabbed him. After a brief struggle, they too dropped to the ground. Garn, who had still been getting out of the shuttle couldn’t see what had happened, but as he stepped out, he could see Nebbilin injection pins in the necks and arms.   
Garn stared, flabbergasted at the human. He hadn’t just been exposed to the toxin, he’d been injected with it? And was still conscious? Had he pulled those out of his own skin? Those were supposed to take a medic to be removed safely! What was he thinking?!  
Porterstone whipped around instinctively to square up with Garn. Garn didn’t move. Eventually Porterstone relaxed his defensive stance ever so slightly. Behind him, Garn could see more guards coming from the headquarters ’ entrance. They might not have properly seen what was going on because their formation seemed formal and in no real rush just yet. That wouldn’t last long though. If Porterstone was going to get away, he had to go.  
“The shuttle’s keycard should still be up front with the driver. You can still get away.”  
Porterstone frowned and tensed as if he might still attack. “Why?” The guards coming up from behind must have realized something was up now, as a chorus of yells rose up for someone to call an alarm and several other voices shouting about the prisoner escaping.  
The human glanced back and took a few steps toward the driver’s side of the shuttle. “Why are you helping me? You’re one of them.”  
“I hate it here. I don’t want them to hurt you.” Garn’s voice seemed so quiet that he wasn’t sure if Porterstone could hear him.   
He must have though because as soon as he pulled open the shuttle’s door and threw the driver out and onto the ground, he yelled back, “Get in!”  
“What?”  
“You’re different. I’m never wrong about my first impressions.” Porterstone struggled with trying to start the shuttle back up. Garn ran around to the door. “If you hate it here now, you’ll really hate it if they think you helped me escape, so get in.” Still the shuttle’s engines remained quiet.  
Garn looked back. The guards were almost on them. A realization hit him that the only reason they hadn’t started firing at them was because they thought Garn was still trying to stop the prisoner. As soon as they realized he wasn’t on their side anymore, that would no longer be the case.   
Garn turned back to Porterstone, still struggling to even get the shuttle started back up. “Move!” He shoved the human away from the controls and jumped into the seat. “I know how to drive this thing!” The side of the shuttle rocked as the other guards began opening fire. Well, they must have figured it out.  
The instant the engine roared to life, Garn shoved it into gear and tore out of there. The shuttle leaped into the air before it leveled out in its forward momentum. Garn swerved behind a carved stone to avoid the blaster fire as he aimed the shuttle back toward the headquarters outer field entrance and gunned it.  
“Pedal to the metal dude, we make it past that, we’re clear.” Porterstone stared ahead toward the security gate, which was starting to close. Garn growled. He had the shuttle’s throttle open as wide as he could, but it was going to be close. This was really happening. This was really happening! How the frewan did this happen so fast? The gates were almost shut by the time the shuttle reached them. With a loud crash, the shuttle’s motion wrenched the gate open just enough for them to rip their way through, the outer armor screaming in protest as it was gouged and ripped against the door. With a lurch, the shuttle pulled itself free and they shot out into the darkness of the night.  
“Woohoo!” Porterstone howled. He slapped his still-bound hands against Garn’s shoulder, “That was amazing flying my man! Amazing! We did it!”  
We did it. Garn couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Or what he was seeing. Or what he was doing. He. He was out. Oh flarg. This was happening. He was out. That’s what he’d wanted for so long, but he felt a pit in his stomach. He was out, but he was now a fugitive of the Trinn-Harrup Syndicate. He was as good as dead.  
The celebrating human must have caught on to the growing terror of his realization.  
“Hey, guy, don’t worry, we’re out. You don’t… you… uh… what’s your name? I need to know what to call you.”  
Garn felt so tense that he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to speak, but he finally managed to say his name. Or more like whisper it. “Garn. My name’s Garn. Oh, stars I’m going to die. What have I done?”  
“Garn. Garn, look at me. Wait, no, keep watching where you’re going. Just listen to me. You can’t go back now. You know what will happen even better than I do if you go back.” Garn tightened his hold on the steering wheel. Porterstone continued. “What’s done is done. You’re free, do you hear me? You hated that place and you’re free.”  
“They’ll come for me. They’ll come for you. We’re still going to die.”  
Garn could see the human in his peripheral as he sat still next to him. He sighed. “Garn?” Garn shot him a quick glance before looking back out the front of the shuttle, dodging trees and obstacles, trying to dodge and weave and stay hidden in case they were being followed. “Garn, if you want, I could use someone like you on my team. Stick with me and you’ll never have to worry about the Syndicate again.”  
“They caught you before, they can do it again. You only got away because of me.”  
“Exactly, and now I have you. Plus, those bounty-hunters only got me on a fluke. See if I ever enter another “art show” that rat snitch hosts again,” He muttered.  
A few moments of quiet and Garn could feel the fear tension ebb out of his muscles slowly. He took a few deep breaths. Once his heart felt like it was beating at an almost normalish rate again, he finally spoke. “Where am I going now?”  
“Hmm? Oh, yeah, just a bit further. I’ve got a plan.”  
Garn nodded silently. After a moment, he realized something the human had said. “Wait, you said you have me?” He felt a stir of hopefulness at what that could mean.   
Porterstone looked over at him again. “Oh, yeah, I mean, if you want to, that is. I could use you on my team. I think you’ll fit in, and well, there’s safety in numbers after all. You can do whatever you want though.”  
Garn took another breath and nearly started laughing. Or maybe crying. He wasn’t sure, but he did manage to nod and smile. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” He could. He wanted to.  
As he drove on, Porterstone would occasionally give instruction or direction. Garn would follow silently, silently wondering and thinking of more questions he had for his new human friend, as well as marveling at the new life before him. He was free. And he had already made a powerful friend. Whatever else was ahead of him, he was happy to face it.


	21. The Gardener Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation from "Chapter" 11

It was time. Nipti wasn’t overly excited about it, but if he put off his chores any longer, the plants in the Green Garden would suffer for it. The resident plants of the garden were hardy and with the way he had set up the garden years ago, the section was one of the most low-maintenance sections of his beautiful sprawling gardens of flora and fungi from across the galaxy.

His gardens had of late become something of a small tourist attraction. He’d been hard at work making sure visitors were provided with safe paths to follow. It was another matter to get people to stay on those paths. In fact, making sure visitors didn’t overly bother the specimens in his gardens or damage them took almost as much time as caring for the plants themselves did. It was becoming too much as of late. He was even considering hiring on help, but as of yet, he hadn’t. For a multitude of reasons. One being that the hiring process seemed so time-consuming and exhausting a task that he just kept putting it off. Two, there were dangerous specimens in several areas of the gardens, the Green Garden, the Fyritik Conservatory, the Beken Garden, and several individual plants sprinkled throughout various beds, nurseries, and plots. Finding someone able to care for such dangerous plants as he had seemed unlikely. Even less so when that someone would have to be someone willing to do so, or someone Nipti felt he could get along with. There was, after all, a reason he preferred to care for his plants and specimens in isolation.

Still, Nipti thought as he donned his protective gear, it would be nice to have help. He tightened the elastics of his thick safety gloves. He blinked his tired eyes slowly a few times before taking a deep breath and stood to get on his waiting hoverbike. He double-checked his toolbox strapped behind him. There was a lot of excessive growth and he had to make sure he had the right trimming tools. With a pause, he thought to add a shovel as well as the small trowel that was already inside. He knew there were a few specimens that were ready to be transplanted, and the larger shovel might be helpful. Finally satisfied that he had what he’d need, he set off toward the Green Garden.

Traveling around his many gardens was a simple delight that made all the work seem worth it. The air was sweet with combinations of fragrances from across the galaxy. Gorgeous colors splashed the landscape in breath-taking shapes and patterns. He took in the sight with a peaceful grin as he zipped by.

As he came within sight of the beautiful but dangerous Green Garden, his grin faded. In the middle of a field, someone had landed a small, beat-up ship. Nipti parked the hoverbike and with a huff, marched toward the ship, grabbing the shovel just in case he had to scare off whoever this trespasser was. Hopefully, he wouldn’t need it. With any luck, the garden itself would chase them off before he even came across them.

He examined the ship. He frowned at the landing equipment that sat crushing the tender grass blades he’d worked so hard to cultivate. The ship itself was small, so that was something. There probably wouldn’t be lasting damage once it was gone, or at least, there better not be.

It was quickly clear that the pilot was not here. Nipti gave the ship dubious look, it looked like it might fall apart with a good gust of wind before he scanned the surrounding area for the intruder. There seemed to be a disturbance in the brush a few lengths away. Readjusting his grip on the shovel, Nipti marched off to confront the idiot who was likely going to get themselves killed.

As he approached, he could hear music playing. Wait, no, not playing, it wasn’t an instrument, it was a voice? Nipti paused only briefly to listen before continuing. The music was beautiful, but he had to focus on the task at hand.

“Hello, are you the one who landed your ship on my field? I’m going to have to ask you to leave before you hurt yourself. These gardens are dangerous.”

The music stopped and a voice from somewhere within the bushes responded. “Oh, hello? Sorry, I’m a bit hard of hearing, give me a second.”

A few moortiks and a few shaking bushes later, a two-legged, two-armed alien appeared, smiling and carrying two large buckets full of various colorful plant matter. They had a messy patch of stringy hair on the top of their head, which they tried to blow out of their eyes. “Hi, I, uh… I’m really sorry to bother you, but my ship-”

“Your ship is right on top of my grass specimens,” Nipti interrupted irritably.

The alien blinked a few times and the tan skin on their cheeks turned slightly pinkish. “Oh, sorry about that. I… it was an emergency landing and I was just trying to not land on anything that I’d crush.”

Nipti continued frowning as they looked the alien up and down. The raggedy clothes they wore bore no identifying insignias. Their two muscular arms were covered in scratches, some of which might have come from the plants they’d just come out of, and others that looked too deep and old to have been inflicted by anything in the Green Garden. Their hands were strong looking and were tightly holding on to the heavy-laden buckets. The buckets. They must have gotten them from a supply shack nearby.

“I think,” the alien continued, “that the grass will be fine. It’s pretty hardy stuff. I mean, maybe just a bit of extra water and you won’t even notice-”

“What are you doing with those buckets?” Nipti interrupted again.

The alien lifted the buckets in question slightly as they looked down at them. “Ah, yes, well, uh you see, I landed and I went looking for help and I noticed the raspberries were really desperately needing to be picked, and I was really hungry, so I went and found these-”

“You ATE them!?!”

The intruding alien looked alarmed and bashful, “No, I mean, yes, but just the ones that fell on the ground. I picked the rest and put them in here,” they swung the bucket slightly, “as well as some cucumbers and peppers that looked like they were ready. I just… I just used to keep a garden back at home and I know how much work it can be so I thought I’d help out a bit so you or whoever owns this farm might be more willing to help me.”

“You ATE THEM?” Nipti barely registered the rest of what the alien was mumbling. Great, he thought. Most of the time people get cut or have injuries from visiting this garden, but no one has ever had so little sense to actually EAT something from here before! Now he was going to have someone die on his property. Great. There went his gardens. There went everything! 

“You idiot!” Nipti continued, his mind a jumbled mess as he started breaking down. “Those plants produce xylitol. Do you have any idea where most of them come from? Do you? These are my Green Gardens. These plants come from the Death World Earth! And what do you do? You waltz in and eat something from Earth without even knowing what it is! As if I needed more to worry about around here! You’re going to die and guess who’s going to be held responsible? Do you have any idea how hard I work to keep these gardens? And what do I get? Visitors! Visitors who think they can just wander around where they want with no regard for the plants. And what’s more, these plants in this garden are from Earth and include some of the most dangerous there- What?!”

The alien was gesturing as if they wanted to cut in and say something. Nipt stopped his rant and the alien took a small breath and sat the buckets down.

“I’m really sorry for bothering you. I meant no harm. I’ll be fine though, I promise. I just ate a few raspberries. And like, two cucumbers, I swear. They were damaged, or like I said, they, uh, they had fallen on the ground. The raspberries I mean. I didn’t hurt your crops you could use though. I just… I just needed help and I was really hungry, and… and…”

Nipti stared at them. They weren’t concerned about the dangerous plants they ate. Then he realized something- they named the plants. Bits of what they’d been saying started piecing together. “Wait,” Nipti waved his hand gently side to side, “you know what you ate? How do you know about these plants?”

“Well, I had a garden once and I grew a lot of different things. Or well, I tried to. My Mom had more of a green thumb than I do, but I liked gardening, so I grew what I could.”

“You grew these plants.” Nipti shook his head. “These plants are from Earth, they’re difficult to get ahold of outside the Sol system. How would you have been able to get any to grow?”

The alien stared blankly at him for a while. “Uh… I went to the nursery and got seeds? I’m… I’m a human? I’m from Earth.”

It took about half a moortik for what they just said to make sense. In the meantime, the human picked the buckets up and set them closer to Nipti. “Well, like I said, I really am sorry about bothering you. My ship is really in bad condition and I really do need help.” 

Nipti looked up at their face and stared. He’d never met a human before. He’d heard stories, some seemed pretty outrageous, but Nipti always suspected that anything that came off a planet that also produced the kinds of plants he cared for would have to be pretty outrageous.

The human continued, “I’d be willing to help around your gardens in exchange for some food and supplies. And maybe also some tools so I can fix my ship?” The human looked back to the bushes they had come out of earlier. “You said you’re really busy, right? And I can tell you’ve got a lot on your hands. I can help. I can pick the fruits and vegetables, I can trim, I can weed, I can help water, I can… I can help!”

Nipti considered them for a while. He’d been taking care of all his gardens for so long. Just him. That’d been the way he liked it. At the same time, he had depfeebs and depfeebs of gardens, and doing it alone was getting to be too much. Especially with the growing attention he’d been getting lately. Maybe he could use the help. And from a human no less? They’d be able to work the Green Garden for sure. Also, having a human around was always good for security reasons.

The human shifted their weight in the silence. When Nipti finally nodded at them, they sighed with relief and smiled. “I’m Marley, by the way,” and held out their hand.

Nipti returned the introduction and held out a hand as well to return the greeting. Marley grabbed his hand and shook it gently. Nipti turned back to the ship. “First things first, that needs to be moved. We’ll work out the rest of the arrangements once we get that in the garage. We can fix it up there.”

“Uh…” Marley scratched at their head, “How are we going to get it there? It’s kind of… well I was lucky to not crash land if you know what I mean.”

That complicated things a bit. Nipti sighed. “That’s fine. I’ll see if I’ve got enough hover lifts and we can tow it back.” He set the shovel down next to the buckets then headed back toward his hoverbike. “Wait here,” he called back.

“Do you want me to keep picking the raspberries while I wait?”

Nipt looked back. The human was smiling wide with their teeth showing slightly. It made him shiver, but he had heard that that’s just how they smile sometimes. He waved toward the direction of the shed they must have found the buckets in the first place. “That would be fine,” he gruffed. “You can eat your fill, but only as long as you absolutely know what it is you’re eating and it’s safe.”

“Wow, yeah thank you! Thank you so much!”

Nipti shook his head and started up his hoverbike. He looked at the ramshackle ship. It was surely some miracle granted of the stars that the human hadn’t been killed flying that death trap. It was going to take a lot to get it running again. As he started back toward the path to his main garage and tool center, he glanced back to where the human had disappeared back into the dangerous thorny bushes. He could just make out music coming from beyond the broad leaves again.

He shook his head. A human, in his gardens. He wondered how, for good or bad, having a human around would change things around here.


	22. The Prisoner - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of The Prisoner because I had a few people ask me to continue it. And well, I'm a sucker for requests so here we are.  
I guess this is a new series now though? idk. If it gets very long, I might have to make it it's own work like Abduction is. We'll see if we even get to that point.

Garn was uneasy, but his training with the Syndicate overrode any outward expression of fear or other weaknesses. Instead, he channeled his nervous energy into scanning the crowds and shadows for potential threats. That kept him busy because at the Tupiti Port, everyone was a potential threat.  
And what’s more, he was 100% sure that by now the Syndicate knew which of their guards had gone rogue and had helped their human prisoner escape. They’d lost any pursuers from the initial escape quite a while ago, but there were only so many spaceports in the accessible area and it was only a matter of time before Garn and Porterstone were tracked down to Tupiti. It was stressful, but Garn funneled that into keeping up a stony facade and remaining vigilant.  
The human in question was klern-near prancing around from stall to stall in the market area. Garn had at first adamantly refused to enter the shopping area, knowing full well how easily one could be stalked and attacked with so many places for enemies to hide. However, that hadn’t done anything to stop Porterstone. After a bit of growling, Garn grudgingly followed. He didn’t like being too far away from his new human companion. And anyway, if the Porterstone died, how the frewan was he supposed to get off-world? -If he survived much longer than his new friend for that to even be a concern, that is.  
Afterall, what’s logic to a human’s curiosity?  
“You know, Garn,” Porterstone pulled him out of his anxious thoughts, “I seem to be getting a lot better deals on what I need with you around.”  
“Mmm.” Garn shook his head and went back to scanning their surroundings.  
“No, I mean it. It’s like they see you behind me and they pretty much take whatever amount I offer, no matter how much I lowball them.” He gingerly placed his latest purchase into the satchel he had also bought earlier from another booth. “I mean, I know you’ve got the whole ‘big and scary’ thing going on, but I think most of these guys are actually, like, really scared of you.”  
“It’s the Syndicate. They see that I’m a Dantum. It’s well known that many of us serve as the Syndicate’s muscle.”  
Porterstone turned to walk backwards and looked at Garn as he continued down the walkway. “Wow. There’s really that many of your race in the business that you’ve all a rep? Geeze, it’s not like all of your kind work for the Syndicate, am I right?”  
Garn growled quietly. “Every adult. Unless you’ve got the credits or connections to get out.”  
Porterstone stopped walking and Garn continued past him, effectively taking the lead as the human spun around and bounded after him.  
“Wait, Garn! Really? That’s crazy, you’ve got to be-”  
He didn’t get to finish that line.  
Garn saw the glint of the blaster catch the light and acted as though by instinct. He shoved Porterstone to the ground and ducked behind a table. The stall directly behind where they had just been standing exploded. Screams and terrified yells covered the sound of Garn’s growling commands to Porterstone as he hauled him up and practically carried him through the panicked crowd. He hadn’t gotten a look at the shooter, but whoever they were, they must be incompitent. Not only had they missed their shot, but they had also now just given them the cover they needed to get away.  
But get away to where, exactly? Porterstone had said that his team was coming. They were able to send out a signal to them using a backup long distance comm device in the shuttle. They never got a response though before they dumped it and the entire shuttle in a river a few miktreks back. Garn had hoped that would buy them a bit of time before they were tracked and found, but apparently it didn’t get them much. Still, he ran towards the ship docking area. The human now struggling in his arms had been so sure that his friends would come for him. Right now, he just had to hope they actually did come through.  
As he ran, he tried to keep behind pillars, dodging and ducking behind whatever cover he could while also trying his best to blend in with the rest of the surging crowd. Alarm lights were flashing and Garn could see armed security running in, though their progress was hampered by trying to go against the current of fleeing market goers. Garn’s large size was not helping as much as he would have hoped. Where normally he was the most frightening thing in a room and people gave him plenty of space, this time he was just another person in a crowd of people running for their lives. He was pushed and shoved, but thankfully his size kept him from being too jostled. He mostly just had to be sure he himself didn’t kill anyone or get Porterstone hurt as they fled.  
Another explosion to his left sent the crowd into another uproar. As Garn shielded himself and Porterstone from the flying debris, he stole a glance toward where he thought most likely the shot had come from. Sure enough he saw the assassin. He felt like all the blood in his body drained down to his feet. His eyes caught the flash of the large orbs of an assassin’s goggles. Not just any assassin either. No, he knew those feathers and the smug snout around and under those gold eyepieces. There was only one assassin that was cocky enough to wear gold goggles instead of the typical black or gray.  
“Garn, over there!” Without stopping his retreat, Garn tore his eyes away to where Porterstone was pointing. It was the older end of the space dock, usually where the smaller ships could land directly on the tarmac. Just now, an old Bert 3-Class Cruiser was preparing to land. Garn frowned. He hoped that Porterstone just had an affinity for old ships and was pointing it out, and not that that old relic was supposed to be their getaway.  
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. “That’s them, that’s my crew! They must have figured out what happened and were already on their way!”  
While trying to stay alive and out of shot, Garn was too busy to argue or scorn the ship. At this point, it was better than sticking around here. He altered his course slightly to head toward the landing ship, using his bulk to push and shove his way through the crowd. Thankfully, as they entered the docking bay, there was more room as the crowd spread and hid. However, that did leave him more out in the open for a stretch of space before they would actually make it to the ship.  
An explosion near his feet sent Garn flying through the air. Porterstone went sprawling on the floor with a loud thud. They both rolled for several lengths before finally coming to a stop. Garn groaned and immediately began assessing the damage. He moved his feet and bent his knees. Good. He tried pushing himself up, but struggled to just manage to roll himself over enough to look up.  
On the other side of the bay where they had come from strode the assassin. Her padded feet moved gracefully and slow on the hard floors, unheard even without the renewed yells and screams of other travelers and port patrons. Taloned hands gripped her signature Aruptet Cannon loosely, as if she wasn’t in the middle of trying to kill someone. Her approach seemed to be in slow motion even though she managed to cross the bay in what felt like only a few steps.  
“Tsk, tsk Barn, or Garn, or whatever. You sure seem to have made a mess of the place,” her voice was easy and calm, but it still sent shivers. Just like it did every time he’d heard it before.  
“Maika,” he growled as he pushed himself up. It took longer than he would have thought it should to get back up to his feet, but surprisingly, she let him. “They sent you out after little ol’ me, huh?”  
“Oh, don’t flatter yourself,” her jaws clacked slightly as she laughed, “it’s been slow lately and I’ve been bored. That, and you stole a very important human from the Trinn-Harrup Syndicate.” She shook her head, the reflections in her goggles were almost mesmerizing to watch move. “I hope it was worth it. He’s going back with me, and, well, you’re going to die here.”  
“You really think so? You’ve already tried shooting me, what? Three times? I thought you were supposed to be the best money could buy?”  
Maika took a few leisurely steps to the side, either to attack from the side or to get around Garn and better get at the human. Garn took a crouching position, ready to counter any next move.  
“Oh, don’t you worry your velvety little head, I am the best. You should be honored.” Without taking her eyes off him, she tilted her head back towards the chaos in the background. “But what’s the good of being the best if you can’t have a little fun and chaos every now and then, hm? What’s the point of power if you can’t remind others why you’re the one who has it?”  
“I don’t think that’s it,” Garn growled. There were a lot of reasons he didn’t like the Syndicate’s favorite assassin. He liked her even less now that he was on the other side of a job. “I think you missed the first shot and have been missing the others to cover your mistake. It’s just a show. I guess the whispers were true. You’re getting old, starting to lose your touch.”  
Maika glared at him and aimed her cannon directly at his chest. Before she could fire, a chunk of purple crystal flew through the air from behind Garn and hit Maika at the base of her neck. Where had that come from? Garn shot a look behind him. Had Porterstone thrown that?!? He could do that?!?  
With a pained grunt, Maika staggered back and her shot went wild. An explosion rocked the ceiling and made the lights across the bay flicker. Garn lept at her and tore the gun from her hands and spun her around quickly and let go. She flew several lengths and hit the ground hard.   
“Garn, lookout!” Porterstone yelled from behind. Garn looked. Security had finally showed up, and lucky him, he was now the one holding a very big, very dangerous-looking weapon. Great. He paused for only a moment. He had never liked hurting people, especially those who weren’t part of the immediate job or mission, but there was no way he was going to get stopped by security now. He might as well walk back to the Syndicate Headquarters himself, because that’s where he’d end up. With only the smallest pause to decide, he aimed and fired. The explosion went off only half a length in front of the approaching guards. It knocked a few in the front to their feet. A few directly behind tripped over them. That would slow them down.  
The ship had completely landed and the boarding ramps were deploying. Garn turned and ran behind Porterstone towards it. They were almost there when Porterstone yelled out in pain and dropped to the ground. Garn had to jump over him to avoid running him over and skidded to a stop. His friend was curled up on the floor, clutching at his bleeding leg, a small throwing knife embedded in the flesh below the knee.  
“Enough of this,” Maika sneered as she rose back up to her feet and hobbled toward them. “You’re not going anywhere unless I or the Trinn-Harrups say you can. And you,” she looked to Garn and pulled out another knife, “I only wish I had more time to kill you slowly, you filthy traito-”  
Before she could finish her sentence, orange blaster fire shot at her from behind Garn and sent her yet again to the ground. This time, it looked like she’d stay down.  
A short, four-armed robot- a Kloxan by the look of it- ran to Porterstone, sliding down onto his knees as they assessed the damage. They must have come from the ship. As Garn turned to look at the open door, he found himself looking down the barrel of the blaster that must have just been used on Maika. The human holding it had darker skin than Porterstone, and even fiercer eyes. Garn froze.  
“Kaya,” Porterstone called out with clenched teeth. Garn didn’t dare turn his head around to look at him, but tried to see how his friend was from his peripheral. “Good timing getting here. Argh!” The Kloxan helping him had pulled at the knife, but must have thought better of taking it out just yet.” Garn clenched his fists. First Nebbilin toxin earlier, now he’d been stabbed in the leg! He was starting to wonder just how much damage his new human friend could take in one solar cycle! He hoped humans were as tough and hardy as their reputation claimed they were.  
“Kaya,” the robot called out, “I need help getting him aboard!”  
Kaya looked between them and Garn, obviously not wanting to put down the weapon with him so close by.  
“It’s okay,” Porterstone wheezed. “That’s Garn. He’s with me, he’s good.”  
There was only a momentary pause before Kaya nodded, holstered the weapon and ran to help Porterstone and the Kloxan. Hoping to help show the newcomers that he was indeed “good,” he offered to help carry him aboard. Well, actually to carry him aboard, he didn’t exactly need help.  
The moment the ship’s doors closed behind them, the ship took off. Garn faltered only slightly at the sudden movement. The ship itself was surprisingly roomy despite its age and build. Someone had done some serious remodeling to it.  
“Set him down over here,” the Kloxan pointed towards a bench. Just then the ship jolted. The Kloxan was able to secure himself with its extra arms against the wall and Garn’s side.  
Kaya grunted as the ship continued to weave and shudder. “Now’s not the time for Embry to be practicing her getaway flying. Tig, trade spots with her and tell her to bring her first aid kit,” the human Kaya let go of the counter she’d been holding on to. “Take the wheel and get us out of here.”  
The Kloxan nodded and hustled off. Garn set Porterstone down on the bench and although he tried to be careful, he could see the human flinch a bit.  
“Sorry,” Garn muttered softly. Well, as softly as he could. Dantums weren’t exactly known for being soft-spoken and quiet.  
Kaya must have obviously heard it and made a short but loud exhaling noise. “Don’t apologize to him, I’m sure the events that led to whatever the heck was going on back there was all his fault.” She circled around to get a good look at both of them. “Speaking of which, Porter, as soon as Embry gets in here and gets you patched up, you’re going to tell me where exactly the hell you’ve been for the past week and a half.”


	23. Plants With Teeth

"Welcome to the Junto Space Port," the security repeated the same old procedure with each new wave of visitors passing through. "All incoming travelers must check-in through customs before continuing. Please make sure proper identification is ready to be presented."  
Kartch followed the flow of travelers without much thought. She'd done this route so often with her business ventures, she almost had the number of steps from the terminal to each of the check-in spots memorized. Her eyes glazed once again over the sea of fellow travelers. There was an exceptionally large variety of species on this trip. That wasn’t too odd. It was a popular time to travel to Junto. The weather was exceptionally pleasant this time of the year, celebrations and festivals were going on nearly in every street and township in the region, the harvest of several important crops was just about wrapped up, and business and inter-solar trade were booming. Kartch wondered just how many of her fellow ex-passengers were here on vacation and how many like her were here to work.  
A heavy something from behind smacked into her short tail. It didn’t hurt really, but it was enough to throw her off balance. With a surprised squeak, she dropped her luggage and reached with all four arms instinctively to try to grab something, anything, to stop her fall. Before she hit the floor, strong hands grabbed her and carefully helped her back up.  
“Woah there, I gotcha, I gotcha,” a voice she could tell was being translated by her chip filled her ears. “Sam, you gotta be more careful, you nearly took them out!” Kartch looked up into the face of the alien that had saved her, who in turn looked down at them with a concerned expression on their light brown face. “I’m sorry about that. Are you okay?”  
It was a human. Kartch stared for half a glip before catching herself. She’d of course seen plenty of humans before but hadn’t ever dealt with them directly or this closely. Now one was basically holding her.  
“Sorry Mirela,” another voice piped up from behind. Kartch looked, it was another human carrying what looked like must be a large, hard plastic case that must have been what hit her earlier.  
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” the human holding Kartch helped her back up to her feet and picked up the dropped luggage.  
“I’m sorry,” the reprimanded human dipped their head. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and shouldn’t have been messing around with the boxes like that.”  
Kartch made a gesture as if she was brushing herself off. “I accept your apology. I’m not hurt and all is well.”  
Mirela frowned at the other human as she stood back up to her full height.“You shouldn’t have been messing around with them at all. Those are merchandise, not toys.”  
Mirela leaned over to pick up another two boxes that appeared to be identical to the ones her companion was carrying.  
Never one to be rude enough to ask aloud, Kartch wondered what the humans were carrying and what they planned to sell. Instead, she asked, "Those look heavy. Wouldn't you prefer a wagon to carry them?"  
The human Mirela smiled. "We're fine. We’ve got someone getting one for the rest of what we've got. And well, these things are lighter than they look. They're just a bit bulky to carry. Thank you for your concern though." Then as if knowing the question Kartch had on her mind. "We've got a few little plants we're taking to the street market in the north Jupo District."  
“Plants?!” Kartch started and gave the pair of humans with a bit of alarm. “To sell? From Earth? I hope you don’t have much trouble getting through customs.”  
“Yeah, no we made sure we followed all the requirements. No pollens, nothing bearing easily spread seeds, nothing poisonous, etc.” As Mirela spoke, another human approached, pushing a wagon laden with more of the large boxes. Mirela glanced over at the new arrival before turning back to Kartch with a soft smile. “We did our research, don’t you worry.”  
“Mirela,” the new human stopped the wagon to look between their companion and Kartch. “Uh, they got the plants up here in good time alright. Um. Are we… what’s going on?”  
Kartch cleared her throat. “Ah, well. I won’t keep you. May the stars grant you luck.”  
With a smile and a wave, a common farewell among humans, Mirela and the other were off. As Kartch continued on her way, she couldn’t help but steal another look at them. Humans, she thought. Huh. Well, go figure they’d want to visit Junto. Compared to their home planet, or at least what she’d heard of it, Junto must seem to be a paradise of safety and splendor.  
The customs lines were long and weren’t moving as fast as she’d like. It took forever to wind through the twists and turns of the queue. She kept looking at her timepiece, growling quietly each time she did so. She wished they’d open more customs booths, that would help ever so much with getting everyone through more efficiently. Or that they do something at least, this was taking more time than she'd planned.  
After what seemed like partecs, she reached the front of the line. She hefted her luggage onto the inspection counter with a huff that was a mix of exasperation from her wait and relief that it was over. The security personnel began with the regular questions and asked for identification. As she pulled it out and handed it over, she saw the humans she had run into earlier arrive at the front of the line just next to her. She heard them being called up and watched only for a moortik as they placed a few of their boxes on the counter before she returned her attention to her own business. It was not polite to stare after all, and she just needed to make sure she got through here without any more further delays.  
The security personnel behind the counter was just finishing up with their inspection of her luggage and wrapping things up when a surprised screech nearly made everyone jump. Kartch turned her head, looking for the source of such alarm. Surely someone was hurt? Or in danger? What was it?  
“What are those things?!” Kartch found the source of the alarming sound. It was the security personnel at the counter with the humans. Said personnel was now looking slightly orange in the face and was staring into the now opened boxes the humans were transporting.  
Kartch, as well as everyone else nearby, leaned in to try to get a better look at what all the commotion was about. The human Mirela sighed and pulled the box open a bit more and pulled out one of the specimens. It was a flexible clear cylinder with a small green plant inside. Kartch could see the plant had large oval-shaped leaves or petals at the end that had a bit of red coloring with small thin stems pointing out and slightly up from the petals. So those were the plants the humans were going to sell? Well, they looked harmless enough, cute even. What had gotten into the security-?  
“Are those teeth?!?” the customs worker nearly squeaked out the words. Everyone who had been looking on froze. What?  
“They’re venus flytraps,” Mirela explained calmly. “They’re a carnivorous plant from Earth.” She pulled out an important-looking paper and handed it across the table. “We have a permit to sell them and a signed acknowledgment from the Inter-System Trade Commission of their safety and potential as a useful house-plant, as well as permissions to sell and trade them within the Junto system.  
The customs personnel didn’t look like he’d quite overcome his shock just yet. “Carnivorous… plant?” he repeated back.  
Kartch agreed with his confusion. Those two words didn’t sound like they belonged together in the same sentence. That little plant in the human’s hand didn’t look like it deserved such a bizarre description.  
Her own customs personnel, finally breaking his stare at the proceedings of the booth next to his own, finally shut Kartch’s luggage, stamped its carding, and slid it back to her with a silent nod before returning attention back to the drama next to him.  
Kartch pulled her luggage off the counter and slowly stepped toward the exit, her eyes still locked on the strange plant in question. It didn’t seem that strange-looking to her to cause such a ruckus. But then she saw it. Or rather, she got a better look at it. The stems she thought she saw curving delicately away from the petals were actually teeth. Oh. Those were teeth. That plant had teeth. Plant teeth. Those petals were some sort of plant mouth?!  
The customs personnel numbly took the paper the human Mirela handed and scanned over it, looking perhaps a bit too dumbstruck to really comprehend what was actually written. Mirela continued to explain what the plant was and did. How it could survive in even the poorest soil, how it could trap and digest small insects and pests for nourishment, and how the Inter-System Trade Commission as well as several committees and interplanetary environmental groups had studied and approved it, and were even pushing for it’s use in helping to combat a dangerous pest infestation problem on the third moon of Biurbitak.  
Kartch could stop and wait forever to hear more, the next person in line behind her slowly shuffled up to the counter. And anyway, she did have places to be. Blinking and shaking her head, she tore her eyes away from the strange plant held by the strange alien. As she finally walked out of the exit, she felt her fur prickle across her body.  
Carnivorous plants. Those are apparently a thing. She took a deep breath and let it out. What kind of planet must Earth be that it’s so dangerous, even the plants have teeth?


	24. Speckled

“Mabruk, have you seen the new human yet?”  
The silvery tools clinked delicately on the tray as they were put down. The slumped figure that had been holding them straightened up from their work and sighed. “Which human? The new ones from half a partec ago, or the new new one from last solar cycle?”  
“The newest one!” The speaker, an easily over-excited booka sprang excitedly into the room, eager to share the latest news that had been spreading across the ship. His bushy fur had a strange effect of both muffling his footsteps and creating a rippling ‘whooshing’ noise as he moved. “They were supposed to arrive with Human Marius, but they apparently got held up with some last-minute medical testing. They got here about ninety moortiks ago, you need to come see!”  
Mabruk brushed back a flowering sprig from their face and stood slowly to carry their tray from the table they were working at and moved it next to the washbasin. They turned on the mixture of cleaning solution and water and began washing their hands, scrubbing at the speckled, woody skin. They took a moment to admire the light and dark patterns made by their bark. Mabruk didn’t consider themself to be overly vain, but, well… when you’re this pretty, it’s kind of hard.  
The cleaning solution felt nice, but they focused on making sure they didn’t absorb any. It wouldn’t have been that bad if they had, but still, it wasn’t pure water and absorbing too many chemicals was bad for the bark. Satisfied that they were clean, they turned to grab the tray to wash it as well, but the booka had jumped up on the counter and had shut off the faucet.  
“Sarni, what are you doing? I’m not done.”  
The Booka stepped towards them and pushed them toward the door. “No time, you can finish washing up later. You neeeeeeeed to see the new human!”  
Mabruk took a step to the side and away from the counter, causing Sarni to lose his balance and fall back to the floor. Mabruk might have felt bad about that, but the Booka had no problem landing on his feet, leaving Mabruk to return to cleaning up.  
“We’re on a ship set for a two partec exploratory mission. There’ll be plenty of time to meet the newest human. This tray on the other branch,” they held it up and twisted it for emphasis, “Needs to be taken care of now before the old clay samples dry up.”  
Mabruk’s movements were slow, or well, they may have felt slow to Sarni, but for a dappled toanaktree, they moved at quite a reasonable speed.  
Finally finished, Mabruk set the tray onto the drying rack.  
“Yes! Let’s go, let’s go!” Sarni all but bounced impatiently.  
Mabruk sighed. They’d have to go along eventually, Sarni was never one to give up on things like this, but it was always just a little bit funny to see how worked up they could get him by being “slow”, though Mabruk would never admit that that’s what they were doing.  
Instead of turning to the door, they stepped toward their food storage box.  
“Mabruk!” Sarni whined, fur ruffling and turning two shades darker.  
Mabruk smiled coyly as they pulled out a nutrition orb and squeezed it, allowing the nutrient-rich juices to seep down their arm. It didn’t even get to their elbow joint before it was completely absorbed. Stars. They were more dehydrated than they thought. They rubbed at their arm, tracing the lighter brown stripes and speckles that patterned their bark. It must have been longer since their last break than they thought.  
With that done, there were no more reasonable excuses to delay. After a bit of insistent tugging from Sarni, they were off down the main corridor.  
Mabruk’s mind wandered as they watched their booka companion nearly bouncing off the corridors. What’s so important about the newest human anyway. They’d met plenty of humans in the past few standard solar cycles. They seemed to Mabruk to be a friendly enough species. Strong, sturdy, very handy to have around. They had a lot of strange quirks about them, granted. New ones of which were being discovered and recorded every quarter. But there was no denying that they as a race had become nearly essential components of every crew in the Galactic Confederation. Still, Mabruk thought as they tucked a few stray vines back from their face, it wasn’t nearly as big a deal as it used to be to get a new human on the crew. As it was, they already had had seven. Three of which were still stationed here, not including this newest human.  
They turned the corner and Sarni paused and looked around.  
“What is it,” Mabruk asked after a moment.  
The booka’s tail twitched. “Uh, hold on. I thought they’d still be here.”  
“Where, here in the middle of the hall?”  
“Well, everyone was talking to them here earlier. They must have moved on.”  
“Evidently.”  
Sarni’s tail flicked and a few faux flames rolled off the tip. “Well, we probably would have made it if you hadn’t been so slow, you overgrown scratching post.”  
Mabruk chuckled. “I’m not slow, I had work to do.”  
“You were being slow on purpose. You always do that.”  
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mabruk smiled, but seeing Sarni’s fur darken to a deep orange, they headed for the adjacent hall. “Come on, I’m sure they’ve probably moved on to the cafeteria.”  
As it turned out, that’s exactly where they had gone. Mabruk and Sarni approached a small group at a table. They could see Human Fatima standing near the middle. She’d been on the crew the longest out of all the humans as head security officer. Mabruk, as well as everyone on the crew had a deep respect for her. She’d saved everyone’s life at least two times since she’d been stationed here. Of course she’d be here to help make the new recruit feel welcome and make introductions.  
“Mabruk, you’re here!” Fatima looked over and her face broke into a dazzling smile the way only humans can do. “Did Sarni find you after all? Where is he?”  
As if to answer, Sarni jumped up on the table with a smug smile on his face. “I did,” he stated proudly as if this was some grand feat he had achieved.  
Mabruk shook their head gently as they approached. Krend, a grib who was part of the engineering team shuffled aside to make room.  
“Human Elise,” Sarni started before Fatima began introductions, “this is who I was talking about earlier. This is Toanaktree Mabruk. Mabruk, this is Elise. Look, she looks like you!”  
Mabruk thought he saw Fatima frown, but quickly forgot when they were able to actually get a better look at the new human named Elise.  
They were stunned.  
Sarni was right.  
They did look alike.  
Well, apart from the fact that she was a human, not a toanaktree. But her skin- they knew humans came in a range of shades and tones, but they’d only ever seen, only ever heard of humans coming in solid colors. They didn’t know humans came in spots!  
Which is exactly what Sarni exclaimed immediately after.  
“Sarni, that’s… uh, you can’t just… that’s not…” Fatima stammered and looked apologetically between Elise and Mabruk.  
The new human smiled shyly and nodded. “That’s alright. I, uh, not all humans do, well,” she glanced briefly at Fatima and back again, “well, obviously not. It’s not super common. I do because I have… it’s called vitiligo. It’s where some of the cells in my skin that produce melanin don’t work. That’s why I was late. The Medical Administration Board wanted to run a few extra tests and double-check that I was going to be okay. They didn’t know about it before.” She took a small breath and shrugged. “I am. Okay that is. It’s not life-threatening and it’s not contagious, it’s just how I am.”  
Mabruk continued staring. Elise looked down and stroked her hand.  
“I… back on Earth I would sometimes wear makeup to cover up, especially on my hands or face, but…” she looked up suddenly, her shoulders back and a soft smile on her face. “I decided not to anymore. I’m in space, for crying out loud. This is who I am. This is how I look.”  
“You’re beautiful!” Mabruk blurted out. Everyone looked at them and so they continued. “You are. On my planet, many toanaktree and nidabu grow bark with one color, or two but it usually only manifests as a gradient up into the new growth,” Mabruk motioned to their own younger branches and sprigs, “but there are some, like me, I’m what’s known as a dappled toanaktree, I mean, there are others and different varieties with many different patterns and colorations, but among my people, they are considered extremely handsome.” Mabruk ignored Sarni who sniggered something about vanity under his breath. “I have never seen a human with such coloration before, but… well, you’re absolutely beautiful!”  
The smile Elise gave could have melted the ice caps of Kiribi. “Thank you. Your name is Mabruk, right? You look great too.”  
Mabruk smiled. So did Sarni, but his grin was near-on giddy.


	25. Snakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from Firefly91. Hope this was along the lines of what you had in mind :D

Captain Barr had allowed for the new humans coming aboard the ship to bring a “pet”. Granted, not just any pet, there were rules. Safety was a main concern of course. Not only of the animal itself, but of the crew. It had to be low maintenance, they were on a ship afterall, and it had to be low to no allergen for any crew member. That took out most of Earth’s native fauna of course. By the stars, that planet churns out dangerous creatures like they (as the Earth phrase went) were going out of style.  
Human Tildy had been on the crew for a little over four partecs now, and Senta hadn’t seen the pet she had brought along. Some part of her had suspected that perhaps Tildy just hadn’t brought a pet at all. Not all the humans did, preferring to not have to worry about the duties a pet would entail while aboard.  
Oh wow, was she was wrong.  
After Senta had asked Tildy about having a pet, the human had been very enthusiastic about showing her. She followed her to her habitation suite and waited outside while her human companion retrieved the pet in question. Tildy backed out of her room so as to block Senta’s view of the creature until she could turn around with an excited, “Tada!”  
Senta reared back, surprised. What the heck was that?  
“Is that a tiny stransi!?” Sentra gave a confused hiss. The creature coiling itself around the human’s arm looked just like her, but, well... small. Very small. And without the well-defined ridges along the back.  
“I know right! He looks just like you! This is my corn snake, Honey.” The tiny stransi-like creature started exploring the open air and Tildy transferred a bit of it to her other hand to help support it and beamed up at her snake-like crewmate.  
“Honey?” Sentra, who was a full-sized stransi, repeated absent-mindedly. She coiled her tail anxiously, never taking her eyes off the smaller version of herself. After a moment, she blinked as she registered what the human had just said.  
“Honey? Isn’t that a kind of food from Earth?” She looked down at the small creature. “You’re not planning on eating it, are you?” Oh frozen sands of Skez, that would be so wrong in so many ways!  
Tildy laughed. “Oh no! Wow, no! I named him honey, well, one, because he’s so sweet,” she stroked the creature softly, “and two, because I like to eat cornbread with honey. Cornbread, corn snake. I thought it was funny when I got him.” She continued stroking the yellow and orange-ish brown scales of Honey’s back for a moment before frowning. “I- this is probably weird for you, right? It’s probably like I have a baby stransi, right?”  
Senta snapped out of her daze and shook her head. “No, ah, no. Hatchlings look very different from adult stransi.”  
“Oh, so it’s just like a tiny adult form then?”  
Senta nodded.  
“Ah. Yeah,” and she turned to return her pet into the enclosure sitting on the desk in her habitation suite. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how weird this would be.” She turned back around and stepped back out into the corridor. “I should have thought that through. I mean, if someone had a pet that looked like a tiny human, I’d probably freak out.” She gave Senta an apologetic smile. “Although, it is interesting, isn’t it? I mean, convergent evolution is weird. Like, two separate planets produce life that are so similar, but have nothing to do with each other.”  
“And that… corn snake… it isn’t sentient, right?”  
“No. Definitely not. What’s more, Honey is about as dumb as a bag of rocks sometimes. But he’s a cutie. I’ve had him since he was just a little guy. About three years now.”  
Senta nodded slowly. The corn snake creature definitely wasn’t stransi. After having gotten a better look at it, it was very clear. The similarities however, were still unnerving even now that he was back in Tildy’s room. They were like… a less sophisticated version of themselves. Simpler. And well, smaller, obviously. The colors of his scales had been a little more vibrant than her own, and a lot smoother. It was unnerving to say the least and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it just yet.  
Tildy took a step down the hall. “You’re not on duty for a while, yeah?” She motioned with her hand for Senta to follow. “I’m starving! Let’s go get some grub.” With a smile, she was off down the hall.  
Senta slithered after Tildy to the cafeteria, a bit lost in thought. She knew Earth boasted an insanely large amount and variety of life. She just never imagined there’d be so many similarities. Certainly not on this scale. Perhaps she should do a little more digging into native Earth fauna. As they passed crewmates, she couldn’t help but notice the different body plans there were on the ship. How many species in the Galactic Confederation, or maybe even in the entire galactic community, had an Earth creature doppelganger?  
Knowing Earth and how weird that place is, who could really say?


	26. I Speak Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> requested by @nargles-everywhere on tumblr, continuing off an idea from @adventures-of-humans-in-space

The first week aboard with a new crew is the hardest. That’s what Nelly had heard over and over while she was going through processing and a few more times during transit to Galactic Confederation Base 4MG6. Supposedly, this was because after going through medical testing, USE and GC processing, and transit, many humans would begin to report feelings of homesickness. After a full week aboard at their station, these feelings often compounded.  
It didn’t happen to everyone, but Nelly discovered that it was, unfortunately, true for her.  
She’d always wanted to go to space. She’d been in second grade when alien contact had been made and she decided she would do whatever it took to get on a ship among the stars. And now? Here she was, walking back to her habsuite after another day of work aboard one of the largest and most historic Galactic Confederation outposts. Granted, it was work loading and unloading shipments and supplies in one of its many warehouses, but it was a warehouse in space!  
The moment she got in her room and shut the door, she flopped down onto her bed. Peanut Butter, her cat who she had gotten clearance to bring with her, meowed in what could have been a protest at the disturbance, or a welcome home. Nelly liked to think it was the latter. Peanut Butter got up off the end of the bed where he liked to sleep, stretched, and walked up onto Nelly’s stomach, kneading a spot before settling down on her within easy reach of being petted and scratched.  
Nelly obliged the cat and was soon timing each stroke with a deep breath. Her arms were sore. Her legs were sore. Her back was sore. Everything was sore. She felt her nose prickle and eyes start to leak. Going to space had been her dream, everything was so great, she should be happy. Why did she feel like this?  
The feelings passed though. Peanut Butter helped with that. Between his familiar weight, his deep reverberating purrs, and well, really just his presence helped steady her. He was her little piece of home.  
Just as she was really getting settled, there was a soft knock at the door. Aw dang, and Peanut Butter had just gotten settled too. She reluctantly got up and opened the door, all the while thinking that an automatic or voice-activated door opener should be a thing on a spaceship of all places.  
“Human Nelly! How was your shift today?!” Nelly looked down to see a fiery-furred booka standing upright on her back two legs and had to smile. Part of her quickly reflected on how amazing it was that she was actually aboard a spaceship/outpost/thing with real life aliens!  
“Hi Thira. My day was alright, bit sore now though. How about you?”  
“Me? I’m not sore at all. Though I don’t lift and move stuff all day like you do. May I come in?”  
“Oh, yeah, of course, make yourself at home.”  
Thira’s face spread into a wide smile and her fur brightened to a cheery yellow. “I love that earth-phrase, ‘make yourself at home,’ it’s so welcoming and open.” She bounded into the room and Nelly shut the door behind her. “I just wanted to check in on you, it’s been a few solar cycles, how have you been settling in?” Thira looked around and caught sight of Peanut Butter, who was now sitting quite annoyed at having his pamper time interrupted.   
“You have a pet!?” Thira gasped and jumped up to get a better look. Peanut Butter jumped back and fluffed up his fur angrily at the intrusion, ears flat against his skull.  
“Oh, sorry,” Thira crouched down and tucked her tail. She was almost three times his size, and of course, had fur that looked like it was on fire, but the similarities between them were astonishing to Nelly.  
“Ah, yeah, sorry,” Nelly scooped up her angry cat into her arms. “He’s usually really friendly with everyone. I think you may have startled him is all.”  
Peanut Butter made a low “Mrrrrrrrooooooowwwwrrroow,” sound and Thira nodded.  
“Yes, well I did say I was sorry. I just got excited to see you, and your human did say to make myself at home.”  
“Mrrooww mraaa rrrrrmmmmm.”  
“Well, I didn’t realize that was the custom. I’m not actually a cat, I’m from another planet.”  
“Mooowww?”  
“Yes! My name’s Thira, what’s yours?”  
Nelly set the wriggling cat in her arms back down on the bed. “His name’s Peanut Butter. I’ve had him since he was just a-...” She straightened back up and blinked. “Wait. Were you actually speaking to him?”  
“Yes I was.” Thira stood back up onto all four legs as Peanut Butter sniffed her. They butted heads and, seeming satisfied, Peanut Butter sat down next to Nelly’s pillows.  
“You can actually understand him? How? Does your translator do that? Why doesn’t mine let me talk to him?”  
“I wasn’t using my translator, or at least, I don’t think it was doing much. I just understand him.”  
Nelly couldn’t help but stare for a moment with her mouth open just a bit. She could talk, like actually talk to Peanut Butter? Cats weren’t sentient though, were they?  
“Wait, wait, wait, how can he understand you, you sounded like you were speaking normally… can… can he understand what I say?”  
Thira tilted her head, “You understood what I’m saying to him probably because of your translator. He doesn’t have one though, huh.” She paused to think. “I’ll ask him. Hey Peanut Butter, do you understand what Human Nelly says when she talks to you?”  
“Mmmm mmrow.”  
“He says not really, but he usually gets the general idea.”  
Nelly sniffed and tried not to cry. She was in space, and yet it was her simple little earth kitty that was going to make her cry. Her pet, her comfort, her little piece of home. Her little Peanut Butter.  
“Can… can you tell him that I love him?”  
Thari smiled softly and nodded. “Hey, your human wants you to know that she loves you.”  
“Mmmmrf.”  
Thari’s fur flickered to a deep and warm orange.  
“What, what did he say?”  
“He said he knows.”


	27. Musical Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by cyberstrikebeast on tumblr
> 
> Idea comes from [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTlTxFio6DY&feature=emb_logo)

“What? Are you blind? That thing’s obviously not going to fit!”

First Lieutenant Barkly stepped into the mechanic bay to see what all the fuss was about. Inside, he saw three humans from his ship, Idris and Tina huddled near the ship’s afterburners with Annika sitting on a ledge formed by a groove in the ship’s exterior. She was trying to lower a metal sheet down to the other two on the ground.

“I measured it four times, it’ll fit, just take it!” Human Tina pushed it back up to her.

As Barkly came around the corner, Human Idris noticed him. “Hey, Lieutenant! How are you today?”

Barkly looked between Tina and Annika who were still fighting over the metal sheet. “I am well. I heard a commotion and came to check on the ship. What’s going on?”

Human Idris gave a strange half-smile and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry about disturbing you. We’re just working on a new project. We’ve cleared it with Captain Ocrin,” he added hastily when he saw Barkly about to ask. “It’s something we came up with a while ago and it shouldn’t take too long. Just some modifications to the ship’s afterburners is all.”

“Ah yes,” Barkly nodded. “May I ask what sort of… modifications you’re doing?” Even if they had gotten permission from the captain, he still felt obliged as the ship’s First Lieutenant to make sure he knew what was going on with the ship and what, if anything was going to affect its flight.

“Of course, it’s simple, we’re just adding a little device of our creation that will catch atmospheric currents and either amplify or dampen them depending on speed and position.”

“Oh. I see,” Barkly tried to not act surprised. And here he thought the humans were just goofing off. “I suppose that could be helpful with stealth. Granted, that would only really apply when we’re in some sort of atmosphere and not in the vacuum of space. But anyway, I do agree that any amount of stealth on the battlefield could prove useful.” It was good to see the humans taking such initiative. That’s why they were on board after all.

Human Annika snorted. “Stealth? This ship’s supposed to be stealthy?” Human Tina shot an elastic at her head, followed by a look of disapproval. “What? This is a class 3 battlecruiser. Even way back when she was new, she wasn’t built to be graceful or sleek.” She patted the thick and well-aged plating beneath her. “She’s good at takin’ lots of hits and hittin’ hard back. You want stealth, that’s why ya’ got the clippers or the bombers, or heck, even some of the smaller cruisers they’re coming out with lately.

Barkly frowned. “Then what is the purpose of the modifications?”

“Don’t worry Lieutenant,” Human Idris flashed a toothy smile that made Barkly’s scales prickle ever so slightly, “It’s like you said, we probably won’t really have need of it, but it could come in handy. We’ll have these old burners fixed and back up in running condition in no time.”  
Barkly really didn’t like the strange emphasis Idris had put on the word “fixed,” but after 21 standard solar orbits of working around humans, he’d learned to pick his battles. Just as long as the burners were operational after the humans “fixed” them, then it may just be better that they were currently too busy to create havoc. And furthermore, if the captain had okayed it...

“Very well,” Barkly sighed in the most dignified manner he could. “We’re being called out to the Nebili Cloud in two solar cycles. Have it running by then.”

“Absolutely sir,” Tina responded and all the humans saluted. “This thing will never have run better after we’re through with it!”

As Barkly walked away, he couldn’t help but overhear Annika question her companions. “So we’ll be able to hear it, but with being at Nebili, will others…”

“Maybe. Especially if we actually enter the cloud. Then sound will have a medium to travel through, so it’s possible.”

Barkly didn’t hear anything else over the excited noises the humans started making before they were drowned out by the noise of their work again. Oh by the stars. He’d have to check in with the captain and make sure that everything with the ship would be up to Galactic Safety Protocol before they left. One can never really be too sure when humans started tinkering. Twenty-one standard solar orbits around humans, and he still sometimes got a bit apprehensive when the Earthlings got a new, “innovative” idea of how things should go. Sure, they had pushed technology in leaps and bounds since they had joined the Galactic Confederation, but sometimes their new inventions or alterations just didn’t make sense. Sometimes the reason humans did or made things was to make things more “cool,” whatever that meant. The translation seemed to change on the regular but never seemed to have anything to do with temperature.

Eventually, the alterations to the ship was wrapped up, supplies were restocked, tanks were replenished, and the crew was rested and ready to depart.

It took six solar cycles in warp speed to reach the Nebili Cloud, and it wasn’t a cycle too soon. Their and their convoy were a welcome relief to the Galactic Confederation ships already deep in the fight. Laser fire lit up and reflected off the swirling gasses of the Nebili Cloud, which was almost as disconcerting as the ghostly, ragged bits of metal and material blasted off of ships that seemed to move with a peaceful calm that clashed with the waging war around them. Captain Ocrin, a large red kabrir, wasted no time in instructing Barkly to take them in to fend off a nearby Iru Coalition flagship. He tensed. That thing was huge! Shields were pulled up as the enemy warship’s attention turned from its prey to the newly arrived ESS Nartim.

“Take us in close and hit hard. Distract them long enough to give our friends some room to get to safety!” The captain yelled out and was immediately obeyed. A communication relay was sent to the ship, the ESS Miaray for them to flee while the Nartim distracted the Iru ship.

As the injured ship sputtered out of the way, the Nartim sent a barrage of blasts into the hull of the enemy warship. Some managed to slip past their shields’ defenses and tore into the ship itself. There were cheers across the bridge, but as the debris cleared a bit, it became more clear that the damage was more superficial than structural. Their enemy would take no time at all to retaliate.

“Lieutenant,” The captain’s voice called out, “Lead them deeper into the cloud.”

“Sir, visibility will be severely reduced. We get too deep, we won’t even be able to see anyone well enough with instruments. We could hit-”

“Take us in!” The captain yelled as the Iru Ship began raining down blaster fire, far too many of which made it through the shields.

Without another word, Barkly did as commanded, putting the ship’s blasters on full forward. Vaguely he could hear the captain mutter, “Great Rapp-ahn beyond, this better work.”

Visibility declined rapidly, the light coming through the front ports darkened until the bridge was lit only with the yellow lighting of panels and instruments and the dark muted pink that managed to refract through the gas outside. Sensors picked up movement outside, but the readings were messy and interference through the cloud was too high to get much to make sense.

“Hold engines,” Captain Ocrin didn’t even have to raise his voice. The entire bridge was quiet as if any sound would alert their enemy to their whereabouts. Faint orange glows through the pinkish purplish gas meant that the Iru were firing blindly, trying to hit a target they couldn’t see. Surely they couldn’t miss forever though.

Barkly’s scales prickled and ached. Why were they hiding like this? What was the captain thinking? He looked back desperately at Captain Ocrin. He had served under him for nearly ten standard solar cycles. He trusted him and trusted the hard expression on the red fur-covered face enough to keep calm now, despite everything. The captain noticed him looking and locked eyes with him and nodded.

“Lieutenant Barkly, turn this ship 140 degrees yaw, and -20 pitch.”

Barkly commanded immediately, but couldn’t help but frown. They were basically turning around. They couldn’t tell exactly where the Iru ship was, but they were now turned to face their general direction.

The captain continued, “Take us straight ahead, steady. Human Idris, once we reach speed, you may activate Project Seven Nation.”

Barkly obeyed. Human Idris? Said human was sitting next to his station. Whatever the humans were up to earlier, he silently hoped this project would be enough to save all of them now.

The faint orange glows from the Iru ship’s blasters grew steadily in brightness as they approached. They were getting closer to the ship. They were much more likely to be hit at this range. But still, the gas of the Nebili Cloud hid them.

Almost out of nowhere, a low and impossibly loud sound made everyone jump. It sounded again and then rose in pitch slightly, then dropped four times and held. Then it repeated. If Barkly didn’t know any better, he might say it was… it sounded kind of like…

“Is someone playing Seven Nation Army on the engines?!” Another human on the bridge, the ship’s navigation specialist, laughed.

“The afterburners, actually,” the captain corrected gruffly, never taking his eyes from the front port.

The orange glows stopped suddenly.

“Maintain speed and bring us around again.”

The ‘music’ as it were, continued to play. As Barkly brought the ship around, the notes started to echo through the pink swirling gases outside. The effect was downright haunting. After a few chords, it started to sound like there were more ships, all playing the same disconcerting melody. Barkly’s scales felt like they were crawling across his body, but he maintained speed and brought the ship around for yet another pass.

The enemy’s ship started firing again, giving Barkly an idea of their location. He made sure he could pass by close without being seen or hitting them. Their shots no longer seemed so unwavering. They looked almost like they were shooting everywhere, trying to hit as many surrounding foes as they could.

They were afraid, Barkly realized. Of course. The Iru were a highly superstitious race. They were fearsome, yes. Powerful, most definitely, but they were an older race among the stars, and they had collected countless stories through the eons about monsters that lived between the worlds, in the tails of massive comets, on the brink of black holes, in the asteroid fields, or even in the dark shadows of nebulas. Barkly had heard the stories, everyone had. Almost everyone just figured they were old star spinners to scare younglings. Well, almost everyone, if the frantic firing of the Iru was anything to go by. One of their shots got close but was deflected by the shields.

The music outside the ship, using the gas as a medium to travel through, was growing more deafening as it reverberated and echoed through the cloud.

The sensors, which had been showing a steady, albeit messy, readout were now showing movement of a different kind.

The Iru Flagship’s blasts were getting farther and farther away.

Barkly looked back. “Captain, do we follow?”

The captain’s mouth was open just slightly like he was slightly surprised that the plan had worked. He shook his head and his normal stern expression returned. “No. Maintain speed and direction for another two moortiks. Then follow. We’ll see what the damage is out there.”

After two moortiks, Barkly reduced the ship’s speed. The music from the ship’s afterburners groaned as if protesting being taken out of tune. With a nod from the captain, Human Idris disengaged the new additional equipment. The echoes from the music seemed to take forever to die and fade out. If Barkly didn’t know for sure that those sounds were from their own ship, he might have been very easily convinced that there was indeed some nightmarish behemoth singing itself to sleep in the shadowy gases outside.

It took a while after that for the ESS Nartim to reach the edges of the Nabari Cloud. As they emerged, Barkly could see tendrils of dense pink gas stream off the ship. The static and interference on the ship’s sensors cleared up. It took almost no time for the ship’s external comm lines to be hailed.

“ESS Bolshi to Nartim, status report.”

The captain straightened up and responded, giving readouts of damage, casualties, energy levels, etc. When finished, he paused and assessed the area outside the ship that had been a battlefield. “What happened? Where are the Iru ships?”

Hums and quiet voices break out across the bridge. Everyone is a bit confused and they wait for the response.

“We’re still trying to assess that now. So far from what we can gather, the Iru Flagship suddenly exited the cloud in a rush, jumped to warp speed and the rest followed soon after.”

Before the captain or anyone else could respond, someone started laughing. Barkly looked over to see Human Idris bent over his station and gasping for breath. Any words he tried saying in his state were not being translated correctly as he struggled to recompose himself. “I can’t believe that actually just happened,” he managed to get out between gasps.

“Captain Kabrir Ocrin,” the voice from the external comm came again, sounding a touch distressed, “Do… do you have any idea or insights as to what just happened? Are we in danger? I need to report this immediately.”

Captain Ocrin removed his head from his hands and shook his head. He looked at Human Idris who had finally managed to calm himself but was still grinning like a goorbi.

“Captain Ocrin?”

“Yes, yes, we’re fine. We’re all fine.” He lifted his head to look at the bridge’s ceiling and smiled a bit. “I believe the Iru left because they were scared off.”

“Scared off? I- Wha- Captain, just what do you think could have scared them off like that?!”

Captain Ocrin looked directly at Idris as he replied. “The humans on our ship had an idea.”

As the captain went on explaining Project Seven Nation, Barkly moved the ship closer to the rest of the fleet.

He could overhear Human Idris talk to who must have been Human Annika over a private comm. “Hey, it worked… they ran like little chickens… yeah yeah you’re a genius... Tina too, we all know… well you know when everyone else hears about this, you’re going to be too busy installing it on every other ship in the fleet… haha, yeah, well love ya too.”

The comm was ended and Idris leaned back in his seat. Barkly glanced at him and caught the human’s grinning attention.

“How, by all that is bright and steady, did you know that was even going to work? How did you even come up with the idea?”

Human Idris’ grin grew wider and he laughed quietly. “Honestly? Tina and Annika saw this old video of a cruise ship back on Earth that did it and we thought it’d be funny and took the project to the captain.”

“Cruise ship on Earth? Is that some sort of battlecruiser, or…?”

“No, like a cruise ship. People ride them for vacations and recreation and go to touristy locations and stuff.”

Barkly said nothing but turned his full attention to moving the ship to regroup with the fleet. Other ships looked pretty beat up. They all had been in quite a bind. He was very glad he hadn’t gotten in the way of the humans’ project when he had found them installing it earlier. He couldn’t help but wonder how many lives had been saved today because humans had been goofing off and had an idea one day?


	28. Allergies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by mytasteinmusic  
Thanks for the idea! Also, I learned a lot about allergies while researching for this. Good stuff!

The humans were throwing food. Why? Well, Kahpi sighed, it was anyone’s guess really. For whatever reason, they were making some sort of game out of it. One human would grab a small piece of food and toss it high up into the air and another human would attempt to catch it in their mouths and eat it.  
For the cleaning team’s sake, she was glad all the foods that were being thrown seemed to be fairly self-contained and held together well even after being thrown. The foods in question started out as colorful candies the humans had brought along with them from Earth. They had been searched and scanned for possible allergens and dangers they could pose to other races that would be on the ship. Kahpi, as head Food Safety Inspector, had overseen the process herself. Some human food could, after all, cause anything from slight to severe damage and trauma to digestive and respiratory tracts of different species that also worked on the ship. This meant that foods that were only safe for human consumption had to be stored and prepared separately from other food supplies, or if they were exceptionally dangerous, banned altogether.  
The colorful candies being thrown around now, for instance, were safe to be on the ship, but under the multi-colored exteriors was a concoction that contained theobromine and caffeine. The humans called it chocolate. They loved the stuff and used it in a wide array of foods. It was safe for them in modest amounts, and as long as they kept it to themselves, they were allowed to have it.  
Once the colorful candies were all consumed, and dropped pieces taken care of, the humans moved on to throwing other foods. Pretty much whatever they had in their meal: diced fruit, ripped bits of bread crusts, chunks of vegetables, etc.  
Kahpi kept her eyes on their antics as she also made her rounds in the ship’s cafeteria. As boisterous as they could be, their games were no reason for her to fall behind in her own duties. It was, as the saying goes, not her spilled bucket of eesaling to guard. If they wanted to goof off on their own time, that wasn’t her business. As long as it didn’t cause harm to anyone else. Usually by sharing their food with other races without clearance or supervision, they were fine.  
In any case, it seemed that their food throwing gag was starting to die down. They returned to eating their meals normally, laughing and joking around loudly with each other as was the norm. Kahpi was thankful that few of the crewmembers that regularly spent their time with the humans were not of races that could boast similar skill of great aim and power while throwing. That would help deter others to pick up the food-throwing in the future.  
Just as Kahpi was wrapping up and about to leave, she overheard a disturbance from the humans. They all started speaking or shouting at once.  
“Dude! What the- what’s happening to your face?”  
“Oh my gosh!"  
"What's going on? I think I’m going to throw up!”  
“Carlton, you’re breaking out!”  
Kahpi looked over to the humans were now starting to rise from their seats, onsets of panic starting to creep into their body language.  
“Are you allergic to something?"   
"I don't think so?"  
"What is it? What have you eaten?”  
“I don’t know, I’ve never had allergies before!”  
“Oh frewan, some of the m&ms had peanuts! Are you allergic to nuts?”  
“I don’t know! I used to eat peanut butter all the time as a kid!”  
“Could it be the nuts?”  
“I don’t know, I don’t know what else it could have been!”  
“Chris, you have allergies, right? What do we do?!”  
Alarmed by the humans’ reaction, Kahpi, as well as several others that were in the cafeteria, approached cautiously to see if any aid could be given. Whatever could spook a group of humans so badly must be dealt with quickly and conclusively. As she approached, one of the humans, Chris, ran off and disappeared down a nearby corridor.   
She paused. Was he fleeing? And if so, what from? Should she flee as well? The other humans weren’t running, at least not yet. Instead, they were gathering around Human Carlton, who, now that Kahpi had gotten closer and could see more clearly, did not look like he was well. His skin, usually the color of a richly tanned deygbah hide, looked splotchy and red. His eyes were unusually watery and swollen. In fact, everything about him was starting to look just a little bit swollen in parts.  
Kahpi’s second stomach dropped. Carlton was going to die!  
“Come on guys, back up a bit, give him some room!” Human Macy, the newest human to the crew, had everyone shuffle back so Carlton could lie down.  
Kahpi was just about to bolt down one of the corridors nearby that she knew would lead her to the med bay, in her panic forgetting that she had her comm device, when Chris returned from where he’d run off to, carrying a short cylindrical container tightly in his fist. Everyone parted in the small gathering crowd to let him in. He slid on his knees and stopped right next to Carlton who was now lying on his back. With a pull at the wider, blue-colored end, Chris plunged the device into his companion’s thigh. Kahpi could hear a small click and Chris held the device firmly in place for a few tiks.   
As he pulled the device away, Chris looked up and his eyes met with Kahpi’s. “Get a medic here now,” He said calmly but with an intensity that snapped Kaphi out of her trance.  
Within a few moortiks, Medics Jeebarul and Minti were loading Carlton onto a stretcher and taking him back to the med bay, Chris and Kahpi were allowed to follow.  
Later, after a discussion with the humans, medics, and the captain, Kahpi learned that it was indeed a food allergy that had caused this whole mess. The colorful candies that had been okayed for human consumption were to blame, particularly the ones that contained an Earth food called “peanuts.”  
Alarmed at the news, Kahpi pulled up the files she had access to on the humans. Compared to other species on the ship, and throughout the entire galaxy for that matter, humans had a relatively short list of known allergens. Of the humans on the ship, her records only stated that Humans Chris and Ricardo had allergies. Shellfish and animal dander, respectively. Worried that she had failed in her duty of food safety, she scanned Carlton’s files over and over.   
“I don’t understand,” her voice trembled slightly as the captain frowned at her, “There’s nothing here. No known allergens.”  
The captain’s fins pulled back tightly against his face. “Then what happened? What was all that?”  
Chris, who had returned from helping the medics get Carlton settled, responded, “We’re pretty sure it was the peanuts. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”  
“But my records-”  
“Say that he doesn’t have a peanut allergy, yeah,” Chris interrupted, “but that just means he hasn’t been tested for it. He’s had no need to. He didn’t know. He didn’t use to be allergic to peanuts, but now as an adult, he is. Somehow, he hasn’t eaten anything with peanuts or peanut oil or whatever for years, so unluckily, he had no idea he was allergic.” He paused. “Or maybe it was lucky? I mean, we had an epipen on hand and he’s okay now, and now he knows so… I guess it was kind of lucky?”  
“What do you mean he wasn’t allergic before?” Kahpi sputtered. “That doesn’t make sense! How is he allergic now?”  
Chris shrugged. “It happens sometimes. You can develop an allergy to something later in life that used to be okay. No one really knows why.”  
Both Kahpi and the captain stared at him for a moment. The captain was the first to regain composure.  
“Well, I suppose it was fortunate that the medics had a supply of these… ‘epi-pens’ stocked.” He hesitated a moment in thought and then nodded to the cylinder that was still in Chris’ hand. “I suppose we better request more of those, just in case. What exactly do they do?”  
Chris lifted the ‘epipen’ up for better observation. “It’s got a dose of epinephrine in it. It’s adrenaline, so it constricts blood vessels and speeds up the heart so blood pressure rises and it helps relax muscles in your airway so you can breathe again.”  
They both stared at him. After an uncomfortable silence, Chris added, “It’s not very fun. But it keeps you alive until doctors can help.”  
The captain had a few more questions, both for Chris and for the medics when they came back out. All the while, Kahpi had time to try to ponder on and digest all the new information and implications this would bring to her job.  
Allergens were a thing among many species, yes. That’s why she had the job she had. However, few, if any that she could think of right now, had allergies that were caused by foods FROM THEIR OWN PLANET OF ORIGIN! Not only that, but some allergens were safe to eat for one human, but not another?! Where is the reason for that? What evolutionary purpose could that possibly serve for a species? Or was it just some weird fluke, one of so so many, that humans just came with?  
She buried her face in her hands. Well, this whole thing was going to throw a bit more complications to her job now. Apparently even human food wasn’t always safe for humans. Go. Flargin’. Figure.


	29. Earth Report 0071 - Replacing Pancreas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompt idea for this story brought to you from Nugget7
> 
> Also, these "Earth Reports" are not in order (obviously) I just kind of write them and add numbers and reference others that I may or may not have even written yet

To wrap up Reports 0066-0070 on “camping,” I’d like to use this report to transition from said topic to ones of more medical natures. Starting with a disease that can ofttimes plague human organs called the pancreas.  
This all began, again, when Human Whitney invited me to go camping with her and her friends and family. After arriving and setting up camp (see Report 66 on the strange dwellings used for camping and my thoughts on them), a fire was started and meals that had been previously prepared and wrapped in aluminum foil were taken out and placed next to the fire and in the hot coals. They had even made one for me, which was very kind. It was a simple meal, the only alterations needed for my safety was the exclusion of the root vegetable known as onions. Whitney had even made a mark on the outside of my meal to indicate it was specifically for me.  
I noticed that Human Mary also had a mark on the exterior of her meal wrappings, and upon my asking, I was told it was because her meal didn’t include the same soup-sauce that was in the other meals and had fewer of the root vegetables called potatoes. I gave it no further thought at the moment, after all, humans preferred tastes vary greatly from individual to individual. (See Report 0014)  
However, after the meals were done cooking, I also noticed that Mary did not partake in any of the fizzy canned beverages. Again, I thought to pass this off as a personal preference until Human Ammon asked about it, inquiring if she wanted a different flavor they had available or if she wanted something non-caffeinated. (See Report about caffeine in Report 0028)  
The discussion around the campfire turned to a discussion of health and these sodas, especially after Mary stated that she usually doesn’t drink them, and when she does, they’re usually the “diet” varieties. After many other humans giving input to such beverage selections and health impacts, Mary explained that the reason behind her beverage selection was because she has “Type 1 diabetes.” That seemed to clear things up for many of the humans, who “ahh”-ed or nodded in understanding.   
Before the conversation could wander off, I questioned what this “diabetes” was and what having the first type of it meant. Human Mary took a small device out of her pocket that had a wire running up her shirt. She showed me that the wires actually went INSIDE her!  
Honestly, I’m surprised at how well I was able to soak up the information she told me about her disease while I was in such a state of shock.   
Please note here that my collection of Earth Reports is to focus largely on a more anthropological take on human and Earth life and cultures. There are plenty others who are compiling deeper research into human biology and medicine, and they are much more qualified to do so than I. That being said, I have taken upon myself to learn the basics of human biology, as it does play a large part in understanding many aspects of day to day life on Earth.  
What I was told, and what I have since learned is that the disease known as diabetes is when the pancreas organ slows or even ceases functioning. The pancreas creates a hormone called insulin, which helps the human body regulate glucose levels in their blood. Without the hormone being created, those levels can fluctuate and must be manually regulated by the human in question, or through the use of devices like the one attached to Mary’s body. Without the insulin pump, as it is called, her blood sugar would fluctuate dangerously and could kill her.  
With this new discovery as a catalyst, I now wish to focus the next section of my reports on human health and biology as it relates to my own field of study. I have come across humans in the past who were missing limbs and had replaced them with outside tools and gadgets. It is also known that humans are capable of donating various organs, bodily fluids and material post-mortem as well as while still being alive. And, well, apparently they can also replace body parts with machines that may or may not even have to be inside their bodies.  
Humans are weird, yes. Understanding them so as to better help the galaxy interact with them has been my goal with these reports. With this and upcoming reports, I would like to further add that humans are very tenacious. They will not allow themselves to be stopped in the progression of their lives, even if it is their own bodies that are trying to impede them. They find a way through or around their obstacles, adapting, tinkering, and doing their best to defy even death itself.


	30. The Gardener - Part 3

How the human had managed to land this hunk of junk without getting themselves killed was some stroke of dumb luck. That was clear the moment Nipti pulled the drat thing into the shop. It was even more clear as he crouched into it to look at the ship’s meager engines. He’d had to teach himself the basics of small engines and different machines he used around the various gardens. However, that didn’t mean he was any sort of expert, especially when it came to something as big as a ship’s engines. That being said, even he could tell that the ship was going to need parts. A lot of them.  
“What is this- uhg, is this being held together with tape?!?” That was not up to any code he knew of. In fact, the more he saw of this ship the more he realized it was less of a ship and more of one giant collection of safety, engineering, design, and who knows what else protocol violations!  
This was hopeless. At least, for Nipti. He was a gardener after all, not a mechanic! Not to mention he still had his chores to do today. He sighed as he straightened his back and stretched. Well, might as well head back to the green garden. Make sure the human hadn’t gotten into anything too dangerous. They may be from the same planet as many of his specimens, but that didn’t mean they were completely immune to their dangers. And also, maybe he could get them to help out with his chores there if their offer to do so was genuine.  
Nipti carefully retreated from the trash scrap the human called a ship and started up the hoverbike.  
When Nipti arrived back at the Green Gardens, he didn’t see the human. He watched the raspberries, waiting to see moving branches or signs of their presence. The leafy plants only moved gently with the wind. Where had they gone? As Nipti parked the hoverbike, he noticed the pails the human had retrieved from the supply shack. They were filled with red, purple, and golden yellow fruits. Well, nearly full. The human must have eaten about half of one of the buckets. Or maybe they just had finished picking and put the bucket with the others. Nipti looked up and around again for where the human had gone, now a little worried. They said the raspberries were fine for them to eat, he hoped they hadn’t been overestimating their ability to process the xylitol in them. Maybe they were sick and had to lie down. But where?  
“Marley?” Nipti called out. He kept telling himself that the human was fine. They were from Earth, they knew these plants potentially as well or even better than he did. He wasn’t sure why he felt so worried. He decided it must just be that he really, really didn’t want to deal with a sick or injured human in his gardens. That was definitely a good reason after all.  
“Marley?!”  
“Over here!” he could just make out their voice farther back in the foliage to his right. He gave a small sigh of relief, then shaking his head, donned his protective gear, and headed toward the sound of the human’s voice. He wondered if maybe they had found something else edible. That might be nice. Until their ship was fixed or a replacement procured, it was looking like they’d be here a while and he wasn’t quite sure what humans ate. Raspberries were one thing, but surely they needed more to their diet than that.  
As Nipti carefully pushed aside bushes and plants that he noted looked like they were in desperate need of trimming, he twisted his way into where he had heard Marley’s voice. As the human came into view, he stopped dead in his tracks.  
His plants.  
They were torn out of the ground, their scraggly, branching roots spreading out every which way except down in the dirt where they belonged. Plant after plant in the clearing looked like they’d been ripped up, bunched together, and thrown down. It was like something out of a horror story.  
“My plants!” Nipti cried, rushing forward and grabbing the human as they tried to pry up another specimen. “What have you done?! Why would you do this to my plants?!”  
Surprised, Marley released the plant they’d been pulling at and fell back onto Nipti who in turn fell back and landed on a pile of pulled vegetation.  
“Dude, what the heck? What was that for?” Marley rolled off of Nipti and pushed themselves back up onto their knees.  
“What was that- what do you think that was for?!” Nipti gestured at the carnage around him. He frowned down at the small crushed bunch of flowers his plants had started sprouting. Such a waste! Such a tragedy! Perhaps he could replant some of them, it might not be too late for some.  
“What, do you mean the weeds?” Marley’s eyebrows lifted at different angles as they looked between their mess and Nipti’s devastated expression. “I thought you’d be happy. You have quite an infestation of garlic mustard, you know.”  
“Infestation?! I planted these! What do you think you’re doing by ruining my garden like this?”  
Marley frowned and stared at him for a moment. “You mean you meant to plant these? Like, on purpose?”  
“Of course I did! You know I get plenty of tourists who come through my gardens and step on things here or pull a plant there, but never, in all my time, have I ever had someone go as far in their destruction as you, you monster!”  
The human looked hurt, and perhaps a bit unsure of themselves for a moment. They looked around the clearing again and their eyebrows squinted together. “Nipti, I’m sorry about angering you. I was trying to help.” Before Nipti could cut in, Marley held up a hand to silence him. “I do have one question though. Or actually two. First, how many of these did you plant?”  
Nipti frowned. What? What did that matter? He looked down at the crushed plants beneath him again. Then around the clearing where there were more piles all around, and more still that hadn’t yet been picked.  
“A little more than half a dozen or so.”  
Marley nodded. “Second question. How long ago did you plant them?”  
Nipti turned his attention from the numerous plants around him to Marley. The realization was starting to dawn on him, but it was slow coming so far. “About two and a half solar cycles ago.”  
Marley nodded as if that was that.  
Nipti, still not quite understanding what the human was getting at and still not quite ready to let go of his anger and shock, stood back up. “What does that matter? You still had no right to ruin my gardens as you did.”  
Marley’s eyes did a small spin in their sockets as they too got to their feet. “This garlic mustard propagated this much in that short amount of time. I’m saving your garden. I know a noxious weed when I see one.”  
Nipti’s retort stopped in his throat. What? “Noxious weed? What do you mean?”  
Marley gestured to their surroundings. “Noxious weeds. They’re what happens when a plant that’s taken out of their native environment and put into a new one where they turn invasive and can cause damage or even kill native plants or wildlife that compete for resources. They can destroy ecosystems if left unchecked.” Nipti frowned as Marley bent down to grab one of the plants by the roots. “Garlic mustard can choke out undergrowth and releases toxins into the soil that kill vital networks of fungi that other plants and trees need.” Marley ripped off a handful of triangular leaves. “They’re edible though, so I guess there’s that.”  
Nipti nodded slowly as he took it all in. “Noxious weeds,” he repeated quietly. “But if they’re that bad, then why do they not completely overrun all of Earth?”  
Marley arched their back in a stretch and leaned on a nearby shovel. “Well, they try. The places they’re native to have the right conditions where they’re naturally kept in check. Outside those conditions, they put their survival mechanisms to use and overwhelm ecosystems that aren’t adapted to deal with their tactics. People try to fight them and cut ‘em back, but sometimes it becomes a bit of an uphill battle.”  
Nipti silently gasped. Battle? Were the humans really at war with the plants from their own planet? He looked around at the clearing they stood in. Well, he supposed it did kind of look like a battlefield of sorts right now.  
Marley looked around as well and exhaled. “I don’t think they’ve done too much damage yet though. We’ll have to keep an eye around the area though. Garlic mustard seeds spread on the wind, but I don’t know how many of these have gone to seed just yet.” They walked to another patch of garlic mustard, pausing at the large pile they fell in earlier. “Do you have a place to put these? Like a bag or something? I can eat some, they’re still pretty young, the bigger ones I’ll have to cook the cyanide out.”  
“Cook the cyanide out?!”  
“Yeah, I can add them to a stir fry or make a sauce or whatever out of those. We just need to get them out of here.”  
Nipti sized up the number of large piles of pulled plants. This was a lot to take in. First, his garden was torn up, then he was told that the plants growing there were trying to kill his other plants, and now he has to figure out a way to clean all this up and prevent some plant infestation?  
He had done so much research when selecting specimens for his garden, what soils were necessary, watering information, light, humidity, pollination needs, on and on and on. He looked into everything he’d need to make sure every plant in his garden could thrive. He just never realized that some plants would go on to thrive at the cost of killing off other plants. He provided everything they needed, after all, there was no need for that. But the plants didn’t know that. They were created on Earth, a known category three death world. Survival of the fittest was hardwired into their DNA, and no luxurious life in his or anyone’s garden was going to change all that.  
“I’ll go get some bags and wagons to carry these,” he turned and headed back in the direction of the hoverbike.  
“Oh, before you go, real quick,” Marley called out. Nipti turned. “Did you happen to notice anything… odd about my ship when you were looking it over?”  
Odd? Nipti wondered. Odd was the least to worry about with that ship. “In my honest opinion,” he responded, “your ship is a piece of junk and you’d be better off selling it for scrap and parts. If there are any working parts left that is.”  
Marley made a low noise that sounded like a mix between a growl and a whine. “That bad, huh?”  
“I’ve never seen anything so malfunctioned before in my life.”  
The human’s shoulders dropped. They looked so sad, like a fledgling kuipik that’s forgotten where its den was.   
Nipti sighed. “If you really have it in to fix the drag blast thing, you’re gonna need a complete overhaul. Those do not come cheap, nor am I anywhere near qualified or capable of doing anything more than a tune-up. You'd have to hire a mechanic. And a good one at that.”  
“How much are we talking?”  
“Almost as much as it would cost to buy a ship that size new.”  
“Ouch.” Marley closed their eyes and tilted their head back up to the sky. After a silent moment, they nodded and began pacing. “Okay, okay. I’ll figure that out. In any case, I’m going to need money, and lots of it then. More than what I’ve got now, that’s for sure.” They stopped. They stared at the pulled plants around them. Nipti didn’t have much experience with humans and their wildly varied expression, but even he could see that Marley was thinking hard.  
After a few tiks, they nodded. “Nipti? You said you have a lot of tourists pop in, right?”  
“I do. They can be a real pain in my tail most of the time.”  
“I don’t suppose those tourists would mind a bite to eat while they peruse the gardens.”  
Nipti narrowed his eyes.  
Marley continued “And if they didn’t bring a snack, or if they wanted to sample some exotic foods while visiting exotic plants, made by what may be to them an exotic alien, they might be willing to pay some real tourist-trap level prices.”  
“I don’t know if I like where this is going.”  
“It’s just an idea,” Marley stopped pacing. “Like you said, fixing my ship isn’t going to be cheap. I know you love your gardens and having a human literally fall from the sky suddenly be your problem wasn’t part of your plans, but I’m willing to help you with your plants and dealing with tourists, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get my ship fixed. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone?”  
“I’m going to assume that’s an Earth idiom.”  
“Yes it is.”  
Nipti sighed. Putting his head in his hands, he slid his slender fingers over his nasal ridge. “Okay. That may be a good idea,” he conceded, “but as of right now, it’s just an idea that needs a lot of thinking through and careful planning.”  
Marley’s face split into a toothy expression, the corners of their mouth turned upwards. They raised their hand up in a fist, except their opposable fifth digit was extended upwards. He stared at them. They stared back.   
“I’ll go get those bags then,” Nipti once again turned back toward the hoverbike. Thankfully, he had left it in the sun to recharge. He had already made more back and forth trips from his workshop and quarters to the Green Garden today alone than he had any time in recent memory. And by the looks of all the garlic mustard he would now need to transport, he would be making a few more before the day was done.


	31. Haunted Houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! Stay spooky.

“You know the translators don’t work for written word right?” Danro grunted, eyeing the small tablet screen his human companion held out to him. It was displaying several small human glyphs.

“It’s just a waiver saying you’re okay with coming in, and that if you have any bad effects from the flashing lights or spooky stuff they use, you can’t sue them because you chose to be here willingly, blah blah blah.” Human Addy again held up the tablet. “Basically it’s just the legal-ese version of everything we talked about earlier. I can read through it for you if you really want.”

Danro let out a growling hum. “Just look through it and make sure there’s nothing in there that wasn’t what you told me earlier.”

“No prob.” Addy pulled the waiver back and scanned over it quickly, mumbling to herself under her breath as she read. Danro looked at the human working behind the check-in counter who was doing their best to not be obvious that they were gawking at him. Not that that bothered him or anything. Standing head and shoulders above most other humans and covered in long light brown and white fur, he certainly stood out from the gathered crowd.

“We’re good to go, everything checks out!” Addy declared, handing the tablet and stylus to Danro. “You just need to write a signature at the bottom and we can go in.”

“But I don’t know how to write in your language,” Danro glanced dubiously at the screen.

“Just take it,” Addy pushed the stylus into his large hands, “You can write in your language, it doesn’t matter.”

Danro doubted that. He sighed. Humans and their contracts. They were obsessed with them, and honestly, the more he got to know of their race, the more he started to understand why. Humans, for all their ingenuity and seemingly lovable natures, could be quite underhanded. They could think their way around and through most obstacles, especially when those obstacles were well-established but loosely-defined rules and expectations. Many a treaty or trade agreement had been swung wildly in favor of the party consisting of or including humans. It was like they lived for loopholes and variable interpretations. Intersystem lawyers have been scrambling to learn from and replicate the style humans wrote contracts. After all, only a human contract could (at least somewhat) confidently bind a human.

He scribbled his name in his own familiar letters, figuring that would have to be good enough. He trusted Addy when she said it was just a liability waiver after all. She had already signed one herself. After handing the tablet and stylus back to the kid working the booth, they were off.

As they walked around the entrance gate, Danro’s mind immediately went into overdrive trying to take in and process the scenery. The surrounding buildings creating the quad the event was hosted in were lit up with orange, purple, and green lights. Queues of patrons stretched along the concrete sidewalks that ran between buildings. They were watching costumed dancers in the middle of the quad as they waited to enter the “haunted” buildings. What looked like old metal trash cans had fires lit inside them with small crowds of humans and the occasional alien figure huddled around them. There were smaller lines in front of a few trailers and booths that looked like they were selling very aromatic foods and drinks.

An approaching figure caught Danro’s eye. It was almost as tall as him, draped in a raggedy shawl, and had a grotesquely disfigured face with lacerations running from the top of its head and across one eye. Danro sniffed. He saw blood, but he didn’t smell it. This must be a human actor in a costume, something Addy had warned him of beforehand. They were likely wearing stilts as they were almost eye level to him.

“My my my, what have we here!” The actor’s voice was both screechy and gravely, a combination that made Danro’s fur prickle slightly. "I've seen many a ghost and ghoul in these mansions, but I've yet to encounter any of the likes of you two." They made an exaggerated show of looking between Danro and Addy, as if sizing them up. “What do I call you two apparitions?”

Addy gave a small chuckled and gestured to herself. “I’m Addy, I’m a human. And this is Danro, he’s a kexi biet.”

“Mortals?!” The mask wobbled a bit as the actor stepped back dramatically and then leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, “I’d keep that information to yourselves while you’re here. Who knows what lurking terror might overhear and decide to snack on your bones!”

Danro smiled indulgently at the costumed human. They were certainly well in character.

“We’ll be sure to not mention it again,” he nodded.

“Be sure that you don’t!” the mask rose up so that the fake, glossy eyes were almost level with his own. “You are a brave biet, Danro. Brave, or perhaps foolish. I do hope you and your small companion survive. Come.” They turned and led them towards the center of the quad. They paused and waited for them to catch up next to one of the trash can fires. “Have either of you been here before?”

Addy nodded, “Yeah but it’s been YEARS.” Danro shook his head.

“What a treat, then.” They pointed to one of the closer buildings with a purple light out front. Danro noticed that the actor’s costume was detailed down to the largely uneven stitches on their sleeves. It gave their arm an odd shape. Or at least, he hoped the odd shape of their arm was just part of the costume.

“Each of these buildings is haunted, some more than others. They are color-coded by the lights of how ‘dangerous’ they are.”

“So is that one the safest?” Addy dipped her head to the building being pointed to.

Their guide only laughed ominously. “Present your passes to the attendants by the door. No running, no pushing, no flashlights or video, no explicit language as it disturbs our… residents, and keep your hands to yourself if you’d like to keep your hands.”

And without another word, their guide ambled off. Addy shuffled a little closer to the fire and grinned at Danro.

“Alrighty then! Which one do you want to do first?”

Danro looked around at the quad. The dancers finished their song and were now walking and milling away to tents to warm up or rest, smallish humans were carefully nibbling on a pink puffy food on a stick that looked suspiciously like hair. The buildings themselves loomed around them, lit by their colored lights and the flickering fires around the quad. Their boarded up windows gave no indication of what was inside, although they couldn’t quite muffle the occasional scream from within.

“I’d prefer it if we could find the one that’s the mildest first,” Danro admitted. “Kind of ease myself into this, if you will.”

“No worries, bud.” Addy started towards the building with the green lights. “I think that would be this one. Green usually means easy, or mild, or good or whatever.”

That’s not what green was usually associated with on his planet, but hey, trying to scare yourself as a method of amusement and recreation wasn’t really a thing back home either. This was all very new to him.

The line in front of the green building moved pretty quickly. As they approached the front, Addy put a hand on his arm and looked up at him.

“Hey, thanks again for coming. These things aren’t nearly as much fun alone.”

Danro smiled. “Thank you for the invite.” Addy had invited a few more from their crew once she knew they’d be planetside on Earth just before what she claimed was one of her favorite holidays. He had been the only one to accept. A few others had gone to a “corn maze” with another human from the crew. Apparently, it wasn’t “haunted” and so appealed to more crewmates. Danro accepted the invitation because it saddened him to think of Addy going somewhere scary alone. That, and afterward it would be known across the ship of how much more brave he was than those who were too afraid to come.

The attendants at the door reminded them of the rules, marked their passes, and opened the doors for them.

Once inside, the doors shut noisily and Danro could feel the confidence he’d held on to outside drip away. His senses were being thrown off in here. The lights were dim, which isn’t too bad, he didn’t have great night vision, but it was alright. But there was something wrong here. He couldn’t tell why, but he could feel it. As Addy started down a narrow corridor covered with cobwebs, he took a deep breath and told himself it was just his nerves. Or maybe, he thought as they continued down the winding corridor, it was all this smoke stuff. It wasn’t real smoke, it smelled different, like minerals instead of burned materials. That was also throwing him off. The first time he saw an amputated human arm dangling out of a bag, he nearly freaked out. It was only when they passed right by it that he realized he didn’t actually smell any blood. He clutched Addy’s shoulder ahead of him as they walked by.

Danro muttered to himself. “It’s not a real arm. It’s not real. It’s not real.” He was really just saying it to himself, but from the way Addy looked back and up at him, he knew she must have heard him. 

The next room was divided by a series of ripped and filthy “curtains.” As soon as they entered, Danro growled. The lights here were flashing strobe lights, making it difficult to see. There were human-sized figures standing in the room. As they passed by, he realized they weren’t human, but some sort of mannequins. Good, he sighed. Some of them looked grotesquely mangled and mortally wounded. He was glad they weren’t actual humans. As they were deep into the large room, his heart nearly stopped as he realized that some of them were moving. No, he thought, no, it had to just be a trick of the strobe lights.

Near the exit of the room, one definitely moved. The figure jumped out at them with a gravely yell. Addy screamed and jumped back. Danro froze momentarily and had to remind himself to not attack. They weren’t in danger. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t-

Addy scampered through the exit without him. Danro did his best to maneuver after her. The figure that had scared them stared at him with white eyes. That… that’s not normal. Humans have colorful and/or dark eyes. They smiled at him, baring their teeth. Even when normal humans smiled like that, Danro found it disconcerting, but this was on a whole different level. This felt genuinely dangerous.

Addy was waiting for him in the next room.

“Sorry,” she panted. “Didn’t mean to leave you behind back there.”

“Their eyes,” he whispered loudly to her, as if worried they’d overhear and come after them from their room.

“I didn’t even see their eyes. Were they creepy?”

Danro nodded.

Addy smiled, without baring her teeth, Danro noted appreciatively. “This place has really stepped up their game since the last time I was here.”

They continued through, warily watching out for hiding figures, walking through narrow maze-like halls, over uncomfortably soft and uneven ground, and through a tunnel where the walls looked like they were spinning around them. He nearly lost his balance off the walkway. He could have sworn the ground was moving. Even after they passed through that and went up a flight of stairs, he could still feel the dizzying effects. Coupled with his sense of sight and smell being confused around nearly every turn, he was starting to feel the tendrils of dread creeping into his mind. As they rounded a turn, he immediately noticed a dark figure moving in the corner. They looked like they were climbing the walls. After a few heartbeats of analyzing its movements, he realized it was mechanical. Good, it was just a prop then. As they walked through the room, bright lights strobed and the figure on the walls flew at them. Addy screamed again and ran to the door. Danro jumped up and fell back on the ground. The figure jerked to a stop in the air a pace or two away, and slowly retracted back to the wall. As Danro scrambled back up to his feet, he noticed the folding metal lattice mechanics that moved the dark creature. As terrified as he was, he had to admit that that was quite a creative scare.

There were several other rooms they walked through with no actors inside, just creepy dolls and mannequins or unsettling objects that made Danro’s fur prickle. There was a long hall with poor lighting and a very low ceiling that even Addy had to duck to get through.

“I hope nothing tries to scare us in here,” Danro muttered as he squeezed through the narrow passageway. “I don’t think I’d be able to get away very fast.”  
“I don’t think there’s anything in here. Or at least there wasn’t when I came through here when I was in high school. I think this part’s mostly “scary” because it’s supposed to make you feel claustrophobic.”

Danro scanned the bare cinder block and exposed dim light bulbs along the narrow passageway. Well, he thought, it was certainly claustrophobic in here. He could feel his heart rate increase the longer they walked through here and was incredibly relieved when they reached the end. Addy helped him watch his step as he climbed down from the small exit and into the dim cellar-like room.

"Are you okay?" She carefully brushed some fake cobwebs from the fur on his arms.

“I’m fine. There aren’t any more small tunnels like that though, are there?” Danro, much like many biets, did not enjoy tight spaces.

“I think there’s another one in one of the other buildings, but it’s nowhere near as constrictive as that, or as long.” She looked up at him with a concerned expression. “Is that alright? You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

Danro smiled and nodded. “I’ll be fine. I got through this so far, I can handle it. Plus, it’s more fun to do these things together, right?”

Addy’s smile was worth any fright this place could throw at him anyway.

They pressed on and got a few more screams out of Addy and a few more alarmed jumps from Danro. As they rounded another corner and entered another dark room, Danro paused, senses alert to the scene before them. Something felt off, though he couldn’t place the reason why. His fur stood on end and he swore he could see his and Addy’s breath. He could see places where actors were likely hiding in wait to scare them, but that wasn’t where his attention was focused. There was something different about this room and it made his heart rate skyrocket.

He thought he saw movement in the corner of his vision, but when he turned his focus there, expecting to see an actor sneaking towards them, there was nothing. Addy slowly crept deeper into the dark room ahead of him. Not wanting to be separated in a place like this, he tried to stay close. Halfway through the room though, he froze. Did he really see… he swore mentally. Was that a chirnu? What was a thing like that doing in a human attraction? What was it doing here at all? It had no right, no right to exist outside biet folklore and nightmares. The living shadow, or the fang of the shadows, depending on who was telling the story. Danro closed his eyes instinctively. Don’t look at it. Don’t look at it and it might not look at you.

“Danro,” Addy whispered, realizing she no longer felt his hairy bulk behind her.

He said nothing but willed her to remain quiet. The chirnu might hear her if it hadn’t already.

“Danro, we’re almost at the end, just a little further.” She reached back to put a hand on his arm.

A loud shriek and rush of movement made them both jump. Danro swept Addy into his arms and ran. To gadring with the rules! He ran! He could hear laughter behind him and taunting voices that may or may not have been human, at this point he didn’t know nor care. He could smell fresh air ahead and it seemed to be like a beacon of hope to him.

“Danro!” Addy cried out but was cut off by a loud growl to their left. A figure jumped out from the shadows, donned in a ripped cloak, and holding a weapon that Danro later realized was a human tool used for cutting lumber.

How the heck had this maniac gotten in here with that?! Danro dodged to the right. Addy screamed and held on so tightly to Danro’s fur that she might have pulled a few tufts loose. The maniac with the saw laughed and gave chase.

This was a mistake! This was a mistake! This was a mistake!

Maybe if he could just make it outside where the crowds were, they could lose their pursuer. Surely he wouldn’t give chase into public?

Danro barreled through the final door and out into the chilly air outside. Relief! The roar of the saw was still right behind, and so he kept up with his pace. Thankfully, their pursuer didn’t seem to be able to keep up and eventually stopped a ways outside the door to laugh and Danro and Addy ran around the corner of the building and back to the crowded quad area.

Once he was absolutely sure they were no longer being followed, he stopped only long enough to set Addy back on the ground before he started again for the main entrance.

“Hey! Wait, where are you going?” Addy bounded after him.

“We need to let someone know. They need to be warned before someone gets killed!”

“What? Wait, do you- do you mean the chainsaw guy?” Addy was now at his side, but struggling to keep up. “That’s just part of the whole thing, it’s a classic end to a haunted house. There’s no actual chain or blade or whatever, it’s safe.”

Danro slowed and turned to face Addy. He studied her face. She was smiling and didn’t seem at all worried that they had almost been killed by a psycho with a “chain saw.” He took a few deep breaths to slow his heart down. “It’s not real? We’re fine?” He finally managed to ask.

Addy smiled and nodded. “We’re fine. So, first time through a haunted house, what did you think?”  
Danro looked back to the building they had just run out of. He stared hard at it, trying to make sense of the whole experience. Or mostly, trying to make sense of what he had seen in that last room. Had he really seen what he thought he saw?

“Danro? Are you okay?” Addy’s worried tone snapped him back.

“I thought…” he was almost embarrassed to ask now. Admitting that he had seen what would be to her an alien monster, a mythical alien monster at that, seemed to be a bit laughable now that they were back in the safety of the quad. Addy continued to look at him though, expecting him to finish his thought.

“I thought I saw… a chirnu in there in that last room,” he admitted quietly.

Addy blinked. “Chirnu? What’s that?”

He grimaced. It was said that talking about them could help them hunt you down later. As briefly as he could, he described the monster that terrorized biet folklore.

Addy listened intently and nodded. When he was done, she hummed. “That does sound pretty bad. But I’m pretty sure we’re okay. I don’t think what you saw in there was a chirnu.”

Relief flooded Danro’s system. He felt silly even entertaining the idea that chirinu were for one thing, real, and another thing, here on Earth. Although, that did leave one question.

“Then what did I see?”

“Well, I’m not entirely sure. That last room was definitely creepier than the others. I think it’s genuinely haunted.” Danro tilted his head and Addy laughed. “Although if I had to venture a guess, from your description I’d say it was probably a giant rubber spider. That room did kind of have a spider theme if you didn’t notice.”  
“Spider theme?”

“Yeah, I think the whole building kind of had a “phobia” theme to it. Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders. Lots of people have it. I just didn’t know biets had it too.”

Danro straightened his back in mock indignation. “I’m not afraid of spiders.”

Addy laughed. “Okay, then you were just pretending back there?”

Danro frowned, but the human’s happy energy was too much and he eventually cracked and smiled back. He looked around at the other patrons, mostly humans, who were waiting anxiously in line. They came to be scared. They wanted to be scared. How odd. And yet, Danro could feel himself still riding the high of his fight or flight senses. From what he understood, humans experienced a similar feeling, heightened by the production of a hormone called adrenaline. He could see how places like this might seem attractive to those seeking that rush.

“Well,” he responded airily, “I thought the whole point was to pretend to be scared.”

Addy laughed and teased. He teased back, recalling and imitating her many screams. They continued doing so while they waited in line to buy a bag of what Addy called “popcorn” and two caramel covered apples. Addy said they were some of her favorites, and caramel apples were a fall tradition. Danro enjoyed both. He smiled as he listened to Addy continue on about things she loved about the season and upcoming holiday before they went to wait in line for the building with the orange light.

That night became, quite possibly, one of his fondest memories. Humans are weird. They think getting scared on purpose is fun. Maybe Danro was a bit weird too because he whole-heartedly agreed.


	32. Leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am still working on some prompts and requests I've been given, don't you worry. I just had this idea while I was walking to work today and had to write it asap.

It was a normal day for a normal planetside excursion. Not that Timby went planetside. No, she stayed on the ship and made sure everything that came back from planetside was safe and clean. Or at least, the crewmates that came back were clean. Any samples they brought back for study were processed differently. After all, if you wanted to bring back a sample to study and ran it through the decontamination portal and it damaged or altered the makeup of whatever it was that you wanted to study, what was the point?  
As the exploration crew returned, Timby directed them through the decontamination portal one at a time and made manual checks as they stepped out.  
“Please make sure all tools and equipment are placed on their sides before you push them through,” Timby called out to Kiebur, a bulky red biet who chuckled and nodded as they made sure to follow directions. He knew what to do, Timby knew that. Kiebur was a veteran when it came to planetside explorations, but it was part of her job to vocalize and direct returning crew through every procedure correctly.  
Kiebur stepped up to the portal as Timby waved him forward and had him pause. She had to double-check the settings. Biets have such long thick fur that she had to make sure the decontamination would be thorough while still not being too unpleasant as he went through. With a few twists of a dial and a few digits altered on the readout, she nodded and waved him forward. “Step through slowly, please. Arms raised slightly, thank you. Raise your left foot. Now right. All right, you’re good to go.”  
“Thanks Timby,” Kiebur rumbled as he passed by. “How much longer do you have on your shift?”  
“Oh, I’m about half-way through now.”  
“Ah. Well, when you get off duty, feel free to stop by commons 4. We’re having a bit of a get-together. We’ll have some light foods and Human Hina is going to teach us some popular Earth games and Roavara Sefra is going to perform some folk songs she knows.”  
Timby’s facial fins lifted in a grin. “Thank you. That sounds delightful.”  
Kiebur returned the smile and went to retrieve the tools as they came through the automated decontamination chamber.  
“Next please!”  
Human Vivian was next up. Timby was about to give her the directions for tools and equipment when she noticed that what the human was carrying in her hand was not a ship tool or piece of equipment.  
“Uh, Vivi, all samples from the planet are supposed to be sealed before you come in.”  
Vivi held up the colorful item in question. Upon further inspection, Timby realized it was a leaf of some sort. “It’s not a sample for study. I wanted, uh, well I wanted to keep it.”  
Timby paused. It was a leaf. The question, “Why,” came from her lips as soon as she thought it.  
Vivi lowered the leaf to inspect it. “The sector of the planet we were in is experiencing a seasonal shift, like autumn back on Earth. A lot of the trees are shedding leaves and I found this one and it was so pretty, so I picked it up on our way back.”  
“Okay,” Timby frowned, the line behind Vivi was growing and the pause was starting to get to Timby’s need for efficiency. “But if it’s something for study, then you really should return outside and place the leaf in the collection packets.”  
Vivi’s eyes didn’t leave the leaf in question. “It’s not for study. We’ve already studied a lot about the tree this came from. I just really like this leaf and want to keep it.”  
“And do what with it?” Timby did not understand. If it wasn’t a study sample, then why bring it aboard? “Is it edible or something?”  
That got Vivi to look back up. Others from the exploration crew laughed slightly. Timby wondered if they had already asked that when they saw their human companion was bringing along alien foliage.  
“Well, I guess it could be, I mean, it’s not poisonous or anything. But I’m not going to eat it. I just like the colors. I want to try pressing it in a book or something.”  
Timby stared. Press it in a book? What would that do? Was that some human custom? She thought quickly about what she knew about books on Earth. They were made from cellulose fibers that had been ground into pulp, pressed, and dried. How was “pressing” the fresh cellulose of a leaf into it supposed to do anything?  
“If it’s alright,” Commander Daravul spoke up from behind Vivi, “I’ve given Human Vivian my permission to keep the leaf as long as it survives the decontamination process.”  
Timby looked between the human and the sefra commander, the latter of which had a relaxed and amused expression on his gray-streaked face.  
“Errr… alright. Hold on to it then as you come through.” Timby set the decontamination levels to accommodate the human. “Step through slowly, please. Arms raised slightly. Raise your left foot. Now right. Er, move the leaf to your other hand. All right, that’s it I guess.”  
Vivi stepped through and looked down to examine the leaf in her hands. She held it up as she turned back to the line still waiting for decontamination.  
“The colors are still good!”  
From the cheers that erupted, you would have thought the Captain had just announced extra bulgum rations in everyone's meal for the next partec. Vivi waved the leaf back and forth triumphantly all the while baring her teeth in a grin as humans sometimes do. It was barely larger than the palm of her hand, but the way it swayed back and forth on its stem, one might have thought it was some important banner or flag. Some important, tiny flag.  
Timby watched quietly as the human stepped back to where Kiebur was loading up the now-clean equipment and offered to help haul the tools back to storage, her huge grin never leaving her face.  
CommanderDaravul stepped up to go through decontamination next and the rest of the exploration crew settled down to chuckles and smiles. Their human was happy, so they were too, especially when it was over something so simple as a leaf.  
As Timby continued with her duties, she could just make out Kiebur discuss the leaf as Vivi helped him load equipment.  
“That is a pretty leaf. How long do you think the colors will stay that vibrant?”  
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m going to try to press it before it dries out. Even if it doesn’t, it’s pretty now and that’s good enough for me.”  
“Well, I’m glad you’re so easily entertained,” the biet laughed.  
The commander joined them and helped them as they walked through the sanitary airlocks, Vivi continued admiring her new leaf and going on and on to a very amused biet and sefra about the leaf and its properties that produced its colors.  
Timby shook her head but couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face. Humans, as tough and battle-ready or hardy as they could be, could also be so easily entertained and amazed. Their joy was infectious among those they pack-bonded with. Even over something as simple and beautiful as a leaf.  
It was one of the reasons she liked having them around.


	33. Shiny Rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story idea came from user mytasteinmusic  
Thanks for the suggestion! I don't know if I really went into what you were thinking, but yes, humans do love their shiny rocks and we will totally freak out over a whole planet made out of diamond!

Everyone in the Planetary Acquisition Requests Office was stumped. It wasn’t completely unheard of to get requests for planetary resource rights from two or three separate groups at a time for the same planet, but the current situation was barring on ridiculous!  
Planet AL-471 had been discovered fairly recently. Reports of it were made known publicly across the galactic community, as was standard procedure for a newly discovered planetoid. Since then, hundreds - that’s right- hundreds of resource rights requests have flooded in.  
After the first dozen or so, Liat thought it was some sort of joke. But the requests just kept coming. In almost no time, they were up to their lateral fins in request paperwork.  
“We just got three more requests for AL-471,” Makeenitee, a small, multi-legged teyer complained in a high squeaky voice from across the office. A choir of low growls, clicks, and groans quickly followed.  
“That’s it, this is getting ridiculous!” Bryeabar stood up from her workspace. With her long legs, she crossed the office to Makeenitee in no time. “Where are these even coming from?”  
The small teyer activated the holographic settings on their datapad to let Bryeabar see. “It looks like a third of them, oh wait,” Makeenitee looked at the data, “no another one just came in. About a third of them are from the Solis 26 Sector.”  
Half the room glanced at each other with a knowing look. Solis 26. One system in that area had a life-supporting star. Nine planetoids orbited that star. The third one being the infamous Earth.

“So humans.” Liat sighed, stating what everyone had already figured out. “Okay. Who else wants access to the planet?”  
Makeenitee opened up the files of all the previous requests and scanned through the information. “Looks like an engineering and development guild from the chiatoru home-world, as well as a few requests from the Tret 4 System.”  
Liat nodded, “So the kloxans and a few bookas. That at least makes sense. Anyone else?”  
“There are a few more scattered around, but it looks like most of them are from human colony worlds or organizations.”  
Everyone in the office shared a look again. The question on everyone’s mind was ‘why?’  
Why were so many humans wanting access? Why this planet? Without having to be asked by anyone, Liat opened up a new holographic screen on the report of the planet in such high demand.  
Planet AL-471, thus named because no official name had been bestowed by caretakers as of yet, was one of the newly discovered planets on the far end of charted space. It had been explored by a Galactic Confederation ship. Their exploration crew had managed a planet-side of a small team who were able to take samples from the surface and run seismograph tests. According to their findings, the planet’s composition was approximately 86% carbon allotropes, with the other 14% being made up of a long list of different metals and minerals and trace amounts of gases. As such, it was not a likely candidate for colonization, as it was incapable of sustaining life.  
It was certainly an odd planet, but the galaxy was full of strange things.  
“Does anyone know much about humans, or why so many want access to the planet?” Liat finally broke the silence. Heads all around the office started swiveling around to see if anyone would have answers.  
A wispy form near the middle of the room spoke up. “I think humans are supposed to really like shiny things, right? The planet’s mostly made out of diamond. Maybe they just think it’s pretty?”  
A murmur of voices and quiet chuckles hummed throughout the office. Liat shook his head and took a closer look at the list of resource rights requests. There were a few names and descriptions of groups and companies that sounded like they could be after the diamond for industrial reasons. They weren’t the majority, certainly, but there was quite a collection of them. There were a lot of other names on the list that he was a bit more skeptical of their reasoning. Was that what they were after? Pretty rocks? It couldn’t be something so simple like that, right? Liat sighed. “First things first, we need to get someone in here that understands humans if we’re ever going to get through all these requests.”  
It took a while, but after a search through the entire bureau headquarters, an expert on humans was found. Human Roy wasn’t overly thrilled to be pulled away from whatever projects he had been working on back in his department, but he stood patiently enough in front of the office. Liat explained the situation to him briefly and showed him an extensive list of requests.  
"Can you help us make sense of this? Any insights or knowledge about why so many humans would want access to the planet so badly? It would help us make fair decisions as we accept or reject the requests."  
Human Roy scanned over the information a few more times. Everyone watched silently, not wanting to miss a word the human could help them with. After what felt like partecs, Human Roy scrunched up his face in an amusing expression. “What did you say this planet was made of again? Diamond?”  
“Among other things, yes.”  
“Then that’s why,” Human Roy straightened his posture and crossed his arms over his chest. “If that’s all you need, I have a deadline I need to make.”  
Liat and the others in the office looked at each other and Human Roy with perplexed expressions.  
“Wait,” Liat stopped Roy from leaving, “that’s it? That can’t be the only thing? Look at this list! There’s got to be something we’re not understanding here!”  
Human Roy huffed and turned back to the list. “Look,” he pointed at a few names on the list. “There are a few legitimate requests here. Not that I know all the ins and outs of your guy’s job, but I’d figure some of these are actually wanting the diamonds to use for construction or medical or engineering or whatever uses diamonds can be put to these days. The rest of these,” he ran his hand down to gesture at the remaining names, “Likely want access because it’s a freaking planet made out of diamond. They don’t want resources, they want status.”  
Liat blinked his stalk eyes slowly. “Status?”  
“Status. Diamonds have been a status symbol of wealth on Earth for, well, I don’t know, a long time. Personally, I never really saw the appeal. When it comes to fancy rocks, I think garnets and opals are pretty. I mean, sure, diamonds have some cool qualities and properties and whatnot. That’s why there are a few legitimate requests on this list,” Roy gestured to the names he had mentioned before, “But honestly, I’d really scrutinize the rest of these. I’d be interested in what the legit requesters would do with that much diamond.”  
“So, you’re saying that most of these just want…” Liat paused, trying to process all this. “They don’t even need the diamond?”  
“Mmmm, no. I’d say a lot of them just want to be able to say that they control giant diamonds on some far-flung planet somewhere.”  
Makeenitee spoke up from her seat, “But I don’t understand. If diamonds are so important to humans, wouldn’t this planet throw off supply and demand systems on Earth and human colony worlds?”  
“I have no idea. I’m in the communications bureau, not intergalactic economics.” Human Roy shifted his weight and sighed. “All I know is that back on Earth, diamonds have been marketed for - I don’t know, ever- that they are rare and super precious and everyone needs one and blah blah blah. They’re not rare though. Earth and pretty much all of the colony worlds have plenty of diamonds. Granted, none of them are the size of two continents, but hey,” Roy threw his hands up in what looked like a dismissive gesture, “humans like thinking the pretty rocks they’ve been told are super rare are really important.” He looked around at the office of blank alien faces. “Well, if that’s everything, I really do have stuff I need to finish. Good luck with your list.”  
And before anyone could ask another question, he was gone.  
Liat looked around at his coworkers then back to the impossibly long list that was still activated in the front of the room. He wished Roy had been able to give them more information that would help them weed through the “legit” requests and those that he said just wanted the diamonds for status. Still, the insight he gave was… interesting. Diamond was certainly a fairly common material across the galaxy, but it was very useful in many applications and often in demand. He hadn’t realized humans also coveted them so highly for purely aesthetic purposes.  
“Liat,” Makeenitee squeaked, “what do we do now?”  
Liat sighed and turned his attention back to the impossibly long list. It looked like it had grown a bit longer in all this. Each one of those organizations listed would need to be researched and be given a thorough background check. Then a series of shortlists would be composed and cross-referenced with each other according to resource requests and allocated resources available on the planet.  
“We’re going to do our jobs,” Liat finally broke the apprehensive silence. “Everyone, break up into teams of three and we’ll work our way down. Start from the top. The humans have made sure we’re going to be at this a while.”


	34. The Prisoner - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally worked through some major writer's block with this story!

The human that Garn assumed must be Embry hurried in a while after the ship was somewhat stabilized. She froze in place when she entered and saw Garn. He noticed how her grip tightened on the kit she carried, as well as how her eyes darted around the room as if looking for either a weapon or escape route.  
“It’s okay,” human Kaya had to speak up loudly to be heard over the ship’s straining engines. “He was traveling with Porter.”  
Embry nodded and approached Porter while still keeping a close eye on Garn.  
Garn watched her closely as she attended to his human friend. The realization that they had survived the ordeal at the Tupiti Port was starting to rise up inside him, and the excitement of his newfound escape and freedom was starting to return to Garn. Not only was he free of the Syndicate, he was completely off-planet, flying away from Karbrin on a ship that had not one, not two, but THREE humans aboard!  
Human Embry was working quickly and nearly had finished bandaging up Porter’s leg. As she leaned back to examine her work, Garn noticed she had a small metal device curled around her left ear. He wanted to ask about it, but before he did, Porter groaned and tried to pull himself back up into a sitting position. The human Embry pushed him back down, and to Garn’s shock, slapped him in the face.  
Garn’s fur prickled in shock and he jumped to his feet to defend his friend. Human Kaya was at his side in an instant, holding an arm out in front of him as if she would stop him should he try anything. Garn stepped forward, ready to push his way through to stop the smaller human female from again striking his friend. He towered a full head and shoulders over the humans after all.   
He didn’t get another step though. He looked down. The human Kaya had grabbed him and was now holding him back. “Don’t try it, dantum,” the human warned in a voice that sent ice burning through him. He stopped a growl in his throat from building when he looked into her dark brown eyes. He nearly got lost in them. They were the most commanding eyes he had ever seen, even among the Syndicate. Their depth, as well as the worn wrinkles of the skin around her eyes, silenced any protests that had sprung up in him. He stepped back resignedly, noting only now that the arm she had stopped him with was… odd. The dark brown of it did not match the rest of her skin. After focusing on it a little better, he noticed the seams and divots that ran across what was not flesh, but metal and silicone.  
As he stepped back, the humans relaxed slightly, except Porter, who had been distracted by nursing his now pink cheek.  
“Ow, Embry! What in gadring was that for?”  
“You know exactly what that was for,” the human medic snapped. “You lied to me. You were supposed to be on a simple parts run, and instead, you go off to who knows where and end up entangling us all with the dang Trinn-Har’rup Syndicate because we have to come save your butt! What were you thinking?!”  
“I didn’t lie. I got the parts,” Porter propped himself up on his arms without completely sitting up. “Or well, most of them. I actually had a few confiscated by the Nebbilins when they caught me. But I found a few goodies at the market on Karbrin!” Porter looked around for a bit before frowning. “Where’s my bag?”  
“Your bag?” Embry looked around as well.  
“Yeah, my bag? You know, the one that had all the parts in it? The one I always take with me? That bag!?” He looked to Garn. “Garn, please tell me you saw my bag. I must have dropped it. Did you grab it?”  
“I didn’t notice you had dropped it,” Garn apologized. “We were kind of running for our lives so I just picked you up and got you on the ship.”  
“Ugh,” Porter groaned and flopped onto his back. “Noooooo. The parts. My bag. I really liked that bag.” He immediately tried to get up as if to look for it himself, but Embry pushed him back down.  
“Oh no you don’t. You stay down, doctor’s orders,” Embry scolded.  
“Since when were you a doctor?”  
Embry pressed a finger onto the wound on Porter’s leg.  
“Ah, ah ah ah! Okay, sorry. I’ll stay down!”  
Garn frowned. The humans did not seem very nice to him at all. Why had Porter called them? Slowly, so as to not alarm the human Kaya again, he inched his way to Porter’s side. What more could he do though? He felt that if he showed too much aggression, he’d do more harm than good and likely get thrown in whatever brig this ship had. And that was likely the best-case scenario.  
He felt a bit like a prisoner even now though.  
The ship jerked violently to one side and everyone scrambled to find something to grab on to. Both Garn and Embry reached a hand out to Porter to steady him when he nearly rolled off the bench he was laying on.   
“Tig!” Kaya shouted, “What’s going on up there?” The only answer was another sharp turn of the ship in the opposite direction. “That kloxan’s gonna get us all killed,” Kaya muttered under her breath as she hauled herself across the room and out the door.   
“What’s going on?” Garn wasn’t sure if the sound of growling was coming from him or from the ship. This was all a mistake. This whole day was just one life-threatening event after another. All because he decided to open his mouth and get involved with a human prisoner. This is why all those outlandish warning stories about humans are shared late at night in the barracks. Humans are dangerous and their presence alone can bring chaos and peril. They were whispered to be threats that required immediate attention if you hoped to survive their antics. If the Syndicate knew of the stories that circulated and seemed to grow more outlandish among their guards, they didn’t ever see it fit to discredit them. Perhaps it was to make sure they kept a healthy amount of fear and caution when dealing with the deadly aliens. Or perhaps it was some sort of scare tactic, let the guards know the rest of the galaxy was a dangerous place filled with scary humans and the likes. Then they keep their guards from leaving their employment and going rogue. Like he had.  
Maybe that was it. And maybe they had been right to do so.  
Garn could hear yelling from where human Kaya had disappeared from. He shared a look with the other two humans with him.  
“What did she say?” Embry nearly yelled.  
Garn shook his head. He wasn’t sure. He strained his ears to try to pick out what was actually being said when a loud alarm trumpeted all around them. Embry screamed and covered her ears. Garn nearly jumped out of his fur but crouched low to cover both her and Porter, on the lookout for some sort of unseen attacker. He noticed vaguely when Embry pressed the side of her head into his fur as if trying to help muffle the loud sound while she fiddled with the gray device he had seen her wearing earlier. After a moment, she sighed in relief and seemed to loosen her tense muscles ever so slightly.  
“Hold on to something tight,” she commanded. “Don’t let Porter slide around either.”  
Garn obediently followed directions, only questioning why he was doing so after he had braced himself and the two humans. His unasked question was answered quickly as the ship seemed to lurch forward and all of Garn like he’d fallen off a cliff left all his internal organs behind. There was a terrible, almost musical creak or groan from the ship around them and suddenly he felt like a strong weight was pushing against him. It was crushing and for a moment, he had to remind himself to breathe.  
Thankfully, the sensation lasted only a few moments and with another lurch, it was over. Garn caught himself before he completely fell forward onto Embry. All three of them sat there, breathing heavily as they tried to compose themselves. At least now the ship seemed to have steadied itself again.  
“What… what was that?” Garn panted. He was only now starting to feel normal again, though a bit jostled. As he relaxed his right arm where he’d been holding on to a bar to steady himself, he realized he had bent the metal to his grip. It was slight enough that he hoped no one would notice.  
Porter groaned, “Oh frinz, that was a rough jump.”  
Embry reached for the device around her left ear again. “Say again?”  
“I just… ugh,” Porter winced as he shifted his leg to a more comfortable position. “I just said that was a rough jump.”  
“But what was that?” Garn asked again.  
“Hyperspace jump,” Human Kaya appeared suddenly from the doorway she had left through. “Bit of nasty travel, not great for the ship so we try to avoid it. But with our warp drive down and a couple goons on our tail, it gets the job done.” She smiled as she leaned against the door frame. “We’ve jumped just behind Karbrir’s second moon. We’ll hide out here until the coast is clear.”  
“You could have warned me before we jumped,” Embry complained, rubbing at her ears again. “You know the alarm hurts when it’s on normal settings.”  
Kaya frowned and straightened back up. “I yelled back to let you know, did you not hear me?” Embry shook her head. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry. I… I thought for sure you could hear me. I couldn’t leave the helm, I had to help Tig. I’m sorry that was so loud. Are you okay?”  
Embry nodded. “It’s fine now. I heard you yell something, but I couldn’t make it out. I think I was more surprised than anything.”  
Garn watched the two humans. It was clear to him that the older female was in charge on the ship. And yet her care towards her subordinate extended beyond remaining functional and duty-ready. She sounded genuinely concerned. And an apology? That was unheard of to Garn. Or at least, an apology not coming from the subordinate to the squad leader. And even then, back with the Syndicate ranks, apologies were harsh and not always received well. They were an excuse for weaknesses and failings after all. Part of him bristled with disdain and confusion upon hearing the apology, almost as an automatic reflex. But another part of him was rapt with curious confusion and awe as he watched the exchange. This human leader, who had been able to stop him in his tracks earlier with just one arm, was… apologizing?  
He felt himself a little jealous of Embry and Porter. Was this level of care part of the bonding that humans were so famous for?  
Behind Kaya, a robotic figure appeared in the doorway.   
“Captain,” the kloxan’s vocal synthesizers hummed cheerfully, “we’ve stabilized orbit around the moon. I request permission to begin repairs on the warp drive.”  
Everyone stared at the robot, Garn included.  
“That would be great, Tig, but we still don’t have the right parts,” Kaya looked back at Porter, though not with as much of an accusatory glare as Garn would have expected from his own supervisors if he’d been in a similar situation back home. “It appears we left Porter’s bag behind at the Tupiti spaceport.”  
“Yes,” replied Tig with an amused current in his tone as he held up a familiar-looking bag. “I thought it looked familiar. I believe I have what I need to fix the warp drive and replace at least a few hose casings in the cooling system.”  
“My bag!” Porter yelled happily and jumped to his feet as if he was going to go hug Tig. He made it almost two steps until he stepped on his bad leg and nearly collapsed. Garn caught him and helped him sit back down on the bench. Embry tutted and shook her head as she double-checked his bandages to make sure he hadn’t messed up her handiwork.  
Tig continued after a pause, “I do regret to inform you that I appear to be missing a few springs and the new navigation chip I had requested. If you had managed to procure them, Porter, it may be possible that they fell out and were lost during the confrontation on the planet.”  
“Yeah, it’s okay. The springs are probably the easiest to find,” Porter sighed, but his smile grew back bright as ever, “I’m just glad you saw it! I thought I’d lost it forever! It took a lot of work to break that bag in the way I like it, you know!”  
Kaya interjected with a nod. “Tig, go ahead and get the warp drive fixed. Though, it won’t be overly helpful until we’ve got the nav computer fixed. We’ll just have to continue with our workaround until we can get it updated. Will that be alright?”  
“Of course, Captain,” Tig nodded and turned to get started on the repairs. As he did so, Garn noticed the weapon slung over the robot’s shoulders. His heart froze.  
“Hey, Tig!” Porter called out from his bench, “Nice gun! Is it new?”  
Tig paused and looked back and held the gun in question carefully out in display. “I found this on the ground not too far from your bag. I have never seen one like it and wanted to see if I can reverse-engineer one like it for myself.”  
“You should have just tossed it,” Garn’s voice was shaky and gruff. Everyone turned to him as he said it. He knew that gun. It was the same one he’d looked down the barrel of back in the Tupiti spaceport. “It’s the Aruptet Cannon. It belongs to the Syndicate’s favorite assassin, Kriym Sarupto Maika. Hunting us was just a job for her then. Now she’ll hunt us because it’s personal. She designed and built that gun herself.”  
Porter frowned, “Wait, you mean to tell me that was a kriym that I punched back there? I didn’t know they worked with the Trinn-Harrups too.” He paused and gave a small smirk. “I thought they’d be bigger from all the stories about them.”  
Garn ignored that last part. “They don’t, or at least I don’t think so. They’re not like dantums. I’ve only ever seen or heard of a few being employed while I was there. And let me tell you, those few are enough. And Maika is the most lethal. As I said, she’s the Syndicate’s favorite assassin. She’ll hunt us down and take her gun back, and then kill us all for having the audacity for taking it from her in the first place. And not necessarily in that order.”  
Kaya studied Garn for a moment, taking in what he’d said.  
“You’re sure about that?” she finally said. “What if we threw it out the airlock right now? Got rid of it?”  
“She’d still hunt us. Even if we got rid of it, we’d still have taken it, and honestly, I don’t know if it being in our possession or not would be better or worse for us when she finally tracks us down.”  
Kaya hummed and nodded. “And you really think she’ll track us down? Tig can get the warp drive fixed in…” she turned to the four-armed robot, “how long until you can get the warp drive fixed?”  
“I would estimate half a standard cycle, Captain.”  
She turned back to Garn, “half a standard cycle. We get out of here and out of reach. You really think she can track us down across the galaxy?”  
“She’s been hired on assignments with less information to go on before,” Garn nodded solemnly. “She has a perfect record.”  
Porter leaned out and put a hand on Garn’s arm. “Had a perfect record, buddy” he corrected with a smile. “We got away once, we can do it again.”  
“That’s because she wasn’t expecting you to punch her. Or to get blown up and shot at by reinforcements.”  
“Well then,” Kaya sighed and smiled crookedly. “Guess we’ll just have to keep doing what she doesn’t expect, and then shoot her again if she shows up.”  
“If she survived at all,” Porter added. “Tig got her pretty good back there when she was going to kill you, Garn!”  
Garn still couldn’t bring himself to feel as lightly about their situation as the humans seem to. From across the room, Tig nodded at him reassuringly. “I will move reverse-engineering the weapon to be higher on my to-do list. If she shows up, we will be armed and ready.”  
“That’s the spirit Tig, shoot her again!” Porter’s laughter was cut short as it broke down into a coughing fit. Garn looked back, alarmed at the strange noise emanating from his friend. He’d sometimes heard prisoners of the Syndicate make sounds like that. As they died. Was Porter dying? Was everything that happened today finally catching up to him?  
Embry must have had the same line of thinking as she offered a bottle of water for him to drink, a concerned expression on her face. “Okay,” she said as he drank between coughs, “I need to know exactly what happened today. Did I hear you say something earlier about Nebbillins? Did they sting you?”  
Porter, now with his coughing fit mostly abated, began recounting what happened after he had started looking for parts for the ship. Garn listened and offered input and additional details once he got to the part where they’d met. Tig excused himself to get working on the warp drive and Captain Kaya sat back and listened intently to the story with Embry.  
As they recounted the day, it hit him again just how much his life had changed in such a short amount of time. The events he was talking about now seemed like they must have been someone else’s story. And yet it was him. It had to be him because it wasn’t anyone else sitting here with three humans on a ship orbiting one of the moons he had looked up at with longing all his life. It was him, not someone else, talking and being listened to by humans who were entranced by what he had to say. He had so many things he wanted to know about them, that he’d always wanted to know and ask, and yet, they wanted to know more about him and what had happened that led him to be here with them now. And not only that, they seemed… they seemed happy with him being there with them. Or at least, Porter did. Embry seemed to be as well, though she was still somewhat wary about him. He wasn’t sure about the Captain. Whenever she looked at him, she seemed to be scanning and analyzing everything there was to know about him, all the while, her expression gave nothing away about what she thought about him. She hadn’t thrown him off the ship though, so that had to mean she liked him well enough, right? He had already made a connection with Porter. That probably helped.  
Despite the events of the day, he found that he actually felt peaceful. Even if the humans didn’t allow him to travel with them and dropped him off at the next opportunity they got, he was still free. He had accomplished what so few dantums ever had. He’d left. He’d done what he always wished he could. He was free to live his own life.  
And he was cautiously optimistic and maybe a bit hopeful that he’d made some new friends that could help him figure out what to do next.


	35. The Prisoner - Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was on a roll with part 3 that I just continued with it. After all the excitement, Garn finally gets a few moments to chill, take a breather, and get to know more about his new crewmates.

The ship was relatively quiet. Or at least as quiet as a ship can be while bumbling around in space. Perhaps the more appropriate description was that the ship was peaceful. Garn decided that he liked peaceful. He wasn’t sure he understood what it was that he was feeling at first, he’d had so few peaceful moments growing up and working under the Syndicate, but once he figured it out, he decided that it was quite agreeable with him. It seemed to be for Porter as well. His smaller human friend had been recovering quickly after their run-in with Maika the assassin back at the Tupiti Space Port. He could now walk on the leg, albeit with a noticeable limp. Thankfully, it hadn’t seemed to affect his bright and energetic personality, much to Garn’s relief.  
Right now though, Porter was asleep. As was Embry, the ship’s medic of sorts. During his time on the ship, he’d been able to piece together a bit more information about his new companions. Embry, he’d learned, had never actually received a medical license. She had training but had never finished. When he inquired more as to why, Embry changed the topic and became much more curt with any further additions to the conversation. Porter was a lot more forthcoming with his backstory. The gist of it was that he’d taken part in some big trading agreement with a private Earth organization and a splinter group from the Bartu Sovereignty that went bad. There’d been some illegal business “under the table” as Porter put it, and he’d been set up as the “fall guy”. The fact that he was a weapons expert and many of the illegal going-ons had to do with the criminal trade of experimental weapons only helped solidify his “guilt” to the authorities that cared. Porter had spent a good part of an entire rotation explaining in great detail how he’d talked, bribed, and fought his way out of the hands of bounty hunters, angry crime lords, sneaking under the radar of law enforcement, and in general living life on the run before he stowed away on The Shasta, this ship, where he met Kaya and Tig.  
Then there were those two. The elder human and the kloxan’s story were still a mystery to him. All he’d really gotten to know so far was that they’d been part of a Galactic Confederation crew together. Garn didn’t know much about the Galactic Confederation, other they were considered a continual, pestering antagonist of the Trinn-Har’rups. He’d guarded prisoners of the GC captured by the Syndicate before they faced an unknown, though likely grisly, punishment for the crime of standing in the Syndicate’s way.  
Garn felt that among the ranks of guards and soldiers, the Galactic Confederation and those that aligned with them were thought of to be pretentious, power-hungry manipulators. He’d always been around that sentiment, so he never questioned it before. He’d had no need to. Now he was on a ship that had two of them as acting captain and first-mate. Granted they were former Galactic Confederation, so maybe that old profile didn’t fit them. After all, he was now a former guard of the Trinn-Har’rup Syndicate, the stigmas tied up with him probably no longer fit so well either.  
And anyway, Porter stayed with them, so they couldn’t be so bad.  
Garn rose from the small pile of blankets, pillows, and towels that was currently acting as his bed. Porter had Embry help him scour the ship for as many soft fabrics and items that could be spared to make a spot for Garn to sleep until they could install an actual bed for him. It was nice, but he’d never slept on anything so soft before. Comfortable as it was, between the unaccustomed softness and the overall unfamiliarity that surrounded him, he’d had a hard time finding sleep. As carefully and quietly as he could, he made his way out of the sleeping quarters and down the short hall toward the main hangar room he’d been in when he’d first entered the ship.  
The ship was old, but he had to admit that it had been well kept and he’d almost say lovingly maintained. He gave a small half-smile as his eyes ran over the designs in and around the ship. They were outdated. He might even call them antiquated. He liked it though. It felt right and… well he wasn’t sure how else to describe it. Inviting? Warm? Graceful? It was… he felt… like he could belong here. And that made him all the happier.  
As he shuffled into the main room, he stood for a moment before he sat down on a bench along the wall to continue processing his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there like that, listening to the hum of the ship’s engines and systems when he heard a small quiet grunt to his left. Snapping his eyes open, he searched in the darkness for the source.  
His eyes caught a glint of movement from a chair. He felt his fur rise as he instinctively anticipated having to defend himself from an attack. None came though. His brain finally took in what his eyes were trying to see. There was no secret attacker, just human Kaya sitting in a very regal-looking chair. His fur dropped back down and he sighed a breath of relief.  
“Sorry I startled you,” Kaya chuckled quietly. Garn could see her shoulders bounce slightly as she shifted in her chair. His eyes ran down her arm. Or where her arm had been. He’d been right earlier that day they’d first met. She hadd stopped what she must have thought was him going to attack Embry. The prosthetic he’d seen her wearing that day and every day since was now no longer attached. Her arm ended just above where her elbow should have been.  
After a few tries, he was able to successfully look away. It was hard though. He’d heard humans were capable of surviving attacks or accidents even after losing a limb, but it had seemed like such a far-fetched tale that he wasn’t sure if he’d believed it. The shock alone of having lost a body part was enough to kill many species, but humans, as he now knew, were hardy and stubborn when it came to staying alive and continuing on.  
“I… I didn’t realize you were here. I’m sorry I disturbed you,” he murmured as he stood up, feeling like he had intruded on something he shouldn’t have.  
“You’re fine, Garn. Sit back down.” It wasn’t a command, it came out softer, like an invitation. He paused and considered that. An invitation. He slowly nodded and sat back down.  
“Having a hard time sleeping too, huh?” the human sighed as she leaned further back in her chair.  
Garn nodded sharply, then unsure how well humans could see in the dark followed up with a curt, “Yes ma’am.”  
Kaya laughed again. “I told you before, you don’t need to call me ma’am.”  
“Sorry ma-... uh, sorry. I will try to remember better.”  
“It’s okay. I’m sure it’s what you’re used to. I, for one, know old habits die hard.” Her tone was soft and quiet. So unlike the interactions and reprimandings he was accustomed to in his life up to this point.   
He settled down a little more, muscles finally starting to drop their worried tension as the two of them sat in the darkness. He eventually relaxed enough that he felt comfortable to break the silence.  
“Are you… are you having a hard time sleeping ma- uh, human Kaya?”  
She didn’t laugh this time, but Garn could hear the quiet smile in her voice, “We’ll get you through all your formalities yet.” She sighed and stroked her hand over where her left arm ended. “I am. Just some old phantom pains acting up again.”  
“Phantom pains?” That sounded serious. Should he go wake Embry?  
The worry in his voice must have been picked up because Kaya gently waved him back down as she reached to the counter and picked up a dark mug and sat back in her chair. “My arm may be gone, but sometimes my brain forgets. Sometimes it feels like my arm itches, sometimes it hurts, or at least my brain thinks it does. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to, but still more than I’d like. Especially when I’ve got a lot on my mind.”  
She sipped slowly from the mug in her hand. Whatever was in it smelled sweet and calming. Kaya noticed him watching as she lowered the cup and rested it on her lap.  
“Mint tea,” she explained. “It helps. Or at least, enjoying a warm cup of it helps me take my mind off the pain.”  
Garn nodded silently, not sure what to say. He wasn’t sure what the etiquette was for this situation. He couldn’t take his eyes off her arm and where it ended, but he also knew that for many species, staring for too long at a person could be considered a challenge to a duel, or at least considered rude. Kaya didn’t seem to notice though, more focused on the mug in her hand.  
“I brewed it myself,” She continued. “We’ve got a room here on the ship that we’ve filled with plants. It helps keep the air fresh, takes a bit of the strain off the o2 systems. That and sitting in the room or taking care of all the plants helps keep star sickness at bay.”  
“Star sickness?” Garn cut in, unfamiliar with the term.  
“Void sickness, star sickness, planet separation anxiety, there’s a lot of names for it. It’s not so much a physical sickness, but a mental one. I don’t know how many space-faring races have to deal with it, but it affects humans pretty frequently. It can get pretty nasty too, if it’s not dealt with. I make sure Porter, Embry, and I each spend a chunk of time in the plant room pretty regularly. It’s grounding. And relaxing. Smells nice too. A lot of the plants are, of course, good at filtering the air of impurities, but quite a few of them smell nice. Like the mint, for instance.” She took another sip from the mug and chuckled. “Even Tig likes going in there sometimes. You would think he’d find the humidity levels a pain on the circuits, but he says it doesn’t bother him. I think he finds the plants interesting. Sometimes I notice him laser etching bamboo stalks on packaging scraps when he’s bored.”  
Garn hummed and nodded. He’d seen the kloxan do that too. Thinking of him and the human next to him now, he again started wondering at how different they were than what he’d always expected of someone from the Galactic Confederation. Just even in the past few solar rotations, the hard, no-nonsense shell he’d immediately attributed to her when they first met was actually more just her being firm and strong when needed, but thoughtful and gentle at her base. He’d learned so much in such a short amount of time. The galaxy was such a bigger place than he’d ever thought, so much more detailed and nuanced. It had all been so cut and dry and simple when all he knew was what the Syndicate told him. He exhaled deeply as he leaned his head back to rest against the wall.  
“That’s quite the sigh,” Kaya noted. “Got a lot on your mind?”  
Garn grunted an affirmative. Kaya sat silently as if waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, she leaned her head back to rest against her chair and they both sat silently for a while.  
Garn’s mind was racing, and at the same time, it felt like it was stuck in a sticky zawki pit. His thoughts were starting to run into each other and stretch or slow down until nothing was making sense anymore. Maybe he should return to the sleep quarters and try again to get some rest. He looked over to the human who also looked like she was having trouble with her thoughts.  
“If I may ask,” he asked quietly so as to not startle her, “what made you want to leave the Galactic Confederation?”  
Kaya tilted her head down to consider him a moment. Even in the darkness, he could see the lines around her eyes pull.   
“I left,” she began and thought about it a moment, “I left to find my husband.”  
Garn wasn’t sure what that meant, so he waited unmoving until she finally continued. Her voice was slow and deliberate, like she was carefully picking through every word.  
“We… we were on a scouting mission and there was… an accident. We were separated. I was, well, I was recovered, but he wasn’t.” She paused again and looked down into her mug. Or maybe at her arm, Garn wasn’t sure. “I tried to convince them to go after him. They said he was gone. I appealed. I appealed again and again to higher and higher powers, but I kept getting nos. They told me he was gone and that trying to… recover him would… that it wasn’t worth the risk. He was a good man.” She frowned and looked up sharply. “He is a good man. I think he’s still out there. He survived. I can feel it. And I decided I was going to get him, by myself if I had to. Tig was on our crew as well. He’s been... a dear friend. Both to Ahmad and I before, and now. He believed me. He came along to help me find Ahmad.”   
She looked back up at Garn. “Since we left the GC, we’ve found evidence that we were right, that he made it out alive. We just need to find him. And along the way, we’ve picked up a few other lost souls.”  
Garn matched her gaze as he listened and thought on the information. She was on a mission. He, well, he was now for all intents and purposes, a fugitive on the run. Other than staying alive, he had no real plans, no goals. What was he going to do now? He must have spoken his question out loud before he realized it, because Kaya cocked her head and gave a small chuckle in response.  
“What are you going to do indeed, dantum? I think that’s what everyone has to figure out. Until you do, though, I suppose you can tag along with us for a while.” She took another sip of her tea before she set it back down on the counter. “After all, it’s not like we’d be able to get rid of ya any time soon. Porter’s gotten attached.” She smiled and gave a short hum, “and I think you’d make a decent enough late-night conversationalist. Granted, you do need a little more practice.”  
Garn felt a flicker of surprise and returned the smile. He’d like that. Here on this antiquated but cozy ship, surrounded by terrifying but welcoming aliens, he thought he’d really like that.


	36. Dark vs Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this short over 3 years ago, but I forgot to post it here. Better late than never, I guess.

Ranagar: Why are we even entertaining this? She’s a human!

Basilus: Yes, hard to get past that.

There’s an awkward silence as the Guardians look down at Annalyn, the Green-Lantern-to-be.

Ganthet: …I’m afraid the human race does not have the most stellar reputation.

Ranagar: Humans are base, rude, and untrustworthy!

Ganthet: You can’t condemn an entire species!

Ranagar: Oh, no? You’ve said it yourself, Ganthet, it’s amazing they’ve lasted as long as they have. Would you like me to list their atrocities? Maybe this human can help us fill in that list? Their entire history is full of nothing but unspeakable madness!

Annalyn: Excuse me, but where are you getting your information about my people? What do you know of the human race?

The Guardians look down at her, surprised. After a moment, Ranagar waves a hand over a panel. 3-D images appear in the middle of the room. Images of planes flying low over a smoking city appear. They drop bombs which leave trails of bright explosions behind.  
The scene changes. Soldiers run into the hologram, yelling, signaling. They look scared. They move in closer to a building. Then everything explodes in a blast of dirt, sand, and fire.  
The scene changes again. This time, everything looks older. A little boy wearing what look like rags stands in a destroyed jungle village. Lost. Crying.  
Several more images appear quickly. Some from far-flung history, some in recent memory. All human. All terrible.

Ranagar: There. What proof more do we need? Humans are not fit to join the Green Lanterns. They do not represent what we stand for and are capable of little more than senseless violence.

Worried murmurs break out between the Guardians and other alien onlookers. Anna steps forward into the holograms still displaying dark moments of human history. The images flicker and go out. The hall falls silent.

Annalyn: I can’t deny that humans are capable of what you say. I can’t because what you say is the truth. Human beings are capable of incredible violence, blinding rage, and despicable cowardice. The darkest of dark deeds, the lowest of the low. But I must say, you overlook something extremely important.

Ranagar: And what might that be?

Annalyn: As low and as dark as humanity may reach, it’s also capable of equally high and noble acts. You show images of war, but you don’t show images of those who risk their lives to save others from peril, or to offer relief to those in peril. You show images of people suffering, but you do not show images of humans comforting and loving those in need. There are people who would give you the coat off their back if they thought you might be cold. There are those who are willing to sacrifice everything they have to make someone else’s life better.

Annalyn: There is a saying where I come from, that if you look for the bad in mankind, you will surely find it. It’s easy to find because it’s loud. It’s easy for you because that’s what you want to see in us. Good is sometimes harder to find because most of the time, it doesn’t want to be noticed or to be praised. It wants to remain anonymous, to do good and make the world a better place to live in, and just live their lives in peace. There may be darkness, but there’s a dang lot of light too!

Another ripple of murmurs and whispers break out in the hall. A loud CRACK interrupts the noise.

Ranagar: ENOUGH! Even if what you say is true, humans are still capable of evil acts. What do you have to say to that?!

There is a long moment of silence before Annalyn responds.

Annalyn: …Well… humans aren’t a star-faring people yet. We haven’t had a chance to spread our “evil acts” to the far reaches of the galaxy. And yet, an organization like the Green Lantern Corp exists. I’m assuming there’s a need? …(silence)… Apparently humans aren’t the only ones “capable” of dark acts. It’s like Ganthet said, you can’t condemn an entire species!

Ganthet looks smugly over to Ranagar, whose wrinkled face scrunches into a deeper frown.

Ganthet: Well then, if there are no more objections?… No?… Good. Annalyn may keep the Green Lantern ring that has chosen her as a worthy bearer and will begin training as the first Human Green Lantern!

Applause and cheers erupt from those assembled in the hall. A few aliens walk/crawl up to Annalyn to introduce themselves.  
The Guardians remain in their chairs, whispering to each other. Ganthet smirks down their podium down at Ranagar, who responds with a scowl before floating away and down a corridor behind them.

Ganthet (whispering to himself): I like the spunk of this human. I hope we will be able to recruit more in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while since I’ve watched it, but I was thinking about an animated Green Lantern movie. I like it, but there are a couple of parts that bug me. It’s something that is actually in a lot of alien movies/shows. It’s the part where the aliens explain that humans are evil and war-like. They show clips of bombs being dropped, troops marching into battle, war-torn villages, and crying victims. In Green Lantern, the Guardians are very reluctant to have anything to do with such a violent and primitive race. I really disliked how Hal Jordan (or actually, the writers of the show) handled the situation. I’d like to change it up.
> 
> Side note: I wrote this over 3 years ago and didn't realize I never moved it over here to ao3, so here it is now.


	37. Lightning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This is a video I found on YT](https://youtu.be/6b2f7L-EyLM) with a lot of the same clips of lightning strikes that I saw on [tumblr](https://thewildwaffle.tumblr.com/post/637525335011999744/poppetawoppet-nicasiosilang-static-testament). Someone had commented that it's amazing that we continue to live on this planet despite how scary lightning can be, you know, like a bunch of psychopaths. And you know, how true that is... and it prompted me to write this.

Bannat had long ago grown bored of this excursion. He sighed loudly for all to hear as he found a new place to sit. He was ignored, just like he had been every time he’d gotten restless, got up to walk around a bit, then sat back down in a new spot. The team of humans he was accompanying were far too focused on their various tasks to pay him much heed after the first dozen or so times he had done this.

He’d heard so many times that humans often got into trouble on planet-side excursions like this because they were easily distracted. They’d see some cute “kitty” and want to pet the dangerous local fauna, take samples of venomous flora that could kill several races on contact, or they’d wander off and climb up impossibly steep rock faces where one small slip could send them to their deaths. That’s just what humans did! They flaunted their strength and survival skills as they flirted with death, leaving their terrified and/or amazed crewmates to watch on and recount the tales of what happened later.

When Bannat had heard he was assigned to this planet-side survey team, he had done his best to hide his excitement. He’d always been so jealous when he’d heard others tell their “human stories.” Everyone always hung on to every word the teller would say, commend them for their levelheadedness, and even after the story was told, would show the crewmate a special level of respect that the young sefra desperately craved.

It was just his luck that he’d been put on a team of humans that were actually very focused on their tasks and seemed set on abiding by established work, survey, and safety protocols. How boring.

He’d been quick to gather soil and rock samples when they’d first arrived. After all, the faster he got his work done, the more time he’d have to watch what shenanigans his human companions got into. That left him with all his tasks done in the first forty-six moortiks and no shenanigans to watch. He had thought he’d see some action when human Mei had come across a herd of large, wooly, long-necked quadrupeds while he’d been accompanying her on gathering samples. Surely she’d want to go pet or coo at them. At the very least, sneak in closer to get a better look at them. But no. She held position and watched them go by. She did pull out her comm device and took a few pictures to document them. It was only after they left that she moved on, gathering information about the creatures from paw prints and droppings.

So now here he sat by the shuttle waiting for the last of the survey team to wrap things up so he could go back to the ship without a single good human story to tell. What’s more, the sky had clouded over and it looked like it was going to rain. He frowned at the sky. He hadn’t been given any instruction to bring rain gear. It was supposed to be a bright sunny day. Partially cloudy at the most if currents pulled some down from along the equator. Even then, it was obvious that the small pressure system they’d seen from orbit was not the source of this storm. 

“Are you getting this?” Human Peter yelled to Kerri as he checked the barometer. Kerri looked up from the instruments she’d been manning.

“This is crazy! I’ve never seen a storm rise up this fast before!” She kept looking back down and around to make sure she was reading everything correctly. “This is almost unheard of! We’re recording that the...” she paused as she double-checked a certain readout.

Bannat watched as the color seemed to drain out of Kerri’s face. What had spooked her? What was going on?

“Maria! Get down!” Kerri yelled. Maria, who had stationed herself on an outcropping to get a good shot while recording the clouds rolling in looked back in confusion. She had taken only half a step when, from even Bannat’s distance, he could see loose hairs on her head rise up and float in mid-air. She also noticed and immediately started running.

She’d only gotten a few steps when a blinding light flashed a few lengths behind her accompanied by an ear-splitting, core-rattling BOOM! Bannat swore he could feel the air push him as it vibrated with the crack of thunder. He wasn’t sure who or how many of his crewmates screamed, but he was pretty sure he was one of them. A nearby tree cracked and groaned as it’s bark exploded, raining the woody shrapnel down everywhere.

Bannat panted heavily as he waited for his ears to stop ringing. He slowly picked himself up from the ground where he had thrown himself instinctively for cover. He looked around at his crew mates who appeared to be equally shell-shocked as they tried to re-orient themselves.

“Maria!”

More than one voice had yelled the name at the same time. Bannat looked and saw both Kerri and Peter rushing toward where Maria had been. He felt like his gut dropped off a cliff. Human Maria was on the ground and wasn’t moving. Garrund biet, the only other non-human on the team ran back to the shuttle and grabbed the first aid kit. Finally snapping out of his shocked daze, Bannat ran forward to see if he could do anything to help.

Human Kerri was already running through first-aid protocols, rolling Maria onto her back and checking vitals.

“Maria, Maria! Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Much to Bannat’s and everyone’s relief, Maria’s face moved in response as she grimaced and groaned. She was alive! Oh bless the stars!

"Maria, can you move? We need to get to a safer spot.”

Maria nodded, and between Peter and Kerri, she was carefully moved away from the outcropping and back to the shuttle.

“What... what happened,” Maria was able to make out in a shaky voice when she was set down delicately once aboard.

“You were struck by lightning,” Kerri explained as Peter and Garrund rummaged through the first aid kit and handed anything to her that may be helpful. Anything that Kerri didn’t need right away, she passed to Bannat to hold. “You were struck by lightning and survived. How do you feel about that?”

The ghost of a smile passed over Maria’s face before it was over-taken again by a grimace. “My arm hurts.”

Kerri turned back to Bannat and pointed to the small scissors he was holding. He passed them back to her and watched as Kerri cautiously cut through the fabric on the arm Maria indicated. 

As the cloth and light armor was peeled back, Bannat gasped. Starting somewhere under her shoulder, red angry blisters were already forming in long fractal patterns down almost the entirety of her arm.

Peter whistled a long descending note. “That’s going to be quite the scar.”

Kerri nodded and sighed. “And quite the story to go with it. You survived being struck by lightning. Freak lightning. On an alien planet. How are you feeling?”

“Well, I’m... not dead,” Maria nodded and gave a few short exhales that might have been some attempt at a chuckle. Bannat’s jaw dropped. She’d just been struck by lightning and was trying to laugh about it.

“We need to get you back to the ship. Have the medics make sure you stay not dead,” Kerri sighed and looked back to the open door of the shuttle. “Peter, get Mei and Troy back here immediately. Bannat, send a message to the Captain. Let her know what happened. This storm front came out of nowhere. We need to get back to the ship, but I don’t know if we should risk flying through it or not. Ask her how she wants us to proceed. Garrund, help me with Maria’s arm.”

Bannat hustled to the shuttle’s console and opened a communication request to their ship’s bridge. As he waited for a a response, he looked back to his teammates who were all working on their newly-given tasks as if they were just following basic protocol and not recovering and trying to regroup after such a terrifying ordeal.

It was just his luck that he’d been put on a team of humans that were actually very focused, experienced, and level-headed. Thankfully, it appeared that no one was seriously injured. Maria would be okay, despite being struck by freak lightning, and Bannat now had a very interesting “human story” to tell when he got back.


	38. Cliff Jumping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is actually another older story that I'd written quite a while ago but had forgotten about. Here it is now, just for you!

Mentik looked dubiously over the cliff. This had been a mistake. He really should have figured it would be. Tagging along with humans while on surface-leave usually was.

Two humans, Jay and Carrie were already in the water below while Kellan and Shen stood behind him, still up on the rocks. Mentik had been surprised when he learned that humans could swim. They certainly didn’t look like they would be semi-aquatic - long arms and legs with no fins or webbed feet, no tail, no gills, nothing that seemed to say, “Hey, I can survive in water.” So when he overheard the humans on his crew talking about their plans to come down to this small mountain lake, his curiosity got the best of him.

Maybe he should have listened to that human saying about curiosity…

“You gonna go?” Jay called up from the water. Both humans down in the lake were smiling and sweeping their arms around to keep afloat. Mentik watched mesmerized as Carrie stopped “churning” the water with her arms and legs and leaned back, spreading her entire body out on the surface of the water. They could float?

Well, that did explain some things.

He looked back to the two humans still waiting up on the rocks behind him. “Are you sure this is safe? Shouldn’t you enter the water from a lower location?” Like the beach, he thought to himself.

“Well there is a lower spot over there,” Shen pointed to a ledge to their left. When he had followed the humans up here, he had passed that spot thinking it would be the highest they dared climb. But, these were humans he was dealing with. He should have known better. Shen pointed from the ledge to down at the water below it, “The problem is that the rocks are shallow down there. It’s not safe if you don’t jump out far enough. Plus,” he stepped back to get a running start, “It’s more fun from up here!”

Mentik watched in frozen horror as Shen leaped off the ledge and started rotating backward. He was going to hit the water head first! He was going to watch his crewmate die a gruesome death! His mind raced - how were they going to get his body out of there? What would they say to the captain? Why were humans like this?!

But Shen continued to rotate as he fell. By the time he was at the surface, his feet were once again underneath him and he disappeared in a splash of water and bubbles. The other three humans yelled out and laughed as Shen’s head surfaced a few feet away, congratulating him and then beckoning Kellan and Mentik to join them.

Kellan crouched down next to Mentik, putting an arm on his shoulder as humans do as a comforting gesture. “It’s okay if you don’t want to jump, don’t feel pressured to do it. We’re all here to have fun. We won’t judge you if you’d rather ease yourself in by the beach.”

Mentik took a deep breath as he looked down - it seemed like they were so far above the lake. That didn’t stop Human Kellan, who stood back up and with two short steps, lept off the rocky cliff with a loud yell.

How do they just… jump off it like that? It was madness, probably. With everything else he knew about humans and how weird they could be, it might as well be madness. Mentik shook his head disbelievingly as he carefully climbed back down the path he and the humans had climbed up earlier. Well, he supposed that even if he didn’t jump in, he could still enjoy “beach day” while he could.

He’d seen images of Earth beaches before, large sandy expanses between the ocean and the rest of the land. This wasn’t the ocean. The land was made of steep rocky mountains. The “beach” was a patch of sand and small gravel in between the native brush and boulders. Still, it was a much safer point of entry into the lake. Not wanting to be left out of the fun that the swimming humans seemed to be having, he hurried into the waters. It was steep. In only a few steps, he was up to his midriff in water. Cold water. COLD WATER! Oh by all things bright and shining in the galaxy, it was COLD!!!

In less time it takes a starved Krincharge to devour a piplum berry, Mentik was out of there and back onshore. Way onshore. Way away from the FREEZING DEATH TRAP!

“Mentik, you okay bud?”  
“Hey, you alright?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it!”

Get used to it? Mentik guffawed. Get used to it? In the time it took to acclimate, the extreme temperature change could kill! What the frewan were they thinking?! “How can you swim in that? It’s so cold!”

“Just give it a bit, you’ll start feeling warmer after you’re in for a bit.” Based off the way that Shen was still gasping, he hadn’t warmed up yet.

“I’m already used to it,” Jay smugly circled around in the water. “Feels great to me! Then again, I grew up in mountains like this. Basically lived in swimming holes like this all summer.”

Maybe I should have stuck with Winden and the others for surface-leave today, Mentik thought to himself. They'd apparently gone to a "rodeo" or something like that. Sounded a lot safer than jumping in deathly cold water. He sat down on a rock and watched the humans splash and play in the water. Well, they seemed to be okay. They even got out a few times and climbed up to the cliff and jumped off again. 

After a while, Mentik did venture to the water’s edge again. There were little fish swimming around in the shallows. They were fascinating. How did they live in such cold water all the time? Earth-life did it's best to find a way, he supposed. He stuck his arm in a few times, but he could never keep still enough to not scare the fish. He kept pulling his arm back out so it could warm up in the sun. The sun, at least felt nice. Mmm... very nice. And between watching the small fish and the humans, there was plenty of entertainment. He relaxed a bit and felt himself get a bit drowsy. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Humans are weird, he thought, and their ideas of ‘fun’ are weird, but at least they know how to have a nice, relaxing beach day.


	39. Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again Mama_Bear for leaving this as a prompt! I thought I had already made an Earth-Galactic Standard year ratio in Abduction, but I couldn't find it. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Anyway, I looked up year ratios of earth-like exoplanets and 2/3 to 3/4ish of a year seemed to be a pretty popular ratio, so I went with it. Will I stick with it in the future? Who's to say?

When humans throw a party, they don’t mess around. Or well, they do, that’s like half the point of their parties most of the time. What they don’t mess around with is the planning, preparation, and all-out general excitement and energy that goes into their parties. Scarsels, they'd only gotten halfway through the setup and decorating for Human Dana’s party and it seemed like it would be almost as much fun as the party itself!  
The special occasion this time was to commemorate the anniversary of Human Dana’s birth. When Peterrias was first told about the party plans, he'd been a bit blown away by just how much of everything there was. His people celebrated the anniversary of their hatching day, sure, but it was usually more of a happy acknowledgment of the day itself and of the life lived to that point rather than a formal festivity. Excited to be a part of such an important Earth culture custom, he had volunteered to help get things set up.  
There was a lot more that went into a human birthday party than he realized.  
At first, he'd gone with Human Jackson to help make the refreshments and treats that would be available to guests. He'd spent a little bit of time cutting up fresh vegetables that were edible for everyone on the crew to eat and arrange them on a colorful platter. That didn’t take long to do, but by the time he had it done, all the food preparation tasks that involved working with “safe” ingredients had already been taken.  
Not wanting to be in the way of preparations there, Peterias had wandered back to the main rec hall where the party decorations were at that point well underway. The humans had requisitioned party supplies the last time they’d stopped in a port with a half-decent market. Earth wares, as popular as they’ve become, were pretty easy to find, even very specific items like balloons, streamers, and a large pack of funny-looking conical hats.  
Garubi sefra and human Jieun were setting up the streamers now. They twisted the thin strips of colorful paper into beautiful, swirling, drapes that swept from one side of the room to the other. He paused to take in the sight for a moment. There was something familiar about it all, but he couldn’t figure out why. Anyway, it was a lovely scene. Humans really did go all out. Or maybe this was just a good outlet for them to vent any pent-up creativity and partying they’d been holding in for the past few partecs aboard the ship. He suspected a combination of both.  
“Is there anything I can do to help here,” he approached the decorators. Human Jieun was having to climb up and down a step ladder to reach high enough to place the streamers. Peterias was one of the few crewmates aboard that stood taller than humans. That with his long arms and great reach, this seemed like the perfect job for him.  
With a little explanation, a few hijinks that went on while figuring out how to not get the tape to stick to him, he had the entire hall “decked out” as Jieun declared. There was still about half a roll of the decorative paper leftover. He watched it as he bounced it in his hand, smiling as it dawned on him why it looked so familiar to him. It looked just like a popular candy he enjoyed when he was a young hatchling. Wouldn’t it just be like humans to use pretty sweets as decorations? He had to admit, it was kind of a fun idea to multitask like that. Making sure no one was watching, he snuck a tentative nibble at the paper. It was absolutely disgusting. Definitely not a sweet ribbon! Oh, by the stars, it was so bitter!  
“Did you just try eating the crepe paper?” Jieun clapped a hand on Peterias’ shoulder as he came up from behind. “I’d guess from your face that it wasn’t very good!”  
“Pleah! Pleh… I… uh, you… you saw that?”  
He figured Jieun’s laughter was enough affirmation.  
“To be fair,” Garubi came to Peterias’ aide, “when I first saw the streamers, I thought they looked like large rolls of sweet ribbon as well.”  
Jieun’s smile remained as large as ever. “Yeah, but you didn’t try eating it!”  
Garubi took the remainder of the streamer roll from Peterias and went to put it away. “Not when you were looking,” Peterias heard the sefra mutter quietly before he got too far.  
Even though the room was already looking very festive, humans do not mess around when it comes to throwing parties. He helped Jieun and a few others set up some games and activities for the party. Once again, many hands might light work and the only thing left to do, so Jieun said, was blow up a few more balloons.  
“Thanks for helping set up though, I really do appreciate it. Dana’s going to love this! She has no idea we’ve got this planned, I can’t wait to see the look on her face!”  
“Glad to be included in such an important celebration of life,” Peterias closed his eyes and nodded to return for Jieun’s smile. “I am also very excited about the party. If I may ask, do you know how many years Dana is marking today?”  
“Uh, well, she’s turning thirty-seven in Earth years. I’d have to do the math to convert that to galactic standardized. I know doing that would make it a fraction of some sort.”  
Peterias tilted his head trying to recall what he knew about Earth. Their day cycles fell into an average length among inhabited homeworlds. The way they divided their days was a little funny but close enough that many humans had no problem converting to galactic standardized times. Years though, years seemed a little long to him, though he couldn’t remember the conversion rate right at the moment. Still, even if they weren’t too far off of GS time, thirty-seven was quite the number! He hadn’t realized Dana was a senior citizen!  
“That’s amazing,” Peterias’ voice was excited but respectful. “Do you think she’ll stay on the crew much longer then?”  
“Uh, yeah, I mean I don’t know what she’s planning, but I’d think so. I mean, why wouldn’t she?”  
“Well,” Peterias wasn’t completely sure how best to say this without sounding offensive or rude. He’d heard humans could be touchy about their ages later on in life. “Won’t she… won’t she want to retire soon?”  
Half of Jieun’s face scrunched up to make a funny expression. “Retire? Why would she want to do that?”  
“Um, well, you know… as most species age, they find this line of work to start becoming… uh, well a bit too demanding on… uh… elderly bodies?”  
Jieun stared at him without saying anything that Peterias started worrying that he had broken some human taboo about talking about getting old.  
“Dude. Dana’s turning thirty-seven, not eighty-seven. And even if she was, I still don’t think she’d retire. Have you seen her on duty? That lady loves blasting asteroids.”  
Jieun chuckled as if recalling a memory as he grabbed a rubber balloon and began forcing air into it through his mouth. As Peterias watched the blue shape grow in size, something Jieun said finally clicked.  
“Wait, eighty-seven? Do humans live that long?!”  
Jieun removed the balloon from his lips and tied the end so the air wouldn’t escape. “Well, I mean, with proper diet and exercise, a bit of good luck and good genes, yeah. I mean nowadays, it’s not too crazy to see people living and even being fairly active into their hundreds.”  
“What?!” Jieun had to be joking. Humans loved playing practical jokes. He kept waiting for his crewmate’s face to break into a wide grin and laugh at his attempt to “pull his leg” as the human saying went. As the tiks went by though, Jieun didn’t back down from his bold statement and instead started blowing up another balloon.  
“Oh,” Peterias shook his head. “Oh how silly of me. I forgot about the year ratio. Earth must circumnavigate it’s star fairly quickly. There for a bit, I thought you were saying humans could live for over 100 galactic standard years.”  
Jieun opened his mouth and let the half-filled balloon propel itself around the room wildly. “Uh, yeah, we can. Easily. I think the ratio is like, uh just a little over two-thirds of an Earth year for every galactic standardized year. Something like that? If we’re talking SG years, 130 is around the average life expectancy. 180’s getting up there. I think the oldest living human right now is pushing 195 SG years or something like that.”  
Shivers ran down Peterias’ whole body. He felt the proto-feathers along his spine rise up. He felt like he was frozen in place as his brain used 100% of its capacity to try to process what he’d just been told. There was no way. He’d have known about this before, right? Of all the rumors that flew around about humans, this would have been one of them, right? He kept waiting for a punchline, for Jieun’s nonchalant facade to drop and for him to start laughing at the hilarious joke he’d been trying to get Peterias to believe.  
But it didn’t happen. He wasn’t joking.  
Instead, Jieun held out his hand. “Let me see, I guess that would make Dana....” His fingers went up and down as he calculated, “Oh, a little over sixty I guess. In SG, that is.” He then went to retrieve the balloon he’d let escape before and proceeded to blow it up again, tying it off this time.  
Peterias just stood there, still frozen. He watched the human continue to put the final touches of decorations around the room. How old was Jieun? He saw human Jackson enter the room, being helped by several other crewmates as they carried in platters of prepared party snacks. How old was he? How old were any of the other human crewmates aboard the ship? How much had they seen and how much life had they lived even before they stepped aboard the ship?  
He was finally pulled out of his frozen state as everyone scrambled to hiding spots. Realizing he was still standing in the middle of the room, Garubi came up behind him and led him to a spot where he could crouch behind a chair.  
“Come on, they said part of the celebration is to jump out and surprise the birthday celebrant when they arrive at their party.”  
Peterias allowed themselves to be pulled along and even made sure to tuck their tail in closely so as to hide better behind the chair. It was futile, he was too large, but thinking on that right now seemed beyond his capabilities.  
Dana was indeed surprised when she arrived. She screamed, out of shock at first, then in delight. There was a lot of laughter, music, and talking, and a surprising amount of very bad, off-key singing to a very repetitive song. It felt almost like visiting a harvest festival back home, so happy and celebratory! Except unlike the festivals, this was for one person. Before, it might have seemed a bit excessive, even by human standards. Now he realized that with this celebration of life, there was a lot of life to celebrate.  
The planning and preparation that had gone into the party was well worth the effort. Peterias hadn’t had as much fun in some time. It wasn’t any one particular game they played or amusing story that was told that made it so much fun. It was more just, how happy everyone was. The humans, especially Dana, just seemed to radiate a warm happy energy that was particularly infectious. Peterias smiled as he watched Jackson get animated as he recounted an adventure he’d had as a youth on Earth. It was, of course, a story about him doing something dangerous and how he got out of it, and he had several delighted crewmates hanging onto every word. Peterias, chuckled as a thought came to him while watching the scene. Humans live such long lives. He’d had no idea. He supposed that some, after hearing Jackson’s story and knowing what ridiculous antics humans got into on the regular, might postulate that humans live so long because death itself is hesitant to claim them.   
As he looked around the room though, he caught eyes with human Dana who smiled that strange warm, and slightly scary way that humans do. She held up her hands together to form a shape that he’d been told was a symbol of love and mouthed the words “thank you” to him. Peterias nodded and smiled back.  
His mind started wandering again. Somewhere in his brain, the new information of human’s life spans was being put together with other tales and warnings he’d ever heard about them like puzzle pieces.  
That’s why everyone’s always worried about offending humans. They have such long lives that they could hold grudges for what would be lifetimes for other races.  
That’s why they’re so good at multitasking or will often come onto crews with multiple advanced skills. They have plenty of time to hone their talents.  
That’s why they can be so forgetful at times. They have a lot of life stored in their memories.  
There was a large collection of gasps and laughter from the crowd around Jackson as he finished up his story. Soon, Dana took over as the next storyteller about one of her own fool-hardy enterprises she’d had once. It wasn’t quite as much of an adventurous tale as Jackson’s had been, but it was a good story and she told it well. Peterias smiled as he listened in.  
He was glad humans lived so long, for a lot of reasons. Maybe those who half-joked when they said that death was afraid to claim humans were right. They certainly were a handful in the realm of the living, they’d probably continue to be a handful in the realm beyond. In any case, whatever the reason may be, he was glad he’d have his friends around for a long time.


	40. Friends with Monsters - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested idea from SkellyWeirdo. I hope I got what you were thinking. I couldn't incorporate everything all at once, but fret not! I will definitely be revisiting this story and crew in the future, but I'm going to post this as it is now because I feel like anything else would belong in a separate chapter.

One would perhaps think that as the first mate, the captain might deign to give Geta the slightest hint of reasoning for their latest addition to the crew. Or at least, that’s what First Mate Geta Erenti thought.   
Adding an arzhi?! To the crew?! Did the captain want everyone to die a gruesome death?! The incidents at the Oshe’al Belt weren’t so long ago that they’d been lost to memory, and the arzhi had played a major part in the brutal battle, both in space and planetside warfare. They were large and imposing, on average standing head, shoulders, and chest above even the tallest biet, human, or thrishal. They were covered in short fur, spikes, and dense muscle that tore relentlessly through ground troops, and reacted quickly with any manner of weapons or at the control of a fighter ship. There were members of this very crew that had been part of the battle. There were even more members of this very crew that had lost people they knew in that battle.  
And yet when Captain Stern Bauer sent her the updated ship roster, there was an arzhi on the list of new recruits. Not only that, but they were listed as a new ship medic!  
Geta went immediately to find the captain. He was on break in the mess hall, eating a bowl of brenntar like he hadn’t a care among the stars.  
“Captain Stern, sir, do you have a moment that I could speak with you?”  
The Captain sighed and put down his eating utensils. “I think I already know what you’re here to talk to me about and I would like to point out that the roster has already been posted and the new recruits are already en route to our coordinates. No, there is nothing I can do to change that, and even if there were, I wouldn’t.”  
Geta held her beak shut tightly before a few words escaped that she’d regret saying. She’d served under Captain Stern long enough to know to hear and recognize the tone of his voice. He’d made a decision and that was that.  
“But why?” Geta finally said once she felt she could contain herself once again. “Why would you put together the roster with… with them on it without at least consulting me?”  
“I’ve made plenty of rosters on my own before. You and I both know you would have taken issue with Arzhi Fehl’s inclusion.”  
“Of course I do! And for good reasons! At least then I could have perhaps pointed out that having an arzhi aboard this ship could lead to a multitude of issues with the rest of the crew.”  
Captain Stern stared at her with a gray/green striped face that did not betray any emotions. “I am aware. It was not a decision I made lightly, but I have my reasons for accepting their application to the crew.” He paused to return to his meal briefly to take another bite and chew as Geta looked like she was on the verge of bursting. He’d served with her long enough to recognize the expressions she made when she was trying to hold back her rather… lively emotions. He smiled and finished what was left of his meal.  
“As captain of this ship, I have full authority to reject or accept new recruits to this crew. I realize you have every right to be upset with me for breaking protocol by not involving you with this last round of recruits, and for that, I do apologize. Although,” he broke his stoic expression to smile mischievously, “one might say I could blame my upbringing on that.”  
Geta’s tail twitched as a mixture of amusement and annoyance broke through her formal demeanor. He always did that when she caught him bending rules like this. It was a very human thing to do, and while Captain Stern was no human, he had been raised by one.  
“With all due respect, you can’t keep using that as an excuse to ignore protocol, sir.”  
“That’s probably true, Geta,” Captain Stern began calmly gathering his things and cleaning up his eating area. “But my ‘bending of the rules’ in deciding the arzhi onto our crew by myself isn’t the only reason you’re here, is it?”  
Geta clenched her clawed hands so tightly, she almost cut into her calloused pads. She struggled against the swirling torrent of emotions she felt, but she knew it was becoming a losing battle. “Why an arzhi?” She kept her volume down at a reasonable level, but the anger leaked through her voice more than she’d like when talking to a superior, even one as familiar and close to her as the captain. “Why bring such a monster in among our crew?”  
Having gathered all the mess from his meal, Captain Stern paused and sat silently looking at her expectantly. Geta knew the look. She sighed and slowly unclenched her fists. Her shoulders, she realized were also pulled in tightly and she took a moment to release the tension she’d been holding. The captain smiled ever so slightly and gestured to an empty chair and waited for her to sit before responding.  
“This is not a decision I’ve made lightly. And again, I must, perhaps less jokingly this time, partially blame my upbringing. You’re aware that when humans first arrived on the galactic scene, they caused quite a stir.”  
After a few tiks, Geta realized he was waiting for a response. “I’ve heard the stories, yes.” Of course, she had. Everyone knew the stories. Humans, with all their terrifying strength, conquering tendencies, and devious innovations had become somewhat of a power force after making their debut to the galactic community generations ago.   
Captain Stern continued. “Their ferocity and curiosity scared many at first, but for all that, one of the most curious of their abilities was their capacity of pack bonding. As dangerous as their potential seemed, they wanted to make friends and they were very good at doing so. They could form bonds with anyone from any race after being in close proximity for any length of time.”  
Geta sat back in her chair and sighed. “Sir, if I am understanding what you’re getting at here, do you mean to say that you’re letting an arzhi aboard the ship because you were adopted by big scary humans and turned out alright?”  
Captain Stern smiled and stood from his seat with his meal tray. “Something like that.” With a slight nod of dismissal, he left her to stew in his words.  
Geta watched him leave the mess hall and continued staring long after he disappeared from sight. The captain may biologically be a rerlut, but he certainly had the human stubbornness and charm down to an art. She had to admit though, there were a lot of his strange human traits he’d picked up that made him a fantastic captain. She trusted him completely, but she’d be hard-pressed to say that she wasn’t at least a little apprehensive of this latest decision.  
The captain seemed to be heavily relying on making connections between the humans’ past with the arzhi. She shook her head. Perhaps she could help and be sure to assign a few of the humans on the crew to help the new recruit get acclimated.  
***  
Captain Stern followed the sound of yelling toward the med bay. The ship’s new recruits had arrived only four solar cycles ago and there’d already been two incidents on report. He was on his way now to make sure there wasn’t a third made.  
Medical Officer Arzhi Fehl had been just as big and as imposing as everyone expected him to be. When he first stepped out of the shuttle he’d arrived on, everyone was sure to give him plenty of space. That lasted for the first solar cycle. The first altercation hadn’t involved any physical blows, but it would have if Geta had not been there to break it up as quickly as she did.  
Afterwards, his First Mate had made sure there was a rotation of human crewmates accompanying Fehl at all times. It was a good idea. The humans had stayed out of the Oshe’al Belt battles for the most part, so they held no inherent animosity to the arzhi. What’s more, the humans also held a lot of influence and respect aboard the ship. Having them associated with Fehl’s presence seemed to have an effect on both the new and veteran crewmates. The next report had been less serious, but threats had been made and duties disturbed.   
As he rounded the final turn to the med bay, he could make out voices. He noted that none of the angry yells were in Fehl’s deep tone. That was something at least.  
It took the reception room’s occupants a few tiks to notice his presence, but once they did, everyone fell silent.  
“What is the meaning of this?” He kept his voice low and even. It was the same voice his mother used when he would get caught getting into big trouble. He was told it was slightly terrifying, so he only used it when he really needed to.  
No one answered at first. He gave them a moment to realize he was expecting an answer. Finally, someone, an older ehot engineer named Irubin spoke up. “It’s not right.”  
Captain Stern shifted to better look at the crew mate. Irubin’s scales were weathered with age, but not so old that they had lost their rich, dark orange color. A few scales were missing here and there. Especially along his scars. Scars that the Captain knew had been inflicted on Irubin when he was a young soldier fighting planetside at Oshe’al.  
“Would you care to elaborate, Ehot Irubin?”  
The engineer looked uncomfortable. “It’s not right that he’s here,” he pointed at Fehl as if everyone didn’t already know who ‘he’ was in reference to. “He’s a monster. They’re all monsters and we shouldn’t be subjected to sharing a ship with them. He’s probably planning on killing us all once we’re not expecting it.”  
In the corner of his eye, Captain Stern saw one of the humans, Victoria step forward. “You can’t know that? How could you-! Why would you even-?! You don’t know him! Fehl is a sweetheart, which you’d know if you took five minutes to try to talk to him like a civilized-”  
Captain Stern held up a hand. Victoria, paused in mid-rant, dipped her head and stepped back again. He noted that she stood a little closer to Fehl this time as if she was moving to put herself in between the arzhi and everyone else.  
“I know what you’re trying to do, Captain, sir,” Irubin said with much less vitriol in his voice this time.  
“And what is that?”  
Irubin looked uncomfortable like he’d maybe wished he hadn’t said that aloud. “You… you’ve been assigning humans to be with him so they’ll pack bond and get the rest of us to… to just… be okay with having him here.”  
Captain Stern hummed a moment and scratched his chin. “Of course I have. I figured it was the most obvious and sensible thing to do in this case. Humans are capable of forming bonds and friendships with almost anyone, but,” he paused to look over at Fehl and Victoria and then returned his gaze to Irubin, “they only do so with those they feel safe with. Humans are famously intuitive on these sorts of matters. Do you mean to tell me that you’re questioning the humans’ judgment?”  
Irubin’s short ears bent back. “No, of course not, I-”  
“And what’s more,” Captain Stern continued, “are you questioning my judgment? Do you think me an incompetent captain of this crew?”  
His ears went all the way back against his bent neck. “I, I would never, sir. Of course not.”  
“Good.” Captain Stern straightened his posture and let his shoulders casually drop. “If you and your companions would be so kind as to meet me in my office for a few mentiks. I’d like to discuss the matter here a little more in depth. Perhaps we could brainstorm some ideas together to make sure that understanding is something the rest of the ship shares.” Although he kept his voice lighthearted and level, it was clear that the invitation was in fact an order. The engineer nodded respectfully and was followed out by two other very sheepish looking crewmates.  
After a moment, only he, Fehl, Victoria, and a small booka sitting on a bench remained in the room. As Captain Stern finished watching the others leave, he turned to look at the fiery cat-like alien expectantly.  
“Uh, I, I have an appointment with medic Fehl, but if this is a bad time, I can reschedule.”  
Captain Stern smiled and shook his head. “That shouldn’t be necessary, Churra. I do hope you’ll allow me to delay Medic Fehl just a few more mentiks though?”  
With a dip of the booka’s head and a slight darkening of fur, Captain Stern returned his full attention back to Fehl. The arzhi medic stood a good head and shoulders above the captain, and a voice in the back of Stern’s mind reminded him that the fears that some on the crew had for the new crewmate were most certainly founded. Not only were arzhi large, powerful, and quick, but they seemed to exude an air of dangerous predator around them.  
That was, Stern realized, until you got to the eyes. While the rest of them seemed deadly, the eyes were soft and kind. And in Fehl’s case, a little apprehensive and unsure.  
“Captain, sir, I apologize for this whole mess, and that you had to get involved. I know you’re busy and-”  
“Don’t worry about me, keeping crewmates in line is part of my job,” Captain Stern waved his hand dismissively. “Another important aspect of what I do is make sure crewmates are adapting well to their new positions. Is there an empty med room available that we can talk alone for a moment?”   
There were plenty, and the captain and the medic took the first one they found. It was a simple check-up room. A bit small with Fehl’s bulk inside, but not so much that it was uncomfortably cramped.  
“I’ll keep this quick Fehl, since I know you’re busy,” Stern began. “First off, and I know I said this to you in your arrival interview, but thank you for coming here and being part of this crew.”  
Captain Stern noticed how Fehl shifted a bit uncomfortably and paused. He waited as the arzhi medic mentally worked to put his words together.  
“Sir, I… I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but… well I put in many applications to… I don’t even remember how many ships. I know why I was denied so many times, but I wanted this position so badly I just kept trying. And then you… I never expected a Coalition crew... I mean, after the war…”  
“The war has been over for solar cycles. There’s been peace and trade between our governments. There certainly were no rules that said I couldn’t hire you to my crew.” Captain Stern took a seat and motioned for Fehl to do the same. “That being said, I am not ignorant to the fact that my feelings on the matter are not a popular take with everyone aboard.”  
“So why accept me on board? My kind has a well-earned reputation of violence, even amongst ourselves. I’m sure most captains threw out my application as soon as they saw my species listed.”  
“Well for starters, let’s not forget you are quite a skilled medic with an impressive record. Anyone with half a brain would be foolish to ignore that,” Stern chuckled before he quieted into a thoughtful look. “I was always taught to see individuals as they were, not as stereotypes given to a lump sum. As for Ehot Irubin and the others, I’m hoping this will be a teaching experience for them. It’s high time they got over their fear.”  
“Their fear, sir? Fear of me, I assume?”  
Captain Stern gave a slight nod. “Of you, partially. Though mostly, I think it’s their fear of facing the future without the prejudices the past has given them.”  
Fehl thought about it a moment and nodded. “Is that why you assigned humans to help, what was the saying they used... ‘show me the ropes?’”  
“I put together your schedule since you got here and I know for a fact you’ve had more than just humans as chaperones while you get settled.”  
“No, but it’s mostly been, humans.” He looked up sharply, “Not that I mind, of course, they’ve been great and I really appreciate them! I’d heard stories about them before, but I’d never been around them before.” He lowered his head and voice slightly as if worried Victoria might hear them from the waiting room down the hall, “Are they always so nice, or is that just part of their duties?”  
Captain Stern laughed. It seemed to break some shell of apprehension that Fehl had been feeling as a smile broke out over his face and his eyes lit up. Stern noticed that the arzhi smiled like humans and he himself did, with exposed teeth and wide grins. It gave the captain a small swell of affirmation that his decisions to this point had been right.  
“Medic Fehl, I can’t speak for how all humans are, but I can assure you that the humans aboard this ship are just like that. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said humans have a great sense of intuition. If they like you, the rest of the crew will come around in their own time and way as well.”  
Fehl dipped his head low. “Thank you, Captain.”   
“You’ll do fine, Arzhi Fehl. I’m glad you’re here and am expecting great things on this ship. Aller anfang ist schwer.”  
Fehl blinked in confusion. Noticing, Captain Stern sighed, “That last part didn’t translate for you did it?”  
“No sir.”  
“It means all beginnings are hard. Your translator’s database doesn’t have Earth German integrated. It’s the language I was raised with. Sometimes it fits a situation better than my own native Nort Rerlutti. You must have Earth English, Hindi, and French integrated already, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to understand the humans on the crew.”  
“You’re bilingual?”  
“I actually learned several Earth languages before I was old enough to be fitted with my first universal translator. My mother was insistent on that being part of my education.” The captain stood and smiled at the medic who was still taller even while seated. He took in the expression on the medic’s face and smiled. “Do you have any more questions, Medic Fehl? I do need to get back to my office to have a conversation with a few of your crewmates that are waiting for me.”  
“Captain, if I may ask… you were raised on Earth by humans. Is… is that why you gave me a chance? Are you hoping I can help my people lose our stigma as the humans did theirs? I’m worried… it’s a lot to... I’m not sure if I can.”  
Captain Stern rested a hand on the medic’s tall shoulder reassuringly. “You worry about your duties as a medic, I’ll worry about the rest. Remember, aller anfang ist schwer.”  
“All beginnings are hard?”  
“That’s the way. Now, back to work. I believe you’ve got a booka out in the waiting room to see.”


	41. Humans Will Bond With Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation pulled from Galaxy Chat, the galaxy's largest social media platform.

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
Oh my light you guys. Humans and their whole pack-ponding stuff are getting out of hand I think!

_56 reactions 7 replies_  
**@coolThrishal147 replied:**  
Well yeah. What’s going on now?  
**@bookaAmongBookas replied:**  
Hey, aren’t you on Earth now? How’s that going?  
**@blueLeafLove replied:**  
What else is new?  
_...reveal more replies..._

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
Okay, so Human Alyssa is taking me on a road trip to the Yellowstone, right? So we’ve been driving for a few bantiks without any issue. The scenery is lovely and I’m focusing on that while she drives. Out of nowhere, she gets all sad and starts saying goodbye to someone called “Rusty Rover” and I’m sitting here freaking out because it’s just us in the car.

_14 reactions 2 replies_  
**@blueLeafLove replied:**  
What’s a rover?  
**@alwaysHungry87 replied:**  
Eeper you’re going to Yellowstone! Jealous! I went a while back. Don’t eat the rocks, no matter how good they smell. #offLimits #noSulfurSnacks4me

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
It turns out, she was talking to the red car that was following us and had turned onto the highway’s exit ramp. Apparently, we’d been traveling in a “pack” of cars down the road. I’d had no idea.

_11 reactions 2 replies_  
**@coolThrishal replied:**  
How did you not know if you were traveling with others?  
**@troeStrong replied:**  
Why did the red car leave your traveling group if you hadn’t arrived yet?

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
The thing is, we weren’t traveling with any other cars. The red car and the other three in our “pack” were just driving down the road in the same direction within proximity. I don’t think any of us knew each other, and I have no idea where the other three are going other than it’s somewhere in the direction we are currently traveling. At some point, Human Alyssa decided that that was enough to form an attachment to these complete strangers.

_49 reactions 8 replies_  
**@alwaysHungry87 replied:**  
Oh yeah, same thing happened to me when we went!  
**@bookaAmongBookas replied:**  
That’s hilarious! I’m laughing so hard right now!  
**@coolThrishal147 replied:**  
Humans are so weird  
_...reveal more replies…_

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
You guys… she gave each car a name! Rusty Rover left. The blue one in front of us is Glamour. The white car that keeps adjusting speed whenever they change lanes is Squirrelio. She talks to that one a lot as if it can hear her. The other one is a black truck she calls Mouse. Oh, and apparently the car we are traveling in is named “Mabel.” I had no idea

_31 reactions 3 replies_  
**@blueLeafLover replied:**  
And just to confirm, these aren’t living things, right? They aren’t animals? They’re machines?  
**@beaks-For-Brains replied:**  
I was on a crew with a human named Mabel! @sweaterLifeChoseMe look! It’s your name!  
**@sweaterLifeChoseMe replied:**  
Lol

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
Okay. We just pulled off the main highway. Alyssa had this speech saying goodbye to the other cars. Again, they can’t hear her. Also, we don’t know them. I highly doubt they even realized she thought we were in a group, they just continued driving on their merry way. Once we got off the exit, she didn’t seem to be too upset though, so I guess that’s a good sign?

_21 reactions 6 replies_  
@domesticatedPancake replied:  
Dude, I totally do that too! Ha! Also, Eepers, if you’re in the area, you should swing by and visit me too while you’re still on Earth!  
**@Sol3Trainee replied:**  
I have done a bit of study as to why humans do this. It’s a pretty complicated bit of history, psychology, and neurobiology. While I’ve been stationed on Earth, I’ve been doing my best to try to figure it out when I have time with all my other studies. Humans who have strong social bonds typically...read more…  
**@simpleMareek570 replied:**  
Lmtfo! I made friends with some humans on my cruise last partec. Let me tell you, the pack-bonding is REAL!  
_...reveal more replies..._

**@CruisinEeper said:**  
Rest of the trip went well. Saw some beautiful geysers and very colorful hot springs. Alyssa told me that some of the pools are colored the way they are because of thermophilic microorganisms living in the boiling hot water. You know, at this point? Sure. Earth is crazy, might as well add that to the list. Also saw some buffalo by the side of the road. I did NOT realize they got that big! Alyssa thought they were cute, and she bought a stuffed toy one at a souvenir shop. She named it Buford. It’s not a real buffalo, or a living thing at all, but again, humans will pack-bond with anything.

_50 reactions 7 replies_  
**@blueLeafLover replied:**  
Just be glad she was satisfied with a toy, you have no idea how much humans love being around dangerous animals  
**@bookaAmongBookas replied:**  
Hey, if you got me something cool while you’re there, I’d pay you back!  
**@coolthrishal147 replied:**  
And I’ll say it again: Humans. Are. Weird.  
_...reveal more replies..._


	42. The Gardener - Part 4

Marley had arrived about half a partec ago and already Nipti might be pressured to say that the human was something of a star-sent gift. Just the other night, the work around the gardens hadn’t gone late and he was able to turn in early and enjoy the first peaceful evening in what felt like years.

That wasn’t to say that there wasn’t a lot to do, far from it, especially now that the human’s needs, plans, and ship-reconstruction were also thrown into the mix of chores. 

Marley had decided to just sleep in their ship for the time being. Really the main need Nipti had to figure out was food and various supplies for the human. After a bit of research, they had discovered that there would be a few things they’d need to order to supplement the human’s diet. It wasn’t much, just a few things to add to Nipti’s already pretty small shopping list. It turned out that most of the human’s diet could be filled with a bit of harvesting here and there among the gardens.

What really surprised Nipti was the fact that Marley would be able to safely forage throughout most of his gardens. He’d had to show them how to properly harvest different barks or fruits and such, sure, but Marley proved to be quite adept with the plants in the other alien gardens almost as much as they were knowledgeable of plants in the Green Garden. There were a few plants that were dangerous to humans from a handful of gardens and required specific safety protocols. Nipti put together a list of each of the dangerous plants, where they were, and what Marley needed to do to protect themselves or avoid them.

Nipti thought it was ironic that quite a large number of these dangerous plants were actually ones also from Earth. Living organisms from the same death world must not like each other, he guessed.

Nipti pulled his hoverbike into the Buyr Gardens work area. The shed door just ahead of him was already open. Marley had said they were going to help fertilize some of the garden beds here after they were done researching nutritional information about dandelions and babukitu. They were hoping to add them to some recipes for their “garden snack bar” for tourists. They must have finished doing so early.

The Buyr Gardens were one of Nipti’s personal favorites. It was also his oldest garden, filled with this planet’s native plants. The lush scents, vibrant purples, and soft greens were very calming. He had built sprawling stone paths that meandered through vine-covered arches, past babbling brooks, and terraced flower beds. The daykee bushes were quite possibly his pride and joy of all his gardens. The delicate green blooms had been featured in famous garden reports and publications across the galaxy. He planted them everywhere, they were like a trademark of the Buyr Gardens. After Marley had done some research into the proper care and maintenance of daykee bushes, they had pointed out that Nipti must enjoy having so many in such good condition because he was a “show off.” While that might be true, daykee bushes were notoriously finicky, he vehemently denied it saying that he only planted so many because they were his favorite flowering bush. Which was also true.

As he passed the shed, he could see that the garden was, as usual, full of visitors. Shapes and sizes from across the galaxy were strolling slowly around the paths, stopping ever so often to admire his work. Nipti had been hesitant to allow visitors when they first started coming, he enjoyed his privacy after all, but the warmth he felt when he saw how much others enjoyed his gardens was intoxicating and made their intrusions seem a little more tolerable.

That was, as long as they behaved themselves. Which was exactly what one small family of niltas were not doing. Three adults, one purple and two blue seemed to be oblivious to the antics of the two small larvlings who were tearing through the gardens, heedless of the path. To Nipti’s horror, he could also see one of the adults reach out to a vim bud and pluck it from its stem.

Before he could recover from his shock and react, Nipti and the niltas in question jumped at a sudden and angry voice.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” It was Marley, stray leaf fragments caught in their hair and somehow covered in soil and fertilizer. They wove carefully through the garden beds they’d been working in to stand intimidatingly in front of the niltas. Other garden visitors in hearing range looked over to see what the commotion was. Many then hustled down the garden paths and out of potential range of the angry human.

Nipti was just out of hearing to catch the nilta’s response, so he crept in closer. No one noticed, and he, whether out of shock or curiosity, tried to sneak in so as to keep it that way. As he got closer, he noticed Marley’s arms. They must have been foraging in the Green Garden again because their arms were covered in small cuts. Before, when Nipti had asked, Marley said they were fine and would heal quickly. They claimed they’d hardly noticed they’d gotten the cuts in the first place. He’d been wearily okay as it happened multiple times since. Marley didn’t seem adversely affected, and the shallow cuts did heal very quickly.

As he snuck into better hearing range behind a vine-covered arch, he could tell that he wasn’t the only one to notice the human’s wounds.

“Your… your arms? What happened?”

Marley looked down at the appendage in question. After only a slight pause, they lifted their arm and held it out for the intruders to better see.

“This is what happens when you leave the safety of the path. Do you see this?” Marley rotated their arm so all the wounds could be seen better. “If I weren’t human, I’d probably be dying right now! Did you not see the signs? Do you think Nipti put them up there for the fun of it? Well?”

“Ahhh… I don’t… no?”

“No. They’re up to keep people like you from hurting the plants he puts so much work into, and to keep you safe from the plants that could harm you. I mean look at these.” Marley pointed at the daykee bushes in between them. “You were just waltzing right through those. Do you have any idea how dangerous those could be?”

A new panic set in in the nilta’s eyes as they scanned the leaves of the bushes and then their own bodies for signs of injury. Nipti almost scoffed. The idiots either knew nothing about plants or their panic clouded their memory of what famous bushes they were messing with.

Marley sighed and shook their head. “They’re not dangerous, but you didn’t know that, did you? But what if there had been orange minkth or poison ivy, or I don’t know, blackberry bushes? You could have been hurt. Stay on the dang paths or get lost! And keep your dang mitts off the buds. Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice that! If you want a flower, you can buy one at the shop.”

With a huff, Marley hefted the equipment bag back over their shoulder and started toward the equipment shed.

“Well what about you?” one the more precocious of the nilta piped up. “How come you get to go off the paths?”

Marley paused before turning back to the garden visitors. Even from his distance, Nipti shrank back on instinct at Marley’s expression.

“Because,” the human responded slowly, enunciating every syllable, “I work here.”

Nipti may not have had much experience with humans, but even he knew he had to step in before things could get escalated.

“Excuse me,” Nipti called out as he hurried up into view. “Do we have a problem here?”

All eyes turned to him as he approached. The terrifying look in Marley’s eyes lessened as they smiled at Nipti with what looked like a little bit of relief.

“I was just telling them to stay on the paths. They were about to walk through the daykee bushes and I just got done laying fertilizer.”

The purple nilta looked like they were frowning so hard that their face might stay that way forever. “Are you in charge around here?”

Nipti could feel the tough ridge of skin on his brow tense. He never liked dealing with these kinds of visitors. “These are my gardens, yes,” he answered curtly. “Again, is there a problem here?”

“This human,” the nilta jabbed a finger at Marley, “has been harassing us and I don’t feel safe with them around. We’re just here to enjoy these gardens and I honestly feel like they’re threatening us.”   
“Threatening-?!” Marley stuttered a bit, struggling to find a comeback to that outlandish accusation.

Nipti sighed and turned to the nilta family to get their attention. “No, they weren’t. I’ll make this quick because I’m tired of dealing with this kind of stuff. I saw the whole thing from over there,” he pointed back to the viol creeper-covered arch. “These are my gardens. I put up visitors largely because I can’t seem to stop them from coming. This human here does in fact work here and helps me and makes sure people stay on the paths I’ve made. If you can’t manage to do so, or if you want to continue to disrespect my friend here, I’ll have to ask them to pick you up and physically throw you out of here.”   
The larger blue nilta reared her head back. “Humans can’t do that!”   
Marley made a funny snorting noise. “Uh, yeah I can,” and took a step forward like they were going to give a demonstration of such an ability. The effect that had on the niltas was immediate. Without another word, they hustled out of the Buyr Gardens, minding to keep to the center of the paths the entire way.

Once they disappeared from view, Nipti and Marley stared at each other a moment before laughing.

“Does this kind of thing happen a lot around here?”

Nipti sighed and dipped his head slightly. “More and more lately. Part of me is flattered everyone seems to think so highly of my gardens as to come to visit, but a larger part of me is annoyed and getting exhausted of the extra work some of these people drag in.”

Marley nodded and put their hands on their hips as they scanned the gardens around them. “I don’t know man. This is all a lot for you to deal with alone. Maybe you should hire some security or help of some sort or something.”

“Oh?” Nipti nodded with a growing grin. “I thought you just said that  _ you _ worked here?”

Surprise is a nearly universal expression, and it was exceptionally easy to read on Marley’s face. They stared at Nipti until the surprise broke into a wide and genuine grin. If Nipti hadn’t already seen that goofy expression a thousand times since the human had arrived, he might have been a bit rattled by the fact that a potentially dangerous alien was baring their teeth at him. But he knew better. That was just how humans smiled.

“So you’re gonna hire me officially then, huh?”

Nipti reached out to help pick up some of the gardening equipment Marley had been carrying. “I guess I better, or else I’d make a liar out of you. You’ve been helping me with my gardens better than I would have ever expected. I’ve never been much for having company, but I have… not disliked you being here.” He glanced at where the nilta family had fled earlier. He could just make out the sounds of a ship’s engines starting up for take-off in the distance. “And I still think that if even just the word got out that a human was working here, it’d be a huge help to security.”   
“You want me to be, like, a bouncer or something?”

“Bouncer?”

“Like, someone who’s like a guardian and keeps trouble-makers out, protects stuff, and throws out anyone who breaks the rules.”

“I suppose it could be something like that. Honestly, I think just the knowledge that you’re here would be enough to keep most trouble-makers in line.” He paused a moment as something Marley just said finally clicked. “Wait, when I told them you’d physically throw them out, I was just exaggerating. That’s… that’s not something you… that humans can actually do, is it?”

Marley hummed and tilted their head to the side. “ Yeah? Sometimes. I don’t know if I could. Probably not under normal circumstances.”

“What kind of circumstances would- you know what? Never mind.” Hopefully, he’d never have to find out what circumstances would need to exist for the human walking next to him to be able to pick up and throw someone. The niltas had taken the threat at face value. Others probably would too. Humans had a reputation after all.

The rest of the work in the Buyr Garden went quickly. Marley worked quickly and almost tirelessly. Almost. They took a break at midday and shared a meal. It was light but satisfying. Marley ran a few menu item ideas by Nipti. Some of them needed a few slight changes to make them safe for a wider range of potential patrons, but most sounded like they’d be okay to begin a sample and taste-testing phase soon.

Nipti smiled when Marley moved on to talk about how they were going to set up the little “cafe.” Having finished his meal, he got up and stretched. “I’m heading out to check the irrigation in the northern gardens. What were your plans the rest of the afternoon?”

Marley gathered up the remains of the meal and stowed them away. “I’m still trying to figure out the energy exchange system on my ship. She won’t power up.”

“I thought you’d gotten that fixed.”

“Me too. We got the new lower battery, and that worked for a little bit, but I think the second alternator is out and the strain on the other is too much. And of course, to check that one, I need to take out half the cooling intake.” They pulled the skin on their cheeks with their palms and sighed loudly. “There are so many pipes to unbolt, it’s going to be so much work and I don’t even know for sure if it is that alternator. It could be half a dozen things.”

“Are you sure you don’t just want to get a new ship?” Nipti already knew the answer. They’d had this conversation plenty of times. That thing belonged in a scrapyard. It would likely cost more to fix it up than to get a cheap, but well-running used ship, and that was without even factoring in the time and frustration fixing it would entail. Still, Marley always turned down the idea. He never knew why. He figured they had their reasons, and Nipti respected their privacy.

“Well, good luck then,” Nipti started toward where he’d parked his hoverbike. “If you’d like, maybe once you’re done, you can stop by my house this evening and we can test a few of your recipes. They’ll need to be good if you want to make enough money with your little cafe to fix your ship anytime this decapartec.”

Marley laughed. “Sounds like a plan!”


	43. Shorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever since I posted a short! But you know, *~life~*.  
I've had the hardest time to get motivated to write anything for over a month. And when I have felt like writing, I've been focusing my efforts on working on the second draft of Abduction. I am feeling better now though. Guess my writing muse was just on a vacation and hopefully is back to stay for a while!  
This fun prompt was given by mytasteinmusic. You're right, it was silly, but it made for a cute little slice of life short!

“Oh I feel like we haven’t had a day off in decacycles!”  
“Varree, you had a personal day two cycles ago. I saw it on the schedule. Don’t over exaggerate or I’ll start to think you’ve been hanging around the humans too much.”  
Varree's stiff fur rose indignantly. “Look who’s talking. You always get grumpy whenever there isn’t a human to sit with at meals. Yeah, don’t think I don’t notice that!” Varree’s wispy voice squeaked a bit in triumph as she reached for another basket of laundry. Multiple limbs reached in and began folding the various cleaned clothes and fabrics.  
“I do not!” Riyabin huffed as he leaned over to help with the laundry. The first thing he grabbed was a uniform that, by the looks of it, belonged to a human. “Hmpf!” He dropped it back into the basket and grabbed another. It was also a human uniform, which made sense since it was usually asked by the custodial and ship-keeping staff that each species submit laundry and other cleaning requests together as much as possible. With a sigh, Riyabin relented and began folding and putting uniforms onto a cart for returns.  
Varree laughed. “No need to be so gruff about it. You’ve got a touch of ‘human furor’ or whatever. So what? So does most of the galaxy!” The basket of uniforms was nearly empty. It helped when a kreechen like Varree had three sets of arms that made the work go fast. She stacked the now-empty basket with the others and pulled another over another one that was full of what looked like human clothing. This one had a mixture of uniforms and civilian clothes.  
“Ooh,” she sifted through the basket, “we better hurry with this one. I’m sure whoever these belong to will be wanting them in time for shore leave!” She pulled out a large article of civilian clothing. It was purple and somewhat triangular in shape. “Hey, this kind of looks like what sefra usually wear, doesn’t it?”  
“It’s called a shawl, and it looks nothing like what we usually wear,” Riyabin shook his gray-streaked head and grabbed a shirt from the top of the pile.  
“Humans sure have a lot of different types of clothes though, don’t they?” Varree held up another strange-shaped article of clothing. “Like, look at this? How am I supposed to fold this? What’s even the purpose of this?”  
“I don’t think you’re supposed to fold it, use a hanger,” Riyabin gestured to a rack holding other hanging clothes off to the side of the room. “Humans have one of the widest array of clothing styles because their planet has such a wide range of temperatures and climates that they can survive in.”  
Varree had slowed down considerably with this basket as she kept stopping to examine different articles of human clothing. Riyabin merely shook his head and kept working. He usually dealt with folding and returns for crew clothing by himself, but with the ship-wide rest day/shore-leave trip coming up, he’d recruited the small kreechen to the task to make sure everything was done in time.  
“Hey, look at these,” Varree held up yet another article of clothing. It was smaller than the other ones she’d pointed out and made out of a heavy blue fabric Riyabin had seen many times before with human civilian clothes. The shape of the article was familiar, but it was just that he’d never seen them look so… short.  
“I think I’ve heard of those before. They’re like normal pants but, uh, short.”  
Varree tugged on the end of the clothing with an amused expression. “You mean they’re not for some tiny-legged human?”  
“No, they just leave the skin below the hem exposed,” Riyabin had never personally seen a human wear such an article of clothing, but he was almost certain he’d seen them worn in human media before.  
Varree gave a purring hum as she considered what he’d said. “I’ve never seen a human with bare legs. I always just assumed it was some sort of faux pax for them or whatever.”  
“It depends on the environment or culture they come from, but many are okay with varying levels of exposure. It’s just that civilian clothes are usually for comfort, so they usually have jeans or what they call sweatpants.”  
“Ew, sweat?” Varree paused folding the soft gray pants she’d been working on and squinted a pair of eyes at them warily. It was common knowledge that human bodily fluids, sweat included, could be dangerous to come into contact with in certain circumstances.  
“It’s just a name, they call them sweat pants because they were originally designed for athletes. A lot of humans like them because they’re warm and soft.”  
“Oh. Okay then” Varree sighed and placed the folded sweatpants on the cart. “So those have a purpose. What are the tiny pants for?” She held up the denim shorts she still held in her other arm.  
“They’re usually worn in warm weather so the human’s legs don’t overheat,” Riyabin explained. “They’re called shorts.”  
“That’s not a very creative name.”  
“Yeah, humans are kind of hit or miss with naming things. I’ve been told that the shorts made out of that particular kind of material are very fashionable.” With a sigh, he paused and stepped back. The basket was empty. That was the last one too. Well, of the human clothes. There was a small basket of sashes and ties that the stransi used as uniforms. Those took no time at all to process. After that, all that was left was to clear the laundry machine vents, make sure the cleaning droids had room access, and push the carts of clothes to the designated pick-up area.  
“Thanks again for helping out. That went a lot faster than usual,” Riyabin smiled and gave Varree a polite bow.  
The Kreechen blinked all eight eyes and smiled. “Happy to help, it helps to have a few extra hands to lighten the load.”  
“So what are your plans for your day off? It’s not every day we get to go planetside on Earth.”  
“I know right? I’m so excited! Humans Esomo and Oliver invited me to a circus.”  
“Oh,” Riyabin blinked in surprise. That’s not what he’d been expecting. He’d been researching different Earth terms and cultures, but wasn’t sure what a circus was. He’d have to look that up. “Well, that sounds like a good time. Human Zara invited me to her hometown. Her family lives outside some large and very historic cities and they’re going to give me the “grand tour” as they’ve described.”  
“Large cities presumably filled with tons of humans? Sounds like you’ll have no excuse to be grumpy,” laughed Varree. Riyabin was just about to retort with something smart, but Varree turned down the corridor and started walking away. “Well, I’ve got to get ready. I’ll see you later. Have fun on Earth!”  
“You as well,” Riyabin called back. “And thanks again for helping!” Varree waved one of her dark hairy arms and continued on presumably towards her personal quarters.  
Riyabin stayed standing in the corridor a moment longer. After he was sure Varree was gone, he pulled up a holoscreen from his wrist device and looked up the word ‘circus.’  
Knowing how eccentric and quirky humans could be, he should have expected what he’d found. What really intrigued him were the images of what was known as ‘clowns.’ If Varree had been so fascinated by something as simple as human shorts, she was going to be blown away by the strange and festive-looking clothes that seemed to be the norm at a ‘circus.’  
“Well,” he chuckled quietly to himself, “isn't she in for a treat.”


	44. Friends with Monsters - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This story is back! Kind of short, but gives a bit about the captain's past.   
To come: helping to incorporate Medic Fehl in with the rest of the crew! How? Spoilers: large use of humans.

The translation of the word “stern” was interesting. In the Captain’s case, the universal translators categorized it as a proper name with relative background connotations added. Normally, the word itself might have some complications with translators since it was an Earth word with different meanings in different Earth languages. It usually depended on the speaker’s meaning. That was the beauty of the universal translators, after all.  
To the captain, his name was both a gift and a reminder.  
It was given to him as a small, anxious child, hardly old enough to fully remember the events that led to him being orphaned and being found and adopted by a human named Adalene Bauer. She had raised him with love, as her own child, making sure he had everything he could ever need. She had been married once when she was younger, but death had stolen her spouse away and she had never remarried. She raised Stern alone and helped him learn that his fears and his feelings of loss weren’t weaknesses, but could be a source of strength and compassion.   
In Adalene’s native tongue, stern translated to star. She always said that he was her little Sternenkind, her little star child.  
Another translation of stern in another of Earth’s languages was an adjective for being firm or strict.  
Years later, he’d been made captain of a small star-freighter at a remarkably young age. It certainly wasn’t the most glamorous ‘captain’ job, but he was still one of the youngest rerlut captains in history, and that was a lot to be proud of. He was fully qualified for the position, or at least, he was on paper. He was certainly lacking in experience, but he learned quickly and did his best with what was an admittedly raucous crew. His inexperience came into harsh reality, however, when his ship was attacked. He’d been too soft, too lenient with his crew, and they were caught unprepared. Almost half the freight was stolen, but more importantly, several crew members were seriously injured. He and his Chief Officer, a charming red biet named Marit fought off the pirates as valiantly as they could. For one short moment, it looked like they were going to drive their attackers back. But then the tide of the fight took a turn for the worst. They got as much of the crew to safety as they could, but then… Chief Officer Marit didn’t survive. They’d jumped in front of Stern and took a shot intended for him during the fight with the pirates.  
After he’d woken up in the hospital a week later, he found out he was to be awarded some medal for his bravery. So was Officer Marit, posthumously.   
Honestly, the whole aftermath was a detached blur in his memory. He returned home to Earth to aid in his recovery. It took months to break out of the mental fog he’d felt so lost in after the attack.  
It was his mother who helped him decide to go back at all.  
“Sternenkind,” she had called him as she wrapped him in her arms one night as he sat outside staring blankly at the sky. Even even though he’d been a fully grown rerlut for years, his mother was and would always be large enough to hold him comfortably. They sat like that a while before either of them said anything. Stern had always been able to confide in his mother, but this time his words came only with great difficulty. When they did finally come, they were heavy with his regret, his sadness, and his guilt.  
His mother listened patiently to it all, crying with him and letting him get all he needed to say said. When he finally ran out of words, she began to recount the day he’d been promoted to captain. She’d been so proud. And then when she’d heard of the attack, how afraid she’d been. Her arms wrapped a bit tighter around him then.  
“Es hätte jedem passieren können,” she’d said. It could have happened to anyone. But it had happened to him, and he’d done the best he could with what he knew. No, he hadn’t done everything perfectly, but he was an imperfect being. He now had a choice, either stay and rust in his regret or get back out there and grow from this.   
“Aller anfang ist schwer,” she had told him. All beginnings are hard. His was especially, but she hoped that whatever he did, he’d do his best to honor Chief Officer Marit and always remember one thing: “Ich werde immer stolz auf dich sein, mein Sternenkind” I will always be proud of you, my Sternenkind.  
***  
His past and the path he took since that time was on his mind as Stern returned to his office to deal with Ehot Irubin and the others involved in the incident in the med bay. A crew deserved and needed a captain who could be firm and strict, and whose commands were obeyed without question. He had to make sure he stayed that type of captain.  
As he approached his office, the quiet chatter between the three crewmates in question cut off. They shuffled away from the door as their captain approached and opened the door, entered, and motioned for them to follow.  
“Take a seat.”  
He sat as well and sighed, staring at them for a moment. Just long enough to make them squirm uncomfortably in their seats.  
“I do hope you understand just how inappropriate your behavior towards Medic Fehl was.”  
“Yes, captain,” the three of them responded in unison. All three of them were doing their best to look as dejected and contrite as possible, but Stern knew he had to push just how serious he was through their thick skulls.  
“Good,” Stern sighed. “Now, convince me why I shouldn’t end your careers and drop you all off at the nearest inhabited planet with dishonorable releases.”  
All three crewmates looked up and stared dumbstruck at him.  
“S-sir?” Ehot Irubin stammered out.  
Stern held their gaze with his own for a moment as he let his words sink in. “Let me tell you about this ship,” he said to break the stunned silence. “The HWSS Concordia. As an Ergeen Class liner, it’s one of the largest ships in the Galatea Trade Alliance fleet. Six warp engines, two synced hyperdrive cores, and a hauling capacity of nearly three hundred standard atmospheric liters of cargo.” He took a breath, making use of the small break to indulge in a bit of pride that this was the ship of which he was the captain.  
“As impressive as she may be,” he continued, his voice went low and dark, “this ship is nothing in comparison to the rest of the galaxy and all the dangers it holds. When the moment comes that it’s us against creation’s terrors, it’s the crew that will be standing at your side. I am the captain, and I have selected each crew member aboard this ship for a reason, whether they be ehot, human, or even arzhi. There is no room for debate, mistrust, or bigotry. Those will get us all very dead very quick. Do you understand?”  
Irubin and his companions nodded sheepishly. A subdued chorus of “Yes captain,” filled the office.  
“Good.” Captain Stern leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Now, unless you do want to be dropped off at the nearest inhabited planet, I’ve got some additional assignments for you.”  
The three crew members looked up, listening intently.  
“I want and need to eradicate any remaining hostility within this crew. You three are going to help me do just that.”


End file.
